Faithfullyinlove..♥

First PAY!

2011-06-15T21:47:00.003+08:00

Sooooooo today is June 15 meaning for those who have work its PAYDAY!:) and yes today is my very first payday! I was excited ever since the weekend for today coz its my very first. But then i found out that the money comes in just about around 7pm. So i wasnt that much excited then and i was expecting that ill be getting just around 2k for we started late last month and the cut off for todays pay was only up to June 5. After going out with babe( we watched super 8, had a facial and got to bring home 2 new stufftoys for our collection) i went straight to the nearest Robinsons Savings Bank at our house. Casimiro was the nearest!!! so i was just trying so i checked the current savings! and my eyes widened when i saw the 4k amount in my ATM! oh yeah! my first pay!:)) so i widrawed it all and oh yeah! hello pizza!:) wala lang share ko lang. super excited ksi first ever pay na pinaghirapan o tlga!:)) haha loves it..:p

Tapos tom 100years ng lasalle! ill be seeing some of my friends! yey! tapos shopping maybe with babe!:) haha yey! excitement and OFF koo..:)

-A

Hello New Chapter of My Life.

2011-05-29T11:57:00.002+08:00

Oh hello blog! FINALLY got the time to FINALLY BLOG. So many things have happened and i dont even know where to start. For a first i am now OFFICIALLY EMPLOYED!:) Yes yes i am now officially a CABIN CREW at CEBU PACIFIC, oh yeah! But im getting ahead of my story so here.

I started training last March 28. It was really hard at first cause i got really overwhelmed with the BIG manuals i have to study. I almost gave up really, cried cause i dont know how to start or even how to handle things. It was really hard, i felt so alone. LONER much! I didn't really have that friend in training that i could talk to or that someone whom i could hang out with. Then im not really good in putting on make ups for i dont really put on make up. My supervisor always makes pansin my make up! haha makes pansin!:p But as time passed by it came to me that i could really do it. I started excelling in class and finally got to get used in putting make up and being good at it.Oh yeah! Our training had its ups and downs. Ups: i got to meet new friends (ones that i really got to bond with), experience such as sliding down from the plane, opening and closing doors, crawling along the aisle of the plane, shout out "EMERGENCY BEND DOWN" loud and clear while doing the emergency procedures and having lots of gazillion of other experiences funny and memorable with my co-trainees. Downs: memorizing the BIG manuals from cover to cover, verbatim/word for word, having to go home early in the morning because we had to practice in the aircraft and at times me and my boyfriend even fought about me pursuing this job, but thats a different story. Overall, i think all of the hardwork paid off! I got to do my job and enjoy it plus im excited for my pay day cause this job really pays really really GOOOD! ;) My first flight with a supervisor was last May 15 and 17, i even cried after my first flight on my frist day for i thought i was going to fail my graded flight, but i cried even more when i found out that my supervisors were impressed on the way i worked. I was so relieved when i heard this and i was so happy because i really though i was going to fail. They said i did a good job and its that its as if i was flying for a a long time. oh yeah! That's what they call FLYING WITH FLYING COLORS! hahaha So there last May 20 i graduated as a CABIN CREW at CEBU PACIFIC. After a day off, sunday to wednesday was scheduled for another training for ATR and by May 26, i was employed.

May 26 i was suppose to be a HR or Home Reserve wherein anytime you can be upgraded to a flight or to be and FR or Field Reserve. And yes last May 26, i got upgraded to a 4am flight! Hello work! haha My first productive flight, meaning my first paid flight was to Davao and Iloilo and i was so blessed to be given very nice flying partners from my Co-CC and Pilots. I finished around 12noon and got my commission from the on board sales too. haha Loves flying cause we're paid to fly plus my commission pa kmi everytime we sell something on board!:) oooohhh i sooo cant wait for my pay day! Siguro ung mga first 3 months pay ko madidissolve! hahaha Yesterday din HR ako and i was enjoying watching THE INCREDIBLES on STAR MOVIES when i got a call that im upgraded to FR! oh hello responsibility na tlga!!:) So there, i stayed in the office from 11am to 7pm doing nothing but i was happy cause i really didn't want to be upgraded for a flight. I got to spend time with my batchmates for we were both FR's! And today, im a HR thats why im here doing nothing and panics every time my phone rings cause i dont wanna be upgraded! haha

For my lovelife: Its a so-so for us. Ever since i got to start my training we spend time together as much as we can. Have a movie out or grab something to eat at times, that's why im pretty much updated with all the current movies lately. Of course, we also got into some really big fights. One of it was with the issue of me pursuing this job. Fyi, after 6 months of being a probationary Cabin Crew, i'll be regularized and theeen i can be based in CEBU for a minimum of 6 months.:( That's what we fought about. He really didn't want me to go, i think we almost break up talking about itcause having that possibility of me being away scares him a lot. Of course i also don't want to be away from him but its just a possibility that i might be based there. And this possibility, he doesnt want to face. After some talks, i finally convinced him to let me through the job for i really want this and somehow its been like a dream for me. So there he's been really supportive lately but somehow it cares me a lot when the time comes when i'll be off to be based in Cebu. Im not saying i will be but there's a chance. On the other hand, he's officially unemployed he got hired last friday and he'll be starting training tommorow! im soo proud of him!:) He's been waiting for this opportunity for a long time and finally he got it! Hopefully work doesn't come between us cause i'm sure we'll be both busy in our careers. Of course, if there's a will there's a way. I sooo believe in that.

Ohh one more thing, my car got smashed!:( It was during the holy week that i was spending time with my family and babe in the province that our driver with all his angst smashed my car into a barricade. The front was a total wreck and it cant be driven anymore. So there, up until know i cant talk to him the way i used to because of what happened. The car is still in total wreck for we're waiting for the insurance response. I hope they replace it with a new one, i really hope so.

Well there goes, soo busybusy.. I miss hanging out with my friends and family. I've missed a lot of events already. 2 weddings form both side of the family this May, I'm suppose to be one of the bridesmaid and i ended up not attending. They're all completed and im the only one whose missing. sad.:(

Hopefully soon i can get to spend time with family and friends when i start to get use to going around my schedule. Oh well hello new chapter of my life! Hello responsibility! At least pay day will make me feel better! i wanna buy a new bag (longchamp?) waaaant!! new shirts!!! and i also want a new BLACKBERRY BOLD phone!! oh myyyy!! Can't wait!! haha

-A

I Got Nudged!

2011-03-17T12:22:00.006+08:00

Oh hello march! its been a while since i last blogged. And i got nudged by a friend who missed my blogs thats why here i am, blogging. i've been actually planning to blog for a while now but i always seem to forget. I 've actually miss blogging. Anyways, back to the real deal. Somehow February has been a stress month for me somehow from responsibilities to job related stuff. Good news is, i got cleared on my medical at Cebu Pac. The doctor told me to get a treadmill stress exam, after which i passed the results to the doctor at Cebu Pac. He said that he'll clear me but then i have to be extra careful with my back. Hooray i passed! i'll be off to training now, but unfortunately because i passed late my training date got moved. Up until now im still waiting for that one call telling me when my training would be, a friend of mine told me that there's stil no definite date yet for there are still ongoing training. Anyways i cant wait to start and be a FA! i hope ill have fun doing so!:)

On the other hand, of course training would be really hard. Training would be Mondays to Saturdays from 8am-5pm, maximum of 2 absences and 2 lates. Therefore, meaning that if ever i would be starting training i wont be able to absent!! errr whyyyy? ngaung summer pa?..:( My summer actually is somehow booked for parties and vacation trips. For one, my family is planning on going to BOHOL! i have'nt been there!! I told mom that maybe we can move the date for Bohol but dad said, "Hindii ganyan tlga, pag may trabaho. Kasama na un minsan may mga mamimiss kang events." and i was like :| nooo!:( My cousin is also gonna celebrate her 18th bday on the 30th of april, afterwards they're going to PUERTO GALERA, which hindi pa rin ako nakkapunta. another :| for me. Then on May, there will be two weddings that i have to attend to and be a bridesmaid for both week after each. Then they will be going straight to baguio.:( OH MY! i hope i can still go to these events. i really hope so. But if all else fails, i told myself that even if i dont get to go there with them, ill find my way to going to those places again on my own terms!:)

To job? or not to job? that is the question! is that even the right term? haha:)) anyways, there goes my career updates for now. I really want to start working so ill experience it and of course the most important part of it, EARN MONEY! so i can go shopping! shopping! hahah lalalala!:p i hope i start na, so it'll be over na rin agad.:)

For my lovelife, February has been really tough. I've found out my moms feelings on me and my boyfriend. It was really hard taking it all in for we are happy as we are but then, of course, family is family so i just cant ignore that. It came to me that my parents would actually want to mingle more and see my boyfriend more often. But he's really shy and not that mingling type of person that our family has been used to. So i talked to him about it and he said that its noted. From then on, i saw his efforts naman of reaching out to my parents, especially my mom. Of course it wouldn't be that easy for they have their own differences but i know that little by little my mom would eventually get used to US, as long as we both( me and him) prove to them that we really can do it together.

For me, myself and i. I finally got a CAR! weee its my dad's actual GRAD GIFT for me, besides the 4th gen ipod touch!:) hooray! My dad's been planning this for a while now, but he just cant seem to find the will to buy me for i wasn't really interested on having my own car. Cause for me whatever his decision will be is fine by me. And this March 08 my dad brought home a second hand, 2009 TOYOTA YARIS! :) eventhough its just secondhand, it feels and smells like its brand new!! looove it!:) and these past few weeks, ive been trying to learn to drive. Practicing and trying to get used to it. paonte onte lang para pwede na! haha wee Im really excited to finally be able to drive sa highway, i tried na. pero its really kinda hard tlga..:p

Last March 5, me and babe together with my family went to MOA to watch Pyrolympics sadly me and babe wasn't able to watch for we were so stuck in traffic and busy looking for a parking space. So the next week we planned to go again for the last episode of the pyrolympics. But then Japan happened.:( sad for them. My mom got scared that she didnt want me to go but then eventually she said yes. Tita didn't reply to babe that's why he wasnt able to go. I was just me, my cousins and shei. There's something about fireworks that really gets me. I just love it! I reallly reall love fireworks. It feels magical at some point and the feeling where everything stops and making it just perfect. Here's a shot i took from my touch and its been my home screen for it since then.

hmm what else can i say! oohh!! Me and babe have been talking about our grad gifts to each other lately. He wants a zooyork shoes and im still deciding whether to get a bag or a hopefully red swatch watch or just a plain swatch watch! Babe's really been thinking of what kind of bag would he be giving me and last night it came to me how long have ive been watching a swatch watch specifically a red one. So there, the next time we go to the malls, we'll be canvasing our grad gift to each other!:) weee

Well that's all for now i guess. Thanks you, "you know who you are" for giving me a nudge to blog again. I really missed it! Thanks dear!:)

-A

Got Hold Off.

2011-02-24T14:29:00.003+08:00

Today i passed my requirements to Cebu Pacific. My requirements were complete but i got hold off because my medical results were still not delivered. I found out this morning from my fellow cabin crew applicants that you can see the medical resutls online. When i got home, i viewed my results. That's when i found out that my xray results showed that i have "MILD THORACIC DEXTROSCOLIOSIS". By the word scoliosis, i got scared, really scared for me, and for my application to Cebu Pacific. I researched online and found out that its a minor scoliosis problem wherein one shoulder is lower than the other. That's why i have those kind o f pictures and back pain! :( And now, i am worried that my application to Cebu Pacific would go down the drain because of this. Sad. I still have to wait though of my final medical appointment with the company doctor. I hope they let me through, somehow it grew in me that i really want to pursue this job. All i need to do now is wait.:|

-A

Itsabbysthefaithfullyinlove.tumblr.com

2011-02-21T11:01:00.004+08:00

Btw, i made a new tumblr account. I realized i only have blogspot and twitter to pour out all my feelings into it. Blogspot, takes a lot of effort to writing and stuff, Twitter is just for my rants and yeah i do have a Tumblr account but its all just reblogs and my original posts always gets drowned in all the things i reblog. So that's when i decided to make a new one. I never wanted to drop my identifier "Faithfullyinlove." i've been attached to that ever since i thought of it. So, i named my new tumblr account Itsabbysthefaithfullyinlove. I'll be posting photoblogs here. Easy way to do it! Photo + caption + feelings are the things it all needs, ohhh + wifi connection so i can do it straight from my touchy! :) Don't worry i wont be turning my back on blogspot for its where my heart really is, i just hope i find the "kasipagan" to write. hihihihi So that's it i just wanna share my new tumblr account, where all posts would be about me and MY life!:)

-A

I had a dream

2011-02-21T10:05:00.002+08:00

I woke up today with tears on my eyes. Why? I had a dream, and its not a good one. It seemed so real that why i woke up crying. My dream went on like this..

We were in a house, we were talking to a friend, Jeri, and she was inviting me and boyfriend to a party somewhere. So i said yes, and i think i really wanted to go, but then boyfriend interrupted and said "Wag na yan, wag ka na sumama. Ano gagawin mo dun? Makakagulo ka lang skn.... JOKE" something like that. He said joke, or was he laughing in the end, teasing me but he was serious about it. I think he just laughed so that i wont be ashamed from our guest. After that, i ignored him and just walked out of the room. I was about to cry when 2 of our friends came in the room, Theo and Minseun, and they said that Babe wanted to talk to me. I went out and we sat on the couch and he talked to me. He said that something like im too pushy on wanting to do things, that ang kapal ng mukha ko.. im really soft when this kind of things happen to me, even in real life. As you know i'm a cry baby. So i cried. I cried really hard, but after like a minute of crying he comforted me naman, saying sorry and i think he hugged me pa. When i was crying in my dream, i kept on thinking that i was gonna blog on what i feel about it. Then i woke up, crying.

It seemed so real. Really real. My dream brought up issues like his bullying me and the thing with him and his friends. Well his bullying, sometimes im still not used to it, his been like that ever since. Sometimes he's really so sweet, but there's also a period when he starts to become so bully and somehow it lasts for a while, but eventually goes back to his sweet side. Well, i guess thats him, i hope he stays on his sweet side much more often..:D hihihi hmm.. well, for his friends. Its not that he prioritizes his friends over me, but sometimes when he's with them, i think he forgets about me. I think. Sometimes, he's so hard to reach and i settle on not making kulit him when he's out with his friends.

Wala lang, for now i guess i miss spending time with him. Yes, we've been seeing each other for couple of hours in a day, but i feel like there's something missing. don't get me wrong, i always have a great time with him but there's this after feeling that something was not there. i dont know what it is. I guess i miss spending quality US time, when its just me and him and us, and where nothing else matters. Well the year's just starting, as i have said, and a lot of things have changed for us or will start to change. I know we'll get through it together. Mark my words, WE WILL. :)

-A

A Valentines Date 2011

2011-02-14T23:27:00.005+08:00

Vdate with babe @ Pancake House BF! It was just a typical date date for us, except for the flowers of course. We met up at Toyota, then went to Pancake House for Dinner. He got the Hamburger steak special thingy, and i got the Salisbury steak special, before started eating we really wanted to have desserts but decided to order afterwards so that we would be able to pick from all the delicious food. After eating, we were so full that we said enough of the food please. haha! And the funny part was when he was about to pay the bill, the waiter said that there was a free Valentines Card. We kept on laughing afterwards about it, and i even teased him, that if he wanted to give me a valentines card he shouldnt have made the waiter do it!:P hahaha!! Then we went to ruins and to buy some dvds and then thats when we decided to go home. He had headaches before our date, but still he decided that we push through with our date. I had fun again tonight and it feels good that ur not alone for valentines day!:) o2.14.11

-A

Positivity.

2011-02-04T22:09:00.002+08:00

Whenever i have a problem i always try to look onto its positive side. I think thats why i dont get mad as much as any other person does, but one thing, i easily feel down or sad. Well tomorrow is my Graduation! yey finally after how many years ill be making my parents proud! The funny thing is, my dad was even the first one to invite his guests for my grad party when i haven't even invited mine. I think he's really proud to finally have me grauduating. Anyways, he(boyfriend) wont be there tomorrow for my graduation, and i am so much jealous with my friend because her boyfriend would be there once our graduation is finished. I don't wanna be sad anymore. I just want to savor the moment that im finally graduating. Babawi nalang kami ni beb pag balik nya! I SHALL DEMAND OF THIS! AND I SHALL MAKE IT HAPPEN! He owes me that much!:)

Positivity! lets all be happy!:) soo excited for tomorrow!:)

-A

Ang Sad Ko.

2011-02-04T00:22:00.002+08:00

Ang sad ko. Ang sad sad sad ko tlga.

As all of you know im having my grad/bday party this sunday. Actually kaya sya sunday is because yun lang ung chance na makakapunta si beb on my party. And its the only way that he can be a part of one of the most important part of my life. And maybe i was wrong to expect too much na makakapunta siya when i know theres a chance that he cant really come, ksi nga nasa palawan sya starting tom till sunday. And i found out kanina lang na gabi pa ung dating nila..:( ayoko naman ipilit pa sknya na dumaan sya sa bhy kasi malamng he's tired from his trip. And i guess im starting to get tired na pilitin maging parte pa sya ng grad ko. Kasi parang super pinipilit ko na maging part sya pero kht anong gawin ko hindi tlga ea.

And another thing, kaya lalo ako nasasad is its because im feeling distant. Ngaun pa na lelessen ung mga text nya when im expecting, actually hoping na mas lambingin nya ako ksi nga super nasasad ako. Nafefeel ko pa na parang he's not making up for it. Parang wala lang sknya. It really is important to me, ayoko lang super ipakita sknya na nasasad ako ksi bka isipin nya nagiinarte ako.:( alam ko naman na its out of his control and i understand because its his family thing.

Err im crying..:,( i want to be okay about it pero nalulungkot tlga ako. Hindi ko mapigilan umiyak.:( i tried telling him about my feelings. Ksi bka sbhin nya ganito pla nararamdaman ko pero hindi ko snsbi sknya. He called when he received my text, he asked why and i said wala lang. Namimiss lang kita..:( tapos parang ngalit pa sya ksi nagising ko siya sa text ko e early pa sya tom. And he put down the phone without even saying i love you.:(

Hai.. Am i over reacting? Overthinking? Expecting too much? I dont know.

-A

Oh my february 1!

2011-02-01T20:35:00.003+08:00

Today has been really a uhm.. Great? Not really day! Haha super malas!
1st misfortunate event of the day: i just found out na hindi pa kami cleared sa chem lab! Oh shit tlga! Super BV! So we went all the way to chem lab and then back to accounting to fix the problem. Stressful!

2nd misfortunate event of the day: when i got back to the condo, the sink was still not fixed. Errr i went to the admin and reported it. Luckily i found time to sleep while they were fixing it.

3rd misfortunate event of the day: boyfriend.:( freaking globe's making me sad. I have been texting him eversince lunchtime till late afternoon and ive gotten no replies from him. Err but then he called, he said he cant send messages. Hmp. Hate it but i understand.

4th misfortunate event of the day: while waiting for our driver i decided to go down to rob to look for a grad dress. We went to Maldita and i saw this black dress. It was a little bit formal and looks great for a grad dress. The best part of it is that if shows my curves! Ahaha oh yes i have curves! :) So i decided to buy it, but before paying i saw the sale shirts! sooo i took the ones i liked! and my oh my when i was paying, oooh my! My credit card was EXPIRED na daw! ay grabee tlga! nakakahiyaa!!:( buti nalang mababait sila ate! i had cash but it was not enough! I really wanted to buy, kht yung dress lang! pero the dress was 1399 and my cash was only 1300! super bv! haha.. So sbi ko babalikan ko nlng ung shirts ung shirts on thursday but the dress im not sure na. i went to karimadon and kept looking for a black dress that will cost less than 1300! haha... and thank GOD i saw one! its really nice! love it!:)

and for the record our cars' plate number was gotten by the POLICE! so much! for smoke belching daw! haha.. super malas day!:| buti nlng hindi ako bv! staying positive today! its the 1st day of the month and i wouldnt want to be so nega about it. anyways, Grad practice tom!:) yey!:) its our time to shine! haha:))

-A

Bloging from my itouch

2011-02-01T10:41:00.002+08:00

Ooohh im trying this app for my iphone, and if this posts then it works! Haha yey! Im looking for a blog app wherein i can write offline then post it later on. Coz it really takes a lot of effort for me to open and login through my laptop. So i hope this works, so that whenever i want to blog i can do it quickly right here and just post it when theres access to net. Well i hope this works!

-A

Goodbye January and Hello February!

2011-02-01T10:14:00.007+08:00

Hello February!! Today's the first day of the month, the LOVE month to be exact. Somehow i'm a little bit excited for this month, i think its really going to be interesting. But before anything else i would like to write about my January.

January.

It was really an interesting month! The highlights of it all was when he visited me in Marinduque, my birthday(which i really didnt celebrate much), my tita and tito's 25th anniversary wedding, my new ipod touch and the day He came to surprise me.

Visit.

I've already blogged about this one and i still am happy about it. Having to have someone like him who's willing to go the distance just for me. :) o1.o6-o9

Birthday.

Overall, i guess my birthday for this year was really sad. :( I didn't have a party or went out with my friends or such, i stayed home with my family and helped in preparing for my Tita's wedding. And i think the worst part of it all is that he wasnt with me. I guess its true, the saying that even though your in a room full of happy people, but when the one you wanted the most isn't there it feels just empty as it is. And that's how i felt. I was grateful that i was surrounded with my lovely family but it's just ain't complete without him.:( I even cried before my birthday for he was saying sorry that he cant be with me. I know i know, i understand he can make up for it any other day and just make it special, even more special but somehow its just different when he's exactly there with me on the day of my birthday.:( oh well, we just really can't have it all. o1.22

Tita and Tito's 25th Wedding Anniversary.

I just looooove weddings! It reminds me that fairytale's do happen in real life. That love can conquer all. Especially weddings like this, 25th anniversary, 50th anniversary, its a reminder that even though years have passed relationships can still work out. It's really all about choosing to stay together against all odds. I remember the priests' opening remarks saying.

"Tinanong ko si Myrna kung anong nararamadaman niya, sabi niya kinakabahan daw siya, parang first time daw ulit. Ganun naman tlga, lagi natin tinatanong sa mga sarili natin kami pa kaya? tayo pa kaya in 25 years? in 50 years kaya?"

Boom beybeh! soo true, that would always be the question and i think the only answer to that is "ONLY IF YOU CHOOSE TO." I wanted him to be there, so that he can spend time with my family in this wonderful occasion, but he was still in baguio. sadsad.:( anyways, we were so pretty that day! i soo love the way i did my make up!:) o1.24

Ipod Touch.

My birthday came and my grad will be soon so i was thinking of something that i would ask from my parents. I wanted to ask for money, but i thought that if i do, they might not give me money na because they'll say may pera na ako. The next thing i thought off was, a new digicam! But then i remember mom has an extra so sayang naman.:) uhmm.. sunod CAR!:) haha.. pero dad told me na bibili nya daw tlga ako, pero pag daw my work na ako, kasi baka daw hindi ko naman magamit. haha Tapos IPOD TOUCH! haha.. at first my mom said okay, but then as time passes by, it seems like she's not paying full attention everytime i try to remind her about the Ipod. But at the end of the day! Mom bought me one!:) yey I now have 32gb IPOD TOUCH 4G!

Surprise.

Everytime i remember this day, it always leaves a smile on my face.:) I woke up really early that day because i have to get my brothers' card at southville. And then we decided to meet up later that afternoon to find a grad dress. I said that we meet up around 3 or 4pm. I felt sleepy so i slept, then he texted that we should meet up around 4pm so much better coz i still have time to sleep. Do you know the feeling when you wake up a little just to change position, that's what happened to me. I was turning and when i opened my eyes his face was moving forward to my face. And I HAD THE BEST REACTION!! too bad he didn't caught it in video!:))) I almost screamed! wait, i think i did! kulang nalang tumakbo akooo! haha! its as if i saw a ghost running after me! oh my! super benta tlga reaction ko that day! Super funneh tlga! O.O Well, thats it. then we went Window shopping in hoping to find a grad dress, but then along the way i lost the bracelet he gave me for christmas.:( i think it fell off my arm when i was trying on some dresses.:( oh well,, he didnt get mad but i really felt bad and sad about it. He said papaltan naman daw nya ng bago!:) yey!!! looove it! can't wait! and i really promise na hindiii ko na iwawalaaaa..:) o1.28

Goodbye January! and Hello february! Things to look forward to this month:

1. Grad Practice!

2. Graduation!

3. Party.

4. Our 33rd monthsary!

5. MUST FIND A JOB! =)

6. MORE DATE with Babe!

7. My guesting as a speaker! waaah(scary!)

8. Panagbengga Festival in Baguio

and ooohh.. 9. valentines day!:) hihihihi That's all for now!:)

-A

Goodbye my 2010 and Hello 2011.

2011-01-19T23:19:00.007+08:00

Goodbye my 2010 and Hello 2011.

2010.

I can say that my 2010 has been one of the best years in my life. I started 2010 by taking chances. I took a chance on my boyfriend again, by being his girlfriend. I followed my heart and it didn't fail me. I'll admit it was not a perfect year but it was something really extraordinary. There were times that we fought hard and it also came to a point when i really really wanted to end things with us. But he proved and showed me that when he came back, he came back for good. And that he wanted this relationship to work sharing our own differences. I can say that he bounced up really high and took my heart. HE ACTUALLY SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET AGAIN. Every time he tries to make it up to me, he sweeps me off my feet and makes me happy like i never had before. He leaves me this feeling of happiness, contentment and security of his love. As i have said before, we have a BIPOLAR LOVE. From a fight gone wrong to a very very happy date. Truly OUR 2010 will be one of the best years of our love because it left me pure bliss and happiness.

2011.

We started our 2011 with such wonderful memories. I wasn't able to get back to manila with my brother so he came after me. He went to Marinduque! After i think 2 years he came back to our province. We really didn't do a lot of activities, we just hang around with the company of each other making every moment count. We fooled around, cuddled when we got the chance. My mom was always out there watching over us, so we tried our best to behave and keep some distance from each other. She's really conservative and warns me once in a while when we start to become too close or sweet. But besides having my mom around bugging me once in a while for my actions, it didn't stop us from having fun and enjoy the fact that we are together. I can say that him coming to our province means a lot to me. And the highlight of it all..

We spent our 32nd monthsary together.:)

Im hoping that 2011 would be as good as our 2010 and hopefully even better. 2011 is really a start for me. Im graduating this February meaning no more school and that i need to find a work. haha Well 2011 surprise me of what you have in stored for me. I will be waiting!

*Here are some pictures of us when he visited MARINDUQUE. Jan 6-9, 2011!

-A

PICTURE

2010-12-16T22:09:00.003+08:00

err.. i've been trying to upload this to my facebook account but fb wont allow it!! i would like to make this as my new profile pik! boo them!!:( anyweiz, one of our happiest days that we were able to took pictures!:) i looooove!:)

-A

Texting.

2010-11-30T00:11:00.003+08:00

Me and babe texting:

Babe: Babe ang cute kooo.:)

Me: Slight lang babe.:)

Babe: Dapat all over.:)

Me: haha.. okay fine.:)

Babe: Say iiiit!:)

Me: You're cute and i love you.:)

Babe: Yey i'm cute and i love me too..:)

Me: Stop loving yourself too much and love me some mooore..:(

Babe: hahaha! of course babe mi loves you so much.:)

Me: tologooo? love mo kooo?..:)

Babe: Tuhmuh i labs you babe.....

Texting, overrated, overused but when you're texting with me. Everything just seems to be a little bit better, especially when you're this sweet. This things/simple talks gives me hope that our love can make it through. i hope you don't get tired of being sweet cause it really makes a lot of difference to me. Even though we know that you love us, nothing beats hearing them from you once in a while. All girls really need to be assured of a guys love every now and then.

-A

Find Me. Please.

2010-11-29T21:03:00.004+08:00

We say the only thing constant in this world is change. And truly, everything changes, everyone changes. The reason why i'm blogging is because i'm sad. I'm feeling sad again. Lately i'm feeling detached from our relationship. I think it's because i'm feeling that he's giving less than i wanted to get from him. These past few days iv'e been wanting him to text me more often, because lately he's been slacking of from it. It hurts to know that he's starting to be this way. It makes me feel unimportant to him. I know maybe he's busy or sometimes i think that maybe "tinatamad lang sya magtext" pero for me it's not an excuse. I'm busy too but i don't make it happen that i forget to text him or watsoever.

Being a part of somebody else's life especially in his life is one of the most important thing to me. Just like before i want to be in his life even though it's just the same thing everday. Yesternight i got to tell him that i'm really starting to get fed up with his attitude of not texting me as much as he used to. i even told him that he makes me think that maybe i'm becoming more needy of him or that im giving him his freedom too much that he's taking it for granted. He told me and assured me that this is not the case.

I love him. i do. but why am i feeling this way. There's something missing. i guess i really miss spending time with him, again. somethings in between us and i dont know what it is. i want to figure out what it is, but i'm lost and is overwhelemed by my sadness. I dont want to stay like this for a long time because i know eventually this will hurt me. maybe i miss his sweetness also, lately he's been really teasing me and i think that has an effect on me too.

I'm getting lost. Starting to fall apart and go astray. I hope he finds me soon. Coz i don't wanna go on alone.

-A

Land of The Loving

2010-11-23T23:29:00.002+08:00

Land of the Loving

Deep in your eyes is a promise

Love can be ours if we want it

Starting tonight ev’ry dream I ever knew

Here in your arms I’m believing

Fin’lly my life has a meaning of its own

Here in the land of loving I am home

I was alone in the city

Searchin’ for someone to find me

cold empty nights and a million strangers’ eyes

Here in your arms I’m beginning

To leave behind all the loneliness I knew

Here in the land of loving there is you

[Chorus]

In this simple room magic is made

Though the world seems unchanged

Leave the lights on I’m a little afraid

This might be just one sweet dream

Deep in the night love is growing

Though I had no way of knowing

That when I found you I found ev’rything I need

Here in your love I’ll be staying

Fin’lly my life won’t be living all alone

Here in the land of the loving I am home

[repeat Chorus]

Deep in the night love is growing

Though I had no way of knowing

That when I found you I found ev’rything I need

Here in your love I’ll be staying

Fin’lly my life won’t be living all alone

Here in the land of the loving I am home

I am home

on our 30th!:)

2010-11-09T17:46:00.004+08:00

On our 30th! ♥11.o8.1o

He came to school and surprised me. At first i thought he forgot that it was our monthsary but it came to me that it was weird that he wasn’t texting me. So somehow i expected that he’ll come for me but i didnt put my hopes up cause i dont want to get dissapointed. He talked to a friend of mine to make me stay in school to wait for him. It was also weird because she didn’t really clear things out why im staying with her in school. After sometime of waiting, he called and said that he was waiting for me in Southgate! And there he is! Everything that bothered me, missing him and not being able to spend much time with him, vanished. My eyes sparkled when i saw him, my smile was up to my ears and my heart was jumping with joy! We went to Rob,Manila ate Lunch at Tempura, played childish games at Timezone, Tried to go shopping, watched MEGAMIND(funny movie!), then took a cab back home, then we ate dinner “sinigang na bangus” yuumm! and made our kulitans! It was such a perfect day that i couldnt ask for more! Up until today i couldn’t get over it!:) Thanks babe! i love you and Happy 30th!:)

-A

Criminal Minds Season 6 Episode 4

2010-10-23T23:01:00.001+08:00

Garcia: How often do i tell you that i love you?
Morgan: Everyday, its implied!:)

*kiliiiiig! Penelope and Derek forever! Criminal Minds So6Eo4..♥ ooh how i love those two!:)

Perfect

2010-10-22T21:47:00.001+08:00

Perfect by Jason Derulo

I nearly lost my mind tryna figure out a way

To make you understand, I can't go on another day

Or maybe was wrong, been confused and let astray

Please give me one chance

Cause I can't take what's happening...

Have you ever lost someone

Tried to take them back but the damage is done

Thought of losing you makes me feel so sad

How am I gonna sleep when it feels this bad

I know enough is enough

Its going to be tough to get through this

Ill never be perfect, Ill never be cool

Ill always be nothing, unless Im with you

Cause you make me perfect, tell me what can I do

The pieces are missing, when Im not with you

You make me... ohh...

I know that I deserve it

But have you really lost all faith

You know inside that we're worth it

Theres so more for us to say

Baby I was lost, or maybe I was just afraid

Would you please forgive me?

And hold me in your arms again

Have you ever lost someone?

Tried to take them back but the damage is done

Thought of losing you makes me feel so sad

How am I gonna sleep when it feels this bad

I know enough is enough

Its going to be tough to get through this

Ill never be perfect, Ill never be cool

Ill always be nothing, unless Im with you

Cause you make me perfect, tell me what can I do

The pieces are missing, when Im not with you

You make me... ohh...

Dont say nothing's perfect cause it isn't true

Everything I see so clear with you

Everything I dream appears with you

Everything I need is here with you

Everything could be so... perfect...

oh ...

Ill never be perfect, Ill never be cool

Ill always be nothing, unless Im with you

Cause you make me perfect, tell me what can I do

The pieces are missing, when Im not with you

You make me... ohh...

Perfect...

You make me perfect...

You make me so perfect...

My very own piece of magic.

2010-10-21T22:35:00.007+08:00

We say that past is past, that whatever happens in the past should be left there but somehow i have come to realize that the past is a big part of us. For some, they bury the bad memories and stay with the good ones but isn't it the bad ones are the ones that makes us who we are in the present.

One night, me and boyfriend came to talk about the past the day he finally, i mean literally finally finally decided that he wants me back in my life. Somehow, i found myself wanting to talk about it, about the past maybe because whatever happened back then made us who we are and brought us where we are right now.. falling more in love with each other.

We try our best to be the perfect person for our loved ones, that we sometimes forget that who we are would be enough to the person who loves us. Comparing our life today from what we have been, i can say that we have been better. Understanding more, more patience, more trust, loving more and having more faith in US.

Sometimes making a relationship work is all about not letting go and never giving up. Seeing the worst of the both of you but still holding on. Fighting hard for what you believe is right but in the end raising up the flag just for the sake that you guys would stop fighting. It's not about who is right and who is wrong but its about the person you love is much more important the problem.

I miss blogging and for now this is all i've got to say. I, WE have been so much better for this past few months. I have been so much happier that we are here at this moment of our life were everyday has been a happy loving day.

Just like every moment we have is perfect.

He's my very own piece of magic everyday..:)

1o. 2o. 2o1o

His mom's birthday dinner at Seaside, Cavite.

-A

Growing old is a choice.

2010-09-17T22:47:00.003+08:00

The last time i attempted to blog was when we made it through our fights. It was one of the worst weeks of our relationship i think. We fought almost about every little thing. It was really hard for me hoping that everytime we said its okay that it will be okay, but i was most of the time wrong. For we got into fight and into another. It was draining both of us. The accusations, misunderstandings, hotheadedness, the shouting(even thought its just through texts or chatting) and the wanting everything to be okay. I almost cried myself to sleep and woke up only finding myself thinking about our fight and end up finding a tear falling from my eyes. It was hard.

Then we finally decided to make things better. We both agreed to see pass through it. That day we decided to be okay, i initiated to go out with him. But then he had to pick up his brother from the dorm, so i said i'd accompany him. On my way to seeing him, i was scared that there would be a gap between us. After all the fights we've been the past few days, it wont be easy to act as if im very happy or that everything is okay. Because underneath the want that i wanted to be with him is the feeling of doubt. I doubted our love, if we can make it through till the end. And yes, up until now, i still ask myself that sometimes.

Will it still be us in the future?.. Will we make it through? Will our love be strong enough? Will he hold on to me? Will he let go? Will i still be strong enough to hold on?..

On the way to picking up his brother, the ride was kinda bit awkward. I was silent because i was thinking and i just cant pretend that im super okay because even though we are i was hurt somehow. So we tried talking to work things out. I just kept on smiling but behind all those smile i know he felt that i was sad.

And out of nowhere he took my hand and he kissed it

. And right there and then my worries melted away. As if he reassured me that everything will be okay, and that he was there loving me whatever happens.

Every once in a while i find myself thinking about forever. About tomorrows and tomorrows and tomorrows basically what and who will i be with in the future. I question our relationship, our love. Will it withstand the test of time? or Will our story of a love just be another chapter of our lives?

Then it comes to me the quote that i got from the interview of Charlene and Aga Muhlach.

"Growing old is a choice."

and i think that is true. We say that the choices we make molds us. And the choice of wanting to and staying with the person you love through thick or thin will always depend on you. Loving someone takes a great leap of faith, trust, understanding, sacrifice, pain, happiness, and a lot more of things. And i guess at the end of this blog all i really wanted to say is that somehow im hoping that we can make it through. We're both not perfect, we have our flaws but after all we've been through i guess there's nobody else in the world i would choose but to be with him. Because with every time that we spend with each other i find home with him. I find that feeling of home. With him.

-A

:(

2010-08-20T00:33:00.001+08:00

im hurting so much i dont know what to say..:(

We stay in love.

2010-08-01T23:21:00.003+08:00

Today is August 1 and exactly a year ago me and my boyfriend once decided to go our separate ways. That was a year ago, and now we've never been happier. I can say that as of right now, we're more mature in many ways, more contented and just happier than before. No expectations from each other, no blaming of anything just more understanding and so much love.

For every girl that has gotten her heart broken by a man he loves, she will never totally let go of that feeling of uncertainty that one day it can and will happen again. But when that man decides to love you back more than you'll ever think of, reassure you almost everyday that he loves you, and just making you happy everyday that feeling of uncertainty just flies out the window.

I admit it. For today, it came to me that maybe he's not happy again or his just settling for us. For me. But assuming can lead you to nowhere. Today we went out on a date, and then we just ate out and thats it. I felt that the time wasn't really that enough cause i really missed him. After he dropped me off, he went home and he didn't text me for a while. Yes from there i got to think of our day, and of what he could have been thinking or feeling, remembering what had happened a year ago.

But then he texted me that he had just gotten credits for his phone and that his registering it for unli. I didn't reply coz' somehow i hated it when he does that, when he doesn't take time to let me know man lang that he wouldn't be texting because he has no load. Then he called, telling me that he couldn't register and that he would go online. It was just a simple call but that "i love you" in the end was more than enough to remind me that he really does love me.

For all the things that was bothering me today i asked him if he was happy.:

Me:(stat) for a second the sky was mine.
Him: :*
Him: ill make it last for a lifetime..:)
Me: awww.. i love you..:*
Him: i love you moreeeer..:)
Him: morer is a word ! :*
Me: haha! it is?..:) okaay..:*
Me: Is me boyfriend is happy?..:)
Him: yeeep :)
Him: and youuuuu ? :)
Me: so muuuuch!!! :)

Sometimes we're afraid to ask the questions in our hearts, in our minds but sometimes asking is the best way to let go of that thought. Like asking is closure. Knowing that he's happy was all i needed to know to make all my fears go away.

Being loved truly is something close to seeing magic especially when that person isn't afraid to show you and let you know that you are loved, that you are taken care of, that he cares about you and what you feel. Being with someone like that makes you a lucky person. Therefore i am lucky because im loved by him.:)

Im not saying that we are perfect, because we're not. Im saying that i love him. He loves me. He makes me happy. He's happy. We're happy. And we both choose to stay together.
We stay in love.:)

-A

why does it have to be this way?.

2010-06-30T01:11:00.002+08:00

It's been a rough night.:( I'm hurt on how things worked out between him and my friends.:( why does it have to be this way?.. i love him i do.. but i love my friends too.. Do i really have to choose?..

I will be resting for now.. im really tired, physically and emotionally.. i just hope everything gets better.

-A

Love Overload

2010-06-24T10:42:00.004+08:00

Too much cheesyness... Too much Love.. Too much of kesooo.. but i like it soo much!:) It's been obvious lately that my boyfriend has been over cheezy, don't get me wrong but i like this version of him. I just realy hope it wont just fade away that quickly. Starting today, his going to be over busy because his going to start his revisions for thesis. That's fine with me, of course I understand that, he promised me that after that we'll be spending time together. He also said that his mom has been telling him to start working as soon as his finish with his thesis, and he told me that we'll be spending some time muna before he starts working. And he even promised me that he'll visit me when he has time.

I like this kind of moments when he tells me rather shows me that no matter how busy he will be, he'll think of me. And this shows that he really cares. Its the assurance of love. That things may change, we both might get busy but it's telling each other that we really want to be with each other besides that. I watched Hachiko last friday, and there was a scene when the father was asking the guy if he loves her daughter, and of course he said yes and the father told the son that, "Remember that, you love her, that's what you're going to think of during bad times." Truly, sometimes its all about choosing to say for the one you love.

I had made the picture on date week my profile pic for my facebook and yahoo but then my boyfriend got jealous and told me he wants one too. So i made him one.:) It's a good feeling when you're constantly reminded that you're loved and being miss. And i'm actually feeling that right now. All thanks to him, He makes me happy like no other person can..:)

And if it's love overload, i'd still want it that way every once in a while..:)

-A

Date week..:)

2010-06-22T21:10:00.006+08:00

This was supposed to be posted last Saturday night but then i got lazy.. so here goes..:)

My boyfriend and I have been planning to go on a movie marathon date after his thesis defense. His thesis defense was scheduled last Wednesday, but then, it got cancelled. So somehow i ggot sad because our movie marathon date would be moved again. Fyi, i have been like a bum lately, my classes are only on Mondays and Wednesdays, so i got so much time on my hands. Friday, June 18, i was chatting with him on yahoo. I realized that i have nothing to do for the weekends, so ill just be stuck up watching dvds, surfing the net, reading the book or sleeping it off. Knowing that he's still doing thesis and that maybe he was busy, i pulled my mind away from our planned movie dates. But that night, i got the guts for the first time as i remember, to ask him out.

"Me: may ggwn ka tomorow?.. :) watch tyo movieeee!!! hahaha :D

Him: sge sge :)

Him: karate kid :) ?

Me: YES! haha.. un din nasa isip koo..:)"

So there!! he said yes..:) haha.. So there, i dont know how, but he really got excited with our date.. He even posted on my wall at facebook. And even after we talked and made our kulitans in ym and got that little argument of who logouts first on yahoo, he texted me his goodnight and iloveyous..:) and i slept that night with a smile on my face.:)

The next day our date day, he texted me goodmorning and reminded me on what time i should leave the house. We met up at around 11:30am at ATC. When we got there, the lines to the ticket booth where really long because of toy story 3. At 11:30am, the 12:45 time slot for toy story 3 was already sold out!! I was sooo glad we we're gonna watch Karate Kid! haha.. We bought our favorite popcorn: WHITE CHEDDAR flavor and watched the movie. The movie was great, funny and sooo cute..:) After the movie, we thought of watching A-team but the lines were still loong so we decided to go home. The car ride was fun even though its a just a short trip from ATC to my house. We kept on laughing and made kulitan. We ordered Mcdo, one of our other date food, and watched the Disney movie marathon at Disney channel namely: Toy story 2, Wall-e, and Ratatouille. Then we slept into each others arms.

Today, he passed his thesis defense and i was like hell yeah!!:) haha.. But then, he still has to finish his revisions by next week. That's fine with me! as long as i know that his almost done, i can have him all to myself.:)

These past few weeks reminded me of the week of our first date. I remembered the time when i told him that my cheeks were hurting because of him. It was because i couldn't help smiling. I was soo happy that he came into my life. And this week, it reminded me of that moment when i find myself smiling of the thought that i have someone like him who loves me. It's a feeling i would like to remember over, and over again. Sometimes i call our love a Bipolar love because there are times that he makes me feel like his caring less, and even the feeling of he doesn't care anymore, but then its times like this when he reminds me of how much he loves me. When he makes up for the unwanted feelings i felt, he makes up for it big time. And i just love the way how he does that. He erases every memory of my doubts and fears and replaces it with memories i would like to keep forever. Our relationship might not be perfect, its like a roller coaster ride in 4D, but its everything i hoped it would be.:) haha..

-A

Kinikilig ako! bakit ba?!

2010-06-16T23:55:00.009+08:00

If i have two hearts, i will use the first one to love you,

and the other one to love you more.♥

it's been a while since iv'e posted a happy blog. So let this be one of them.:)

Today, i got a surprise visit from him. Actually, i kinda expected it even yesterday, for he kept asking me where was i, and that what time will i be home. Nonetheless, expecting and him actually coming over is different.

I was printing my chem papers, when the doorbell sounded. No one was answering, so i called ate and told her that "Ate, may taooooo.." After so, the doorbell rang again, I went to check from the terrace who it was. Actually, when the doorbell rang i really had that gut feeling that it was him, but then i kept on thinking that who'd be coming over here at this time. When i looked out from the terrace, i saw his car, and then saw him. I was suppose to call him, but then i ran back inside and acted as if i saw nothing! haha! so when he went up, i smiled and said.. "what are you doing here?..:D" yes! ganyan ka laki ung smile ko..:D haha.. He said, wala lang daw, he came from cavite and delivered some products and just thought of dropping by.

I love surprises. I really do. And this one, this is one of the things that make me love him more. Even though i expected that he was coming over, seeing him actually out there outside my house was something i never expected.:) gulo? haha!! to make it short. I LOVED THE FACT THAT HE CAME. Unplanned. Unexpected. Unforgettable. alamo ung super happy?.. ako un.:) i dont know why, but iv'e never felt this happy for a while now. It's that feeling that even after he left, i got this happy feeling that i can't take off of me. Basta yun na un! Ohh, i remember this feeling, it's like the feeling i felt way back before, when he used to surprise me when he came. I never thought i'd still feel this way again. In short, kinikilig ako! haha.. bakit ba?! haha.. Goodnight everybody!:) ay Goodmorning!:)

Happy to be in love..:)

-A

Attention

2010-06-11T20:29:00.002+08:00

"Very little is needed to make a happy life;

it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking"

~ Marcus Aurelius

His home. After almost three weeks of being apart, we've finally seen each other again. He arrived yesterday at exactly 5:38am(as he said). After school, i went home early so that we could be able to spend some time together. And he didn't fail me with this, after he woke up from resting, he came over to my house.

We watched tv, made our kulitans, cuddling, eating our favorite date food = pizza and we fell asleep because he wasn't really feeling well. I guess it was from his trip. I missed him so much that just having him beside me was more than enough. I had fun being him. I always do! I just love spending my time, wasting time with him.

That was yesterday, and today i already miss him. It's just not the same anymore. I don't know why but when we're apart, i have a tendency to go all sad. I feel alone, feel sad, feel detached, and just i feel like i'm drifting away. There are times that he's overly sweet, caring and expressive of his love, but it never fails, that there will come a time that he makes me feel that he's starting to care less and less. Like today, I texted him good morning, he didn't reply. I just thought that maybe maybe his busy with thesis. But then i texted him again, and i told him that he wasn't texting, He replied, he said that he had no load earlier today that's why he wasn't able to reply. So i said okay, just text me when you have load na. And his reply was, he has already load na daw, nagpaload daw kasi siya. Parang ako, so kung hindi pa kita tnxt ndi ko malalaman na may load na siya. And then, i found out that he was at his friends house, making tambay. So okay, i told him to text me when his home already.

Later on, I saw him online on YM, i pm-ed him, and i asked him where he is na. And he told me his home already, uhmm.. what happened to "text me when your home na.|" soo okaaaay!! i pm-ed him once again, that i'll go out for a while, and he said okay. When i got back, he's not online anymore, and he didn't even leave me with a single message telling me what now.

Its hard, falling between the lines of understanding and demanding. It's hard, because i'm not the type of person who demands, even though i want things the other way around. And i'm also not the type of person who's pushy, that ill push myself to him. It's hard BECAUSE I WANT HIS ATTENTION so much!! I WANT IT TOO BAD..:( Even just a little of it, with love and care.

It's just a phase, it's just a phase, that's what i put in my mind. Hoping that everything will be alright. I know it will. I hope it will.:(

-A

This is how much i love you, with arms wide open

2010-06-06T23:51:00.007+08:00

Almost Everything

Michael Grubbs 2010

Just lay down with me before you go

It's the wrong thing I know

But I don't know when I will see you again

And it gets so lonely

You'd be be foolish if you stayed here now

Maybe if you leave we can work it out

I know the city only breaks you down

And it gets you lonely

Yeah, it's gonna get lonely

You miss the feeling when you step outside

And then your mind comes all untied

And then you open up your eyes

And you don't feel lonely

And it feels bad now but it's gonna get better

Someday

For the past few days, i've been feeling sad, feeling lost and feeling detached. The incident that happened between us before he left for his vacation kept on playing on my head. i don't know why it does, but maybe its because i really really really know for a fact that he shouldn't have treated me like that. But then again, i know there was a reason why, he was down and thinking so much about something. Of course i understand, but i guess the way he treated me was really wrong. because of that, i really got into thinking about things, about us. If i could still go on with it. I started questioning my love for him. Asking myself, how much i love him? how much i'll love him? and how much i will be willing to go through for him? for us. there where a lot of questions running through my head. i was confused.

So why rock a boat and make waves
And everything's coming okay
why am I confused if you love me
Thought this would be smooth sailing ~Undertow

It was something i never thought would happen to me. I went to mass with my family this evening, and while i was listening to the homily, I realized that giving up won't solve anything. and as far as i know, i'm not that kind of person, i would never ever give up on the person i love. especially when i know that there's still something there. During the homily, the priest lectured about the meaning and importance of the Eucharist. That the Crucifix was there to remind us what God is saying to us "THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, WITH ARMS WIDE OPEN."
And i started to realize from that simple phrase what love should be.

Love is something we give expecting nothing in return and i wanna love like Him, GOD. The purest love a person can give. Unconditional love. Expecting nothing in return. Loving without any doubt. And love by just believing in the person you choose to love. It won't be easy, but when its about the person you love, it will always be worth the try. It's all about taking that leap of FAITH.

I love him, i still do. I always have, and will always do.:) Whatever happens, happens. I have faith in him and HIM. :)

-A

:(

2010-05-20T23:43:00.002+08:00

i dont know why but i feel sad.:(

-A

It's all about choosing to stay

2010-05-02T18:01:00.002+08:00

Stay with me..
Promise me you'll never gonna leave..
Stay with me..
Lets try to be the best that we can be..
Take our time..

Love. A very powerful word that we all know, we have, we had, we feel. Last March 26, just right before he left for Bora we had a fight. It was just a simple fight, but with everything thats going through i started thinking that i had enough of all of it, of all the crappy fights that we've been going through for the past few weeks.

March 27, we were still not talking. It was the day of the party I organized. Somehow I was hoping that maybe he'd wish me luck on this one, but still nothing. In my head, i was giving him a deadline. if he hasn't txt me up until midnight. It's going to be over. And he didnt text me. Right there and then i was so sure that i would break up with him. At our party, we had Toki he was a tarot card reader. Around after midnight i asked him to read my cards on love. He said,

"masama and masyadong magpakamartyr..
this time you guys are taking some time to think about things..
alam mo sa sarili mo matagal na.. na hindi na magwowork out.. pero pinipilit mo parin..
then i asked, my future pa ba kme?.. No.."

And there it goes.. i saw my life with him over.. that time, i was so decided that i was going to break up with him.

March 28, I wasn't able to sleep well. when i woke up i decided to break up him with right there and then. so i texted him that we needed to talk. i told him i was tired and that im tired of the way he treats me when we fight. and he asked for this one last chance. but then i said that maybe this is for the better. my hearts tired of giving him all the chances he needs to fix us. in the end,, i decided give him this last chance. but for me, everything was all up to him.

And we worked it out. i couldn't be much more happier. He has changed i think. i know he has. up until now, we are working things out, and yes we are better. He is better. Sometimes we still have some fights and all. Fights, worries are inevitable in a relationship. One thing i learned from all of this.

No matter how many fights, how many times you try/want to let go, how many times you get tired.. its all about wanting to stay and work things out with the one you choose to love.

and yes I'm doing that. We're doing that. We're choosing to stay for US. To make it work out. and yes, I'm loving it. It's not perfect but it's all i need..

-A

old pictures

2010-03-26T15:46:00.003+08:00

.... i'm finding comfort in our old pictures..:(

... we used to be this happy..:(

-A

What's happening to us?..

2010-03-26T13:35:00.003+08:00

With every fight.. with every misunderstanding..

.... you're starting to lose me..:(

i know in a relationship, having a fight is normal.. but this time.. why does it feel that its not..? we're starting to fight about the simplest things in our relationship. i'm feeling that his patience with me is getting shorter as the days go by. He gets irritated more often about things i do. and the moment he confronts me about. He's mad already, as in super mad. What happened to our everyday love happy endings..? i don't feel that way anymore. i'm losing it again.. after our fight, i rushed into my cr and cried.. thinking if it's still really worth it.. is it?.. i'm feeling detached of what we had and what we have right now.. i know i love him i do.. but my feelings are starting to get crushed day by day when we fight..:( why is that?.. sometimes i think that maybe he's starting to care less about what i feel, but i also know that he can't be that heartless.. He has a heart,, a good one.. i saw it before and i fell in love with it.. sometimes it comes to me that maybe he's just really somewhat immature that he can't see the sense behind my part.. i'm really lost..

My friend told me.. "kung di mo na tlga kaya.. wag mo na ipilit.. Magiging okay kyo..tapos after some time.. ganun nnmn.. ndi ka pa ba napapagd?."

i answered.. "i dont know..:( pagod na.. pero okay nanmn kme ulet ea.. ill fight for it.. habang kaya ko pa.. i still think its worth it pa naman ea.. ill fight for it habang alam kong its still worth it.."

Is it still worth it?.. to be just okay with everything?.. maybe this is just a test.. superfriend.. make me strong..:(

errrr.. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO US?..:(

-A

Scared

2010-03-22T18:00:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i find myself strong. I see myself strong enough to let go.. Strong enough to be alone.. Far better off single.. but then it came to me.. maybe im not..:( and now im finding myself scared..:( i think the reason why i find the courage to be strong enough to let go is that.. i dont want to be left anymore..:( its like

"uunahan ko na xa, bago niya ako iwan.."..

maybe its wrong, but when i think of the moment he'll tell me that once again, HE's LOST AGAIN, CONFUSED.. it will really break my heart into pieces..:( because the moment i know he decides to give up on us it will hurt my heart like hell.. so im giving up on us first before he does..:(

As of right now, im waiting for him to tell me he wants to stay with me.. im not asking him to totally change himself.. i myself is not perfect.. but i try my best to walk my side of the bridge for him..

and maybe that's the only thing i need to know right now.. that he'll try to for me..:(

and now, im scared that he'll give up just because he's tired of trying..:( i dont know how i can take that.:( knowing he gave up because he got tired of trying will hurt the hell out of me.. and its scaring the hell out of me right now..:(

-A

Reality

2010-03-21T17:29:00.002+08:00

“Anyone can easily walk away from somebody else. Nobody is forced to stay; we all have choices. The real test is if someone would rather stay with you, even though walking away could be so much easier.”

~ i dont know why.. but i still want to stay..:(

-A

Need.

2010-03-21T16:27:00.003+08:00

Today is March 21, i'm sick and i should be resting, but i just can't take my mind off our fight. Lately I've been really feeling detached. Yesterday, my nerves got into me and i was really pissed off at him. He wasn't texting, i knew he had his exams but then how about after that. And then it came to me that maybe he has no credits anymore.. but then, whats an effort na makitxt xa para malaman ko.. I was really feeling ill and bad yesterday and my emotions were getting into me. around 10:45 he txted and he said na "Baby pagaling ka ngaun lang ako nagkaload. sorry tlga." okay, i was kinda relieved that he tried to txt me.. but it came to me, was it enough?.. i dont know.. maybe im too shallow but im looking for the sad faces in his txt or something. so then i replied and i was really cold.

I went online in facebook and he was online too. and he wasnt pm-ing me.. so okay so be it.. i logged out.. he texted and he was a bit mad.. like nagpm daw xa tapos sby nilogoutan ko daw xa.. but the truth is, i didn't see his pm.. my net was so lag dat his message didn't pop out.. i said i wasnt badtrip and d ko lang nakita ung message nya.. and then he said.. kung hindi daw ako badtrip bat daw ako ganun magtxt.. bhala daw ako kung galit ako or nagtatampo. so i started.. im not mad.. nagtatampo maybe.. and i told him dat i was feeling dat he cared less. and then he said dat wat happened to 1 txt lang okay na.. okay i get it, okay lang naman ung 1 txt lang ea.. pero hello, sana man lang he shows na he still cares about my life. oo nga magttxt sya but then he pushes me around. okay normal na un sknya pero should i just accept it even though im hurting. i dont know.. im not a demanding person.. but i have my needs.. i need to feel that im loved and dat he needs me.. and dat he wants me to be a part of his life and that he wants me to be a part of his.. im feeling detached. i dont know where should i go.. should i stay?.. should i go?.. i love him so much.. but its so hard that im always adjusting my feelings for him.. i love him soo soo much.. but that's not enough to make me happy..:( i need him to make me feel he needs me.. coz lately i dont feel that.. parang okay ittxt nya lang ako just because he needs to.. not because he wants to..:(

im lost. i dont know wat to do. i want it to work out. but i cant always cross my half of the bridge and his just to be with him.. wat happend to meeting half way?.. wat happened to compromise..?:( i need him to make me feel that we still have it.. that he still wants me..:( needs me..:(

-A

lost feeling..

2010-02-16T19:08:00.005+08:00

"And I-I-I'm in Love.. And I-I-I'm terrified for the first time and the last time in my only life..♥"

Why is it that when we fall in love it comes to a point where we get scared?.. where we get terrified..? and come to think of it.. we shouldn't be.. But that's the thing about being in a relationship and falling in love.. when you love someone, you just don't love the good stuff.. but you must learn how to love the whole package that comes with it.. and it's all about staying through the good and bad times.. Easy to say but hard to do..

The hardest part of being in love is when you start feeling unappreciated, when you start to feel that you're being ignored, the feeling that you're not needed any more.. the feeling when it seems like he doesn't care anymore. I've been there so many times.. and it's really hard to have all that faith in him when he makes you feel this way..

Today is March 14 already.. somewhere along the road i lost track of this entry.. and up until now.. i see myself still on the same road.. This morning i posted a quote on my tumblr from my favorite series.. oth..

“We go days without having a meaningful conversation. And, I used to miss you so much when that happened, but it never seemed like you missed me, and I guess because of it I stopped missing you.”

— One Tree Hill

It's what i'm feeling right now..:( sad to say but it is..:( i dont know why.:( it feels like i got tired of being strong.. i got tired of always understanding.. i know he is making an effort.. but somehow i'm feeling its not enough..:( sometimes i miss him so much and i do want to talk to him.. but everytime i do.. he pushes me around. bullies me.. its alright with me naman ea.. pero sana not always.:( i really hate it when he pushes me around.. i know he's just fooling around but sometimes its just really too much.. sometimes just knowing the fact that he'll just push me around makes me stop and think twice on talking to him.. because its like he doesnt care.. err.. im lost.. and i dont know where i stand.. i know i love him.. but i i've been feeling this way for about a couple of weeks now.. after a few weeks of not seeing each other, he finally finds the time to see me for an hour or so.. and i know its enough for me.. but when he leaves.. i always feel that there's something missing.. may kulang.. there's no long lasting feeling anymore..:( i missed that.. the way i used to feel so happy everytime we part ways.. how magical it made me feel to have him loving me.. but now i seem to have lost that feeling..:(

-A

At Random.

2010-01-06T22:12:00.003+08:00

HAPPY!! VERY!!..:)

Who ever knew that we can be this happy again.? finding comfort in him.. finding my happy place in his arms was everything that made everything so well. I missed the feeling of being with him.. being able to be loved by him.. and most specially being happy with him.. like nothing else matters but us. and hoping that it wont end. but sometimes i find myself wandering how long this will last? how long we will be this magical? how long can we keep it up?..

Last night i started reading(thanks to apple niedo!:)) Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.. It has been a long time that i have been looking for this book, and last wednesday waffle gave me an ebook copy of it. BUT I STILL REALLY REALLY WANT A HARD COPY OF THIS..:D Anyways, Introduction plang NAIYAK na ko..:) haha!! i dont know why,, but the intro was something that's really true.. in a middle of fight.. a hug.. a kiss.. a really really tight hug would make everything go away..

quoted from the book: She said, "John Gray, you're a fair -weather friend! As long as I'm sweet, loving Bonnie you are here for me, but as soon as I'm not, you walk right out that door."..

I find this line very true. why is it that when we are loving or must i say both of us our loving and sweet.. We tend to stay.. but once we blow our fuse, we fight, we contradict, we ALL try to walk away. and just say that we're not compatible. its simple as that.. and another line from the book that answers this one is..

"Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences."

again, very true!:) LOVE is truly magical.. It sweeps us all from our feet and sometimes out of no reason at all we smile, because amidst everything we go thru everyday, its knowing that someone that we love is loving us back. And nothing can get better than that..:) That's the difference when you're single and in a relationship. Being single: you wake up finding the courage to face everyday by yourself, but being in a relationship: you wake up smiling, cause you know no matter what happens thru your day there's someone out there loving you and who'll be with you in everything you do..:)

Jan 8, it's our supposedly 20th monthsary.. I guess, its still considered that we are in our 20th.. cause i know we didn't stop loving each other.. maybe we just stopped showing it for a while because of all the pain and distance that we felt.. but what matters most is behind all that we really didn't stop loving.

And then again, i know one day, it will come a time that all these cheeziness and sweetness would not really fade away, but will be lessen. I know it will come, and honestly, im scared of that day. I want everything to stay like this forever. but it just can't..:( but one thing i know, everything might be lesser from what it was before, but his love for me wouldn't change. i hope so.:) oh well, i trust him.:) i love him so much, that i'm afraid to lose him again. and also i am so afraid to show him and always tell him that i love him..:( it's because i'm afraid he'd take it for granted..:( i know i shouldn't be thinking about this..:( but i can't help myself.. i love him i do.. very much.. and i hope he sees that.. i hope he knows the meaning of how much i love him..:(

I'm scared, and i know nothing can take this away, i just have to be strong and have faith in him. have faith in us. and just hope that everything that happened and will happen is for a reason..:) For now, come what may.. I'm happy, day by day something changes but who could stop change? we can only go with its flow and accept it..:)

-A

im happy.. and bottomline.. its all that matters right?..:)

2009-12-16T22:32:00.001+08:00

They say that dreams are our deepest desires. That our dreams are the desires of our unconsciousness or maybe, just maybe they warn us of what is bound to happen?..

Dec. 4 & 5..

knowing he has a new girl.. I admitted to a couple of my friends dat im scared dat dey will work out.. i dont know why.. im not bitter or anything.. but i was scared dat if they worked out wat we had would just be nothing to him..:(

Dec. 7.. Dream 1

dec 6, night fall, i had a dream. We were in a comp lab and i was with my friends.. Theo by my side using the pc.. I was browsing the net and poof.. he came to me sat by my side and talked to me. so while he was talking i just ignored him. he said.."Sa tingin mo ba porket my new girl na ako.. wala na akong pakialam.. Sa tingin mo ba, kapag my girlfriend na ako, i wouldnt care anymore.." and when i was about to cry in my dream i woke up.. saaaaaaaaaaaaaaddd..:(

I was soooo spooked about my dream.. its been so long that i have dreamt of him.. and the most weird part about my dream was, i guess it was what wanted for him to tell me, that eventhough he now has a new girl, what we had was still special and he appreciated all of it..

Dec. 8.. Dream 2.

Again, I dreamt of him.. this time, i was online and then he buzzed me and pmed me pssst.. i just said why? then he said.. "wala lang..:)" then i woke up.. errr!! super i didnt know why i was dreaming this kind of things.. until then, that morning during my chem class.. he texted me.. He said he wanted to talk.. That he has a lot of things to tell me.. I was actually had no plans of replying but my friend ,Marie insisted that i should reply. So there we agreed that he'd pick me up 6pm and then he would give me a ride home.. so there.. I asked Marie what she thinks he will tell me.. She said maybe, he just wants clearance too before he pushes through with the new girl.. That maybe he also wanted what i wanted. clearance between us. So, i was preparing myself for what he would say.. That he just wanted closure and clearance.. I found myself wanting that to happen, but a part of me still hoped that he'll want me back. but i was telling myself that would not happen.

That night, i tried to be strong and wanted to put to my face that he now has a new girl and he just really wanted to talk to me about closure. but then when i saw his profile.. his stat was "AKO NA SI PIGGY DATI, AT GUSTO KONG MAGING SI PIGGY ULET." with that, i didnt know what to feel. i didnt know what emotion i should feel. a part of me said it was too late, but another part was thanking God for making him realize that. so, that night, i super duper didnt know what to do. and what to feel.

Dec. 8,

This was the day i would have to face him.. When before our histciv class, tiff talked to me.. She said that they talked and stuff.. After persef class, he picked me up at southgate.. So, i was waiting for him to talk to me.. but nothing, just pep talks.. when we were in evacom almost near my house, he said that he read my blog.. i was soo shocked that he read it, because one, he doesnt know that i have one. 2nd, my feelings are all here.. so i didnt know how he knew about it, but he said he just accidentally found it google. He said he read my Dec. 3 blog, but i forgot na about what i said back then. so he said that i should read it again and that i text hm after i do so.

I read it again.. and there was a comment, saying that maybe he's not happy with the girl and stuff.. the he txted me.. saying that he was so shy to talk to me because now he knows how much pain he had cost me.. we talked that nigh from texts to facebook inbox messages. I was so relieved that now he knows what i felt.. and i told him all my concerns in taking this chance again.. but i think he was decided that this time IT WILL BE DIFFERENT.

Then the rest will be history..:)

Dec. 21,

We have been spending a couple time together and it seems like its never enough.. because its like he wants to make up for all the times we lost.. i can say that this time IT IS DIFFERENT.. HE IS DIFFERENT. at first i wasn't so sure that it was what i wanted.. that i was happy again.. but then, i found my way back to him.. eventually, i found myself smiling the way i used too.. I guess, i was just really scared that it will be just the same as before, that he'll leave me again.. but this time, i really felt he wanted it.. i felt that not only that he wanted it, but he wanted me back in his life.. Everything happened so fast.. but every little thing that happened in that small span of time was something that not only made me happy.. but it made us happy.. He started to do all those little things again.. and with that he made me feel that he wanted it too as much as i do..

One more thing, i know a lot of people are confused and worried and feels that im wrong to give him another chance, after everything he did to me. But for me, its still my decision to make.. and i dont want to regret something just because i felt that my friends are right or something. I know in making this decision, if everything fails again, im the only one to blame.. but what if it works out.. who am i to say it wont?.. who are they to say it wont?. all i know is that. as of right now, im happy here.. and whatever they say..
im happy.. and bottomline.. its all that matters right?..:)

-A

Heart...♥♥♥

2009-12-03T23:10:00.003+08:00

I confess. I'm still hurting especially now that i have confirmed that yes, he now has a new girl that makes him happy. I'm not hurting because it wasn't me or because we didn't work out. I'm hurting because he didn't give me the closure i deserve. He left me hanging and then boom "hello, i'm happy now. i have a new girl. i don't need you anymore." its like that. it would have been much better, way better if he told me that in person! but no he didn't. i guess i haven't forgiven him yet for this. i know i still care because just the fact that im hurting shows that i still care. i'm not pushing myself into his life, im just saying that he could have given me the closure i deserve, not like this.

My ipod was in shuffle and i heard this song from nowhere. It's called Heart by britney spears. I actually liked every part of the song..:) I'm sorry heart if we've gone through so much.. but we need to be strong. in time, we will find that feeling of loving someone again and most specially be loved back in return.:)

Heart, I know I've been hard on you

I'm sorry for the things I've put you through

Before you start to break on me or ask for sympathy

I need to make you see

O, heart, I'm not sure it's been long enough

To say that what I feel is really love

There's just one way to learn, sometimes we'll get hurt

And right now it's our turn

Give it time, help me through

Heart, we can do this together

You're my strength, you're my soul

I need you now more than ever

Heart, all the hurt will soon be gone

If you'll, if you'll just keep on being strong

You will always be my friend, so keep on hangin' in

And we'll find love again

Give it time (Give it time),

help me through (Help me)

Heart, we can do this together

You're my strength (You're my strength), you're my

soul

I need you now more than ever

Heart, I know I've been hard on you

I'm sorry for the things I've put you through

Please don't you break on me, I need to make you see

It wasn't meant to be

Cause you will always be my friend, so keep on

hangin' in

And we'll find love again

-A

Pain & Pleasure

2009-11-23T22:57:00.003+08:00

Enough is enough. There will come a time when the heart stops hoping that there will be something to look forward too; when the heart gives up on the one thing it wouldn't want to lose.

I admit i have been so stupid to trust him again.. Nov 12.. He txted me.. if i wanted to watch new moon.. i didnt reply.. he txted me again.. d ko daw ba sya kakausapin.. i didnt reply.. he called.. i didnt answer. i went online.. and in my inbox i have a new message.. and this was what it said..

"please here me out.

abby, i want to change. clear na sa utak ko na hindi ko kaya na wala ka. :( usap tayo please? gusto ko sana lumabas tayo pero u didnt reply. :( if kelanagan kita ligawan ulit to prove na im worthy for your love gagawin ko ulet :("

and then he texted me again.. kausapin ko namn daw daw xa.. i didnt reply to any of these.. because i wanted to know on how serious he was about this..:| and just beause ive heard it all before.. all those im gonna fix this shit and all.. i was planning to text him the next day if he decides to contact me again.. but then nothing.. Nov. 14, he texted me again.. so i replied and we talked.. and he said to me the Nth time that he's willing to fix everything.. and so i told him.. please do this because you want to be with me.. because you're ready to face problems with me again.. and that you wont leave me hanging again.. He replied.. he said.."ALAM KO KYA KO NGA GUSTO IWORK OUT RELATIONSHIP NATN." so i said.. "okay, PROVE to me that yo deserve this chance.." and after that nothing. around 9:30 that night he txted.. he ran out of credits daw tapos.. wala daw mom niya kya d sya makashare.! so sabi ko lang. okay tahnk you for telling me.. goodnyt.. the next day.. nothing.. it was the pacquiao game day.. i know he would be watching.. so he did.. after the game.. he txted me.. wala pa rin daw siyang load and free txt lang gmt niya and he's home from watching the game.. sbi ko lang okay.. after that I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE...

ITs been almost 8 days and still nothing.. ym's? inbox messages? fb posts?.. nothing.. as if nothing happened.. and lately.. he has been posting these cheezy status in FB about being in love and all..

And I have assumed that he has a new girl now.. err.. i dont regret giving him another chance.. i dont regret any of it.. i just hate the fact that he CAN'T BE MAN ENOUGH TO FACE ME and tell me to my face that he will stop or he is starting to fall for another.. at least i wont be hoping na he'll fix it.. i at least deserve that explanation right?

I have loved him so much that giving him every chance i could was something that kept me hold on tighter to him. but how many chances do we get before we finally make it right?.. lesson learned here.. every chance.. every opportunity.. we should take it seriously.. because every time we fail or we take it for granted.. something is lost.. TIME.. and time.. we cant go back to it.. we cant save it.. what is now, will be gone in a while..

Today, im giving up every bit of chance.. im closing my windows and doors for him... the pain has become to much to bear.. that i dont know if i still love him.. but one thing im sure of.. i dont need him in my life anymore.. that's reality.. a fact now..

and one question.. when you guys hurt us.. do you know the depth of pain that you have inflicted upon us?.. yes you know you've hurt us.. but do you know how much it hurts?.. do you know how much we would go through for what we want..? do you know how much pain we would endure to have that feeling of happiness?.. how much we would go for or hope for that little bit of happiness?.. i am so amazed on how a girl can give up everything to make things work.. when some guys take them for granted.. ignore it.. and dont even think of what we feel.. wait.. to be clear im saying SOME guys..

In every girl's heart is that pureness of love and hope for happiness that someday she will get.. in time.. she will be the girl who will get that boy and that love she deserves.. and that girl would be ME..

-A

HOTHOTHOT!!!

2009-11-21T00:44:00.001+08:00

JACOB BLACK YOU ARE SO HOT!!

BE MINE!! :b~

-A

because i know i deserrve to be happy..

2009-11-08T18:56:00.003+08:00

I've been going through a tough month lately..its because we tried and failed anf tried and failed to make things work.. and this past few week i've finally decided to really let it go.. because i know that no matter how much i love him.. no matter how much i want to be with him.. I deserve someone better.. someone who will treat me the way i shud be treated..i dont know where to start.. because its too painfull.. so ill just copy paste wat we talked about... Last weekend he asked for another chance.. because he tolm me na "pinagsisisihan na da niya lahat ng nagawa niya sken".. i guess for making me cry and all.. na super inaamin niya na nagkamali daw sya ng todotodo.. exact words.. so, because i love him..i said that this will be the last chance.. but again,, he blew it off.. he slacked off.. and until it came to the point na for one whole day he didnt txt me.. not even once. the next day, i saw an offline message from him, saying his phone was missing somewhere.. i didnt reply.. because i was so pissed off.. he didnt even try to let me know that his phone was lost that very same nyt he lost it.. when i didn't reply. i think he got pissed too.. so he left me a message in my inbox in facebook.. so here goes the conversation went from a day sentto day basis.. like.. i replied today.. he'll reply tomorow.. parang ganun.. The first message he sent was written on Oct. 31,sat.. read it around 10am.. so my last message was written on Nov 4, and after that he didnt even reply.. and i havent heard from him since then..

X: bat ganun nag sasabi naman ako sayo na wala akong phone ngayun. tapos di ka man lng nag reply sakin. hindi ko alam kung natangap mo yung message ko. tapos ngayun yung iba nakikipag kwentuhan ka pa d2 sa facebook. yung sakin kahit "OKAY" man lng na reply wala ka. ayus.

Abby: empol.. alamo hindi kita maintindihan.. gaya ng snbi ko sayo sa text ko.. na hindi ka nmn nagreply.. it took you a whole day to tell me na nawalan ka ng phone.. nung umaga mo nlng sinbi.. alamo bang the whole day before i was waiting every minute na sana sana sana man lang magtxt ka. kht isang beses lang.. na "oy, nasa bahay na ako, nawala ung phone ko. d muna kita mttxt." o kya nung umaga na.. "oy papasok na ako, mageenrol na ako".. alamo ung ganun. super okay na un sken. hinintay mo pa na mag umaga at mag ol ka bgo mo sbhin sken.. and you didnt even say sorry.. sorry in a sense na hindi ka nagparamadam. hindi mo ba naiisip na naghihintay ako?.. na ung tumatakbo sa isip ko nung mga panahon na un.. "bkt kya hindi na xa nagttxt.. siguro kxe wala na tlga xang pakialam or d nya na ako tlga naalala." yun yung nasa isip ko.. super naiinis ako.. kxe ung man lang iparamdam mo skn na u care about me. hindi mo magawa. do you even know wats happening to my life? do you even know kung asan ako ngaun? wala kang alam dba?! kxe u dont even care to ask. kxe u just dont care anymore!!!!! i tried to reach out to you.. coz u said i was so unfair na pinipigalan ko ung feelings ko.. i tried.. and wat happened to you.. you slacked off.

X: sorry kung ganyan nararamdaman mo. hindi naman sa nawawalan ako ng gana or kung feeling mo na i dont care na sayo. pero hindi naman totoo yun e. kaya naman ako di nakapag sorry sayo agad kasi nauna yung feeling ko na parang nag seselos ako. kasi sa mga friends mo nag rereply ka. eh sakin hindi :( sobrang sorry kasi ganun ako sayo. pero sana maintindihan mo din ako. alam kong maling mali ako. im so sorry baby :( PLEASE DONT GIVE UP ON US. kasi ako hindi ako nag gigive up. ayokong mawala ka. :( sana habang binabasa mo to mapatawad mo ko. kasi ayoko talagang dumating sa point na bibitiw ka na sakin. pero sa tingin ko dahil sa mga ginagawa ko dadating din tayu sa point na yun e. pero sana wag mangyare yun. alam ko maling mali ako, ill try to change, rather ILL CHANGE, para maging masaya ulit tayong dalawa. :(

Abby: ilang beses na ba yang ill try to change na yan!! empol alamo ba.. gustong gusto kong magalit sayo!! im super mad at you!! but i just cant. kxe alam ko na deep inside of me.. i still want us to work.. pero ilan pang chances ang kelangan mo, na in d end i have to give up on you bgo mo ayusin tlga.. ako pagod na pagod na akong umasa na u will change.. alam ko nmn, and tangap ko na hindi nmn ganun kadali ibalik ung dati.. dats why inaayos ko rin ung sarili ko for us.. pero wat happned. you slacked off agen.. you had 3 months of chances to fix us empol.. 3 months.. hangang kelan mo ittry!! HOW MANY MORE LAST CHANCES WILL I GIVE YOU BAGO MO TLGA AYUSIN!!!! i told you last chance na toh.. but wat did you do. i tot for a change na tlgang aayusin mo na.. pero wat happnd.. feel ko kxe ur too assured na i will always be here for you ea.. na iniisip mo na maiintindhan nmn kita ea.. pero pagod na ako..

magseselos ka sa friends ko?? pano pa akoo??.. sa tingin mo hindi ako nagseselos sa friends mo??.. na kht snsbi mo sken na ur going to fix us.. you still have loads of time to spend with them.. and skn u dont even try to seee me.

mahal pa rin kita.. and alam ko na gusto ko paring maayos toh.. pero pagod na akong ipakita un.. pagod na akong umasa sa wala.. pagod na akong umasa na ur going to fix it. pagod na pagod na ako empol..

*by the way nakita kita sa town kanina. we almost crossed paths pero i think hindi mo ako nakita.

X: im sorry kung napapagod ka na. ako rin naman pagod na ako sa ganito. kahit ako hindi ko alam kung bkt everytime na gusto ko ayusin problems naten hindi ko magawa. i want to give my best para ipakita sayo na mahal kita. :( pero minsan hindi ko alam ang dahilan kung baket ako nag kakaganito.

sa tingin ko ako naman ngayon ang kelangan ng time and space. hindi ko sinasabi na antayin mo ko. hindi ko sinasabi na isarado mo ung door mo sa ibang tao. kung umayos na lahat sa utak ko kung ano gusto ko talaga sasabihin ko sayo. pero now siguro kelangan ko talaga ng time. hindi ko alam kung aantayin mo ako. hindi ko alam kung kelan ako magiging ready na ulet. pero sana maintindihan mo :(

I LOVE YOU pero hindi ko maipakita or maparamdam sayo :(

Abby: i think ur right. we both need it. time and space.. hindi ko na alam kung anong gusto ko. kxe super nangingiibabaw ung pain.:( i want to say that im gonna weyt, na ill be here.. pero i dont want you to be assured kxe alam ko if ur not gonna be afraid to lose me, wala ding mangyayari.. kxe assured ka na andito ako ea..

empol,, let me go na.. and im letting you go na rin.. for real..:( its hard but i guesss its the best thing that we shud do.. i tried to make things work.. but i guess it wasnt enough.. because i needed you there with me..

nga pla, ive decided.. lets stop talking to each other nlng muna.. until you find wat really is that you want.. bitter na ako kung bitter, its just really painful..:( im sorry. i have to let you go..

X: hindi ko ma gets gusto mo e. inaayus ko pa yung utak ko. tapos u said d mo alam kung mag aantay ka pa or hindi na. tapos sa dulo sasabihin mo u'll let go of me na.

HA? di ko ma gets. ano ba talaga. kahit ba humingi ako sayo ng time and space wala din effect yun kasi ull let go of me na ? ganun ba yun ? di ko gets e.

Abby: all im saying is dat.. let go mo na ako ngaun.. kxe i cant spend my life waiting for the time na ako ung piliin mo.. pano kung hindi un ung mangyari..:( i want to be happy empol,, so let me be.. im not saying dat im giving up all my hopes for us.. but i need you to prove to me dat i deserve you.. i dont know how ur gonna do dat.. but im tired of waking up each day, every day, hoping dat today will be the day dat ull decide to come back..

take ur time.. think about wat you really want.. im letting you go in the sense na.. AYOKO NG UMASA everyday habang nagiisip ka pa, na in the end tayo pa rin.. na babalik ka.. if you decide to come back and prove to me na tayo tlga.. den okay.. then maybe its meant to be.. but if you dont come back.. at least im starting to move on..

i cant get stranded here.. habang ur figuring things out.. unfair for me un.. i have always been here waiting for you to figure things out.. and where did it get me.. wala dba.. i dont want to be stuck here anymore..:( pagod na ko magemote.. pagod na ako magisip everyday why you just cant make it work.. why you just cant be that person i fell in love with 2 years ago.. or why you just cant make me feel kht man lang yung you care for me..:( i need to find my way back again..

Alamo, mahal na mahal na mahal pa rin kita. sobra.. pero im saying to you now.. its gonna be hard to win me back.. pakipot na kung pakipot.. pero uve hurt me too much and i dont know when or how i will be able to trust my heart with you again.. im not saying na i cant trust you again.. im just saying na YOU NEED TO PROVE TO ME THAT I CAN BE ABLE TO DO THAT WITH YOU AGAIN...

SHOW me that you're not just saying that you want me back.. that its not just words.. but show it too me.. make me feel that i deserve you.. PROVE IT TO ME. Dont make me believe that you can, because you say you will fix it, when you wont.

I need to be strong.. I want to be strong for myself.. i know i did everything to make things work.. but i cant do it on my own.. and i think its time for me to move forward.. because he had all the chances to fix it but he just screws up everytime he says he will.. it hurts everyday knowing he can but he just wont fix it.. i need to be happy.. because i know ideserve to be happy.. We all have a choice in everything... im choosing to let go.. and find my happiness again.. because i wont settle for this.. because i know that i deserve more..

Today, is Nov. 8.. i miss him.. i still do.. :( sometimes its hard for me to not remember all the things he did for me to make me happy.. and i just cant imagine or figure out wat happened.. i guess ill never get to know the answer to that.. because even he does not know the answer to that.. all i know is that.. he can be a better man for me.. but i guess.. its just not me.. that will make him a better man.. and for now, im moving forward and starting a new beggining..:)♥

-A

WRONG MAN FOR THE JOB lyrics

2009-10-25T13:07:00.003+08:00

I thought that you were the best part of me
Baby, I guess that we just believe what we wanna believe
I thought I knew you so well , I couldn't tell
That this was sinking so deep
I see it now , I'm breathing now
Its time for me, For me

To let it go

It was cool when it started but now the flame has gone ,
You're the Wrong Man For The Job,
My heart is breaking to piece's but still im moving on,
You're the wrong man for the job,
Can't believe it took me so long to realise,
Finally know what it feels like ( you're the wrong man for the job)
I'm starting over but I won't be afraid , Im sorry to say
You're the wrong man for the job

Sometimes I wish I could take back everything,
It'd be easier to never have known you,
I would save myself so much pain,
Still I cant stop thinkin' bout what Im gonna do without you in the lonely nights,
But I now know what I gotta do, I can't ever change you
I'm lettin it go tonight.

Hey
It was cool when it started but now the flame has gone ,
You're the wrong man for the job,
My heart is breaking to pieces but still im moving on,
You're the wrong man for the job,
Can't believe it took me so long to realise,
Finally know what it feels like ( you're the wrong man for the job)
I'm starting over but I won't be afraid , Im sorry to say
You're the wrong man for the job

I'm lookin for somebody to love me ,
the way I should be loved( the way I should be loved)
I need someone to do more for me than you have ever done,
I love you , but you're not the one.

It was cool when it started but now the flame has gone ,
You're the wrong man for the job,
My heart is breaking to pieces but still im moving on,
You're the wrong man for the job,
Can't believe it took me so long to realise,
Finally know what it feels like ( you're the wrong man for the job)
I'm starting over but I won't be afraid , Im sorry to say
You're the wrong man for the job
You're the wrong man for the job
You're the wrong man for the job

Only if he wants it that much...:(

2009-10-16T21:57:00.005+08:00

"I'm tired of living in the past because I know its impossible to rewind and go back in time."

Hello Bloggers!:) haha.. This line gave me the inspiration to blog again..:) so here goes..

Lately, iv'e been really thinking of what i want. For all those who doesn't know. He is seriuosly trying and wants to come back wtih me. And honestly im glad he did come back, but the other side of me doesnt know what to feel. I want him back, i do.. i really really do.. and i wont deny the fact that im still in love with him.. He says he wants me back and he said he still loves me.. but the thing is.. i feel that there's still something missing.

Here's where the quote comes in.. Maybe,, just maybe.. im still living in the past..:,( Im still expecting he'll be the same person or maybe he can still be that same person i fell in love with almost 2 years ago.. I miss being happy..:( especially with him..:( he has done so much for me.. or well.. he used to..:(

siguro, i miss the efforts he did for me.. the little things he do just to show me he cares and that he still loves me.. and what i miss the most is the part where i know what's happening in his life.. and him wanting to know what happens in mine. in short.. i miss being a part of his everyday life... even though its just the same every day..:(

Yes, we go out sometimes.. he texts me sometimes too.. and i feel very happy when we're together.. or when he texts me.. but then when he's not.. i feel sad..:( i dont know why.. but i just do.. and i dont like this feeling.. i can't be with him when im like this.. i want to be happy regardless if we are together or not.. here comes the security part.. i lost mine when he left me.. just like what i told him.. my telenovela line...

"YOU LEFT ME WHEN I WAS LOVING YOU THE MOST"

now im scared to trust him with my heart.. im scared that one day he'll leave me again.. i know it might not happen again.. but what if it does..:( its scaring the hell out of me..:( (crying right now) i want to be with him badly.. but as much as i want him back.. i want to know and feel how much he wants me back.. and i guess for now, he's too assured that i still love him dat much,, but well i do,, i really really do.. but i need to see, feel and know that he wants me back just the same..

A lot of people doesnt want him for me na.. they say, he broke my heart na and he has no excuse to hurt me like that.. But i guess dito pumapasok ung "katangahan".. haha!! No one's perfect.. He got confused.. i think nag sawa siya.. and maybe he really didnt know what to do.. thats why he choose to think about it much harder. and that's why he didnt ignore it even though he loved me that much.. In my part..

how could you just throw away something that made you uber duper super mega happy. i am not exagerating. because he really did..:,( so partly, i dont want to give up on him.. because we used to be happy and im hoping we can be again..:( and i know we can be again only if he wants it that much..:|

So the only thing left for me to do is.. tell him what i feel..:( its gonna be hard.. but he needs to know.. i dont know what will happen.. if he's gonna prove to me that we can be those two persons again.. or he'll drop us because xa na un ngaun ea.. i miss the sweet part of him..:( he is sometimes.. and im really shocked how much the way he calls me "baby" makes me smile..:( i miss that feeling.. and i only feel it when he calls me that..:( i need to be assured.. i want to feel the security of his love.. i need to feel it..:(

"Make me remember.. Because im starting to forget how it feels to be happy with you. again.:(" (Apostol, 2009)

"We CAN be MORE than what we are right now and how we used to be.."

-A

Don't Stop..:)

2009-10-05T18:41:00.000+08:00

Don't stop [x2]

[Verse 1:]
All the money that's in the world
Can't buy me no piece of mind no
Don't matter how much you got
If your heart's unsatisfied

And you can even have a thousand friends
Still feel like your all alone
If you have no one to call your own
So excuse me if I said this once before
I just can't help myself I need something more

[Chorus:]
Cause I just love the way that you don't stop
And I just love the how that you don't stop
And everything that you do when you don't stop
Doing what you do to me
No one makes me feel how I feel with you
So don't stop don't stop what you do to me
(Oh oh oh)

[Verse 2:]
Especially when I think about, how I still live my life without ya
I wonder if I'll find someone who makes me feel so good inside
There's one thing I know for sure
I like the way it feel when we're together
And it's all good
I don't want to let you go
I just can't help myself
Girl you need to know...

[Chorus:]
Cause I just love the way that you don't stop
And I just love the how that you don't stop
And everything that you do when you don't stop
Doing what you do to me
No one makes me feel how I feel with you
So don't stop don't stop what you do to me

All I want to do is get with you
Baby girl I can't leave you alone
(I guaranty your gonna feel everything that you been missing)
All I want to do is hold your body tight
Every time I look into your sexy eyes
My baby baby baby baby! OH!

[Chorus x2]
Cause I just love the way that you don't stop
And I just love the how that you don't stop
And everything that you do when you don't stop
Doing what you do to me
No one makes me feel how I feel with you
So don't stop don't stop what you do to me

Oh... no one

Still.

2009-09-16T21:33:00.002+08:00

August 29, my last blog.. that very same night, He said that he has made up his mind that he loves me.. Walang kasikasi. walang peropero...:| But sadly.. He said that he can't take the awkardness with my family and stuff..:( agen i got dissapointed.:( Isn't his love for me enough for him to be courageous to face my parents, ask sorry and prove them that they're wrong.:(

Days after, its like we wer friends agen.. Night before my trip to Fontana with my blockmates.. He called me baby, and this is where all the courting started.. "courting"..

I feel happy when he talks to me and when i talk to him. its like.. still having to express my love for him even though hindi kme.. I know that we still both love each other, another fact is we're both still not ready to be in a relationship. Its hard that wer like this, cos we dont where wer going,, especially me.. i have no assurance. So i just need to look out for myself.. and that's what im doing..

Right now, I actually want to be here.. coz honestly i still do love him.. i miss him.. i still want him.. but im not ready.. im scared.. But i know, where i am right nowm i am happy here..:) even though i know that its really really risky.. coz i can be hurt again.. But there's also a possibility that i can be happy..:)

Today, my mom.. said dat i shouldn't answer empol again coz his just gonna hurt me..:( but for me.. She doesnt know the real story behind us. What really happened. and

its not right for them to judge him. for all they know, he is one of the person who made my life really worthliving even though it was just for a while.

He really made me happy in so many ways. And tonyt, i told him about it..:( i guess it was a wrong move but i also think its time for him to know.. Sooner or later he'll find out that my parents are what we say a little bit mad, or just maybe too dissapointed at him..:( it will be really hard for him to earn my parents back..

But honestly, ill be here full support for him.. Coz i want to be with him..:| and i want him to prove my parents that we can make it work. that wat happened between us, is just a part of it,, and we can make it through.

I just hope that he doesn't lose the will to fight for me.. I hope that he wouldnt give up on me.. on US.. Coz honestly, i think we can make this work... only if we try.. and not give up..:) oh well.. as the cliche goes..

WE CAN ALWAYS HOPE FOR THE BEST.

-A

:(

2009-08-29T17:25:00.005+08:00

I tried. I was there. But i failed.:(

"Baby i want you back.:c"

That was his text last thursday. Honestly?.. it was all ive been waiting for..:( but then again he failed me..:( he is still not sure if he really really really wants me back. he said he is still thinking about it blahblah..!! Im angry! im mad! im sick! im mad! im frustrated! im confused! im scared! im lost!

I know he loves me. I know he does! but until when will he figure out that he really wants to come back or let go! He is hurting me!! No matter how much i love him and want him back. The pain is too much. hindi ko na tlga kaya.. ang sktskt na..:(( i want to move on,, and i was moving on.. but everytime im there.. he comes back giving me and showing me hope that he wants me back. pero hindi pa rin pla sya sure!! wat the hell!! NAKAKAGAGO na seryoso!!

I guess, he knows na andito pa rin ako for him.. ayoko na.. how can i move on?. how?. please tell me.. d ko kya..:( nahihirapan na ako..:( i try not be.. but i know in my heart dat i still want to be there for him. but the pain is too much..:( i cant take it anymore..:(

he's breaking my heart to pieces..:( ive tried my very will to be happy.:( to go away.. to move away.:( but he keeps pulling me back.:( i know i can move on by myself.. kya ko syang i ignore..:( im sorry for being weak..:( im sorry for getting hurt again.:( im sorry im not strong enough..:( but it hurts soooo much..:( ang skt skt na tlga..:(

-A

just blogging..

2009-08-24T21:53:00.002+08:00

We say Love can conquer all. Love is reason enough to stay with the person you love. That with Love, pain can fade away. Love means never having to say you're sorry. Love can make you see beyond the person's imperfections. You stand by that person. You try with your every will to fight for that person. You find ways to protect him from all the judgement people can give him. and just like what Marge in The Simpsons movie said to Homer:

"i did all that because....... that's it.. i just can't find the words to complete that line anymore.."

or something like that!!

Sometimes no matter how much we love a person, the only way to lessen the pain we feel is to let goo.. to fall away.. to take different paths.. even though it hurts.. and just sometimes.. when you find yourself.. you can always find your way back to the person who you really love. Its just about making the decision, following your heart and making it happen. we go astray to find something, to find clarity. and when we find that reason, we find contentment despite all the flaws and shortcomings.. telling ourselves that, IT WAS WORTH IT!:)

I will now move forward.. agen as i have said.. but this time it is for real!! I want to move on.. because i dont want to be left here stuck, hanging, breaking, and falling apart. I want to move on.. because on moving on.. i would learn to love and take care of myself again.. magpapakaselfish muna ako!:) haha.. and when he comes back, if he decides to.. then thank you superfriend for he has chosen to stand by what he feels. but if not, i wont be broken.. because i have started to move forward and will just continue doing so..

I love him.. I still do.. No matter what other people say. My love for him.. it will alwas be something that i cannot forget. He made me happy to the highest level., so far.. :) He has showed me and made me feel loved in so many ways. I want him back.. but i need more than his words,, his actions, his feelings.. I NEED CLARITY.. something that right now.. he just couldnt give me.. all i need is for me to hear him say..

"I LOVE YOU.. IM SORRY. I WANT YOU BACK. IM GONNA FIX THIS. IM GONNA FIX MYSELF FOR US. FOR YOU AND FOR ME"..

but i guess.. his not ready yet. but no matter how much i love him and how much i want him back.. I just can't weyt forever. How much more? how long will it take for him to be strong enough/ to be man enough to find the will to be that person who would be willing to love me again. and that someone who would never be confused again.. i guess we all get to that point where we get used to all of it.. but its just up to us.. on how we handle it right.?

The only pain that i know will hurt me once in a while is that.. When i see couples,, i would always ask myself..

HOW COME THEY CAN MANAGE TO STAY TOGETHER THROUGH EVERYTHING. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.. WHILE MY MAN CAN'T..:(

-A

You'll always be a part of me.. Thank you for making me happy.

2009-08-24T01:00:00.000+08:00

-Thank you for everything. You made me happy, very happy, more than you'll ever know. Im taking a step forward, because i have to. Just like wat this songs says.. you'll always be a part of me. So its goodbye now.. I love you so much always remember that. and whatever happens, always remember that you were always worth it.-

Always Be My Baby Lyrics
Artist(Band):Mariah Carey

(do do do dop)
(do do doop do doop da dum)
(do do doop dum)
(do do doop do doop da dum)
(repeat)

we were as one baby
for a moment in time
and it seemed everlasting
that you would always be mine
now you want to be free
so I'm letting you fly
cause i know in my heart baby
our love will never die,no!

you'll always be a part of me
i'm a part of you indefinitely
boy don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
(do do doop)
(do do doop do doop da dum)
(do do doop dum)
(do do doop do doop da dum)

i ain't gonna cry no
and i won't beg you to stay
if you're determined to leave boy
i will not stand in your way
but inevitably you'll be back again
cause ya know in your heart babe
our love will never end no
you'll always be a part of me
i'm part of you indefinitely
boy don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

i know that you'll be back boy
when your days and your nights get a little bit colder ooohhh
i know that,you'll be right back, baby
oh, baby believe me it's only a matter of time
of time

you'll always be a part of me (oooohhhh)
i'm part of you indefinitely (oooohhhh)
boy don't you know you can't escape me (ooooohhhhhh)
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on (and we will linger on)
time cant erase a feeling this strong (ohhhh)
no way you're never gonna shake me (oh baby)
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

you'll always be a part of me (yeah yeah oooohhhh)
i'm part of you indefinitely (oooohhhh)
boy don't you know you can't escape me (ooooohhhhhh)
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby (no no)
and we'll linger on (you and I will always be)
time cant erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me (you & I)
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby (you & I)

(do do doop)
(do do doop do doop da dum)
(do do doop dum)
(do do doop do doop da dum)

you and i will always be
no way your never gonna shake me
no way your never gonna shake me
you and i will always be

Leave the pieces

2009-08-19T22:56:00.000+08:00

Leave The Pieces lyrics
Songwriters: Austin, William D.; Hanson, Jennifer;

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair, you know
To just keep me hanging 'round

You say you don't want to hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown?

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You're not making up your mind
It's killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go
Oh yeah, leave the pieces when you go

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go

moving forward

2009-08-14T11:28:00.002+08:00

Aug. 12, 2009
I went to mass that our org was sponsoring for the said term. So i went there, talked to god heart to heart. I said dat, maybe he has reasons why he gave me empol.. because he wants me to happy.. and there's also a reason why his taking him away(parang nmty ea noh? haha.. WAG NMN!) so ayun.. maybe he wants me to be strong. and right before the mass ended he texted..

sbi niya usap us..

so after the closing. i replied. i said that

okay wat are we gonna talk about.

then he replied with

Gusto ko personal ea. mamaya nlng kila theo.

kaso the thing is. i wont be going na. zarah wont be going and ayoko nmn pumunta magisa.. so ayun he kept asking why i wouldn't be going na and all.. so ayun..t apos hangang he said na..

sa sat na ung libing.

sbi ko

i dont know if i can come. cguro kung pupunta sila(gstns) then bka pumunta ako.. pero ewan ko pa rin. bhla na..

so ayun.. then he didt reply.. so ayun.. sbi ko sa sarili ko. ayoko magexpect. pero i guess from the moment he said na he wanted to talk to me personally i expected na tlga..:( i cant help it because i still do love him still..:( so much..:( so ayun.. so sbi ko bhla xa.. that same nyt.. nagonline xa.. pmed him.. and this is how our conversation went.

A: hey
E: yo
(matagal ako bgo nagreply)
E: kung may ssbhin po pki sbi nila.. papasok na akong room nilalamok na ako dito.
A: haha. ayun. wat wer we suppose to talk about.
E: wala wala.
E: Nagbago na isip ko..:)
A: oww.. ok
E: ok
A: nagbago?
E: oo
E: change
E: nagbago
A: ahh. okay
E: ok

and then i cried. super cried. kxe still deep in me.. i still hoped na he wanted me back..:( tapos biglang ganun.. nagbago! WTH tlga!! nakkainis.. at that point in time.. super nainis tlga ako!! why can't he just make up his mind if he wants to be with me or not dba!! bkt hindi niya maisip un at mkpgdecide na.. un lang nmn ea.. super i cried then i told edj and geyb, na

i feel na maybe he still wants me to want him back. he wants me to show him that i still want to be with him.

and edj thinks so too.. but i guess. im tired of showing him how much i really do love him.:( sbi ko nga sknila..

ngaun ko lang naramdaman na nakakapagod pla tlga magmahal..:(

and i meant it.. i am tired of showing him that i love him..:( but i still do..:(

Aug 13, 2009
I am pushing myslef to move forward.. no more expectations abby please!! no more.. uve been hurting so much!! no more of this crying and all!! you have to be strong and be happy for yourself.. And just when the night was about to end.. he texted me.. Friends said that i shudn't talk to him na.. i shudn't reply if he txts me..:( but no.. ndi ko kaya..:( i still replied.. sbi ko.. i need to here wat he wants to say.. and it is up to me if i would make myself hope or i would be strong and just talk with him.. so ayun.. i replied. here's how the conversation went.

E: gcng k p?
A: yup y?
E: Usap na tayo.
A: Okay. wat now?
E: Uhm i really want you back pero d ko magawa. :c
A: bkt d mo magawa?:c
E: Kc nahihiya na ako sayo, sa parents mo, sa family mo at friends mo.
A: My parents doesnt know yet, dz wikend q plang ssbhn. Friends, alam nmn nla un ea, its just dat if u realy want to g abck, u just have to show dem na sure kna. u have to prove them dat ur worth it.
E: Pano na yung cousins mo?
A: Kuya den, zhie and ate clich plang nssbhn q. same thing cguro. u just have to prove them dat dz time its gona change. dat ur gonna make things work. and gusto lang nmn nlng laht magng happy aq ea.
E: yun na nga ea. wat f ds happen agen?
A: un nga, wat if it happens agen? dats out of my control na.:c super love kita, and super nhuhurt aq everytime bgla q nlng mllmn na ur feeling dat way out of nowhere. =c
E: Me too. :C ang hirp mag decde
A: Hindi b enough ung love mo 4 me to ignore dat confusion ur feeling?:c
E: its more than enough.:c
A: Are u sure?:C empol, d ko na tlga mkkya f dz happens agen:c ang sktskt kxe ea.:c
E: kya nga iniicp ko kung ano yung dpt kong gwn.
A: Pls do think about it first. then talk to me again wen ur absolutely sure:c ung sure na sure kna.
E: opo opo.
A: okay sleep k na. late na.

There. can i just say.. na super gumaan feeling ko nung nlmn ko na he wants me back.. its not dat umaasa ako.. its just that its good to know that he still cares.. na hindi pa pla sya totally move on. affected pa rin sya eventhough he looks okay and he still does care.. ayun.. im not hoping.. but i feel good.. and now he knows na wala skn ang problema.. anskya.. and that if he wants to make it work.. nassknya yun.. he needs to know kung ano ba tlga..

As for me, im moving forward no matter wat.. no more holding back. if he comes back then maybe its meant to be.. if not, maybe its not..:) bsta i have to move forward.. para ndi ako amsktan.. i love him i still do.. and i know he still loves me too.. pero is it enough for us to still try and risk our fears to make it work. for me i can.. and its up to him to decide..

-A

dont become bitter, become BETTER!

2009-08-11T23:21:00.002+08:00

Today.. super i was sabaw..:( 2 hours of sleep because of learpsy paper.. tapos exam ko pa rin dun..:( so super sabaw nung exam ko..:( so today.. super nagreflect ako about us..:( wala lang.. ansaket sket pa din..:(

Napisip lang ako.. na maybe hindi niya na tlga maging ung taong minahal ko..:( sbi ko nga kay edj.. i dont deserve this..:( sbi niya yes you dont.. but mas d mo deserve magstay sknya, if he knows that he cnt do anything about it na, kc ayaw n nya gwn ung dpt..:( hai.. when she told me that.. napaisip ako! true dba?.. mas d ko deserve magstay wer i wont be appreciated..:( oh well. pero sad pa rin ako whole day..:( He texted me pa during p6 lec. na why did pum ask about kung ay thing sila nung girl. haha. sarap sbhin na. eh kxe nmn noh! haha.. pero anyweiz.. i just told him na.. my friends reactions are beyond my control. and hindi ko nmn dndamy ung girl.:) so ayun.. paguwe ko he txted me about theo.. tapos sbi ko nga na bka tom kme punta ni zarah.. ayun.

while i was online knina he pmed me..: ayan..

Mark Paul Terrazola: wat time pala kayo punta bukas
*ah-ah*: im not sure ea. i havent talked to zarah yet pa. ill text her siguro mamaya.
Mark Paul Terrazola: 2 lng kayo punta ?
*ah-ah*: ndi ko alam ea. pero sya plang nkkpusap ko. haha.. the boys will go ata on friday. lala and pum are at ateneo pa. kya aun. ewan ko kung sino pa ksby nmn tom.
Mark Paul Terrazola: dinelete mo ko sa ym mo ?
*ah-ah*: oo..:D haha.. sorry.. bitter. :D inadd na kita ulet oh..:) di na bitter..
Mark Paul Terrazola: ok ok
*ah-ah*: sorry.. :( :)
Mark Paul Terrazola: u dont have to :D
*ah-ah*: okay.:)

f.y.i. binura ko sya kahapon sa ym ko! haha.. kxe nman nahuhurt ako ea! sorry! tao lang! so ayun.. inadd ko sya ulet.. friends na kme ulet sa ym. haha

Kanina i asked geyb. do you think he still loves me? sbi ni geyb yes daw, but he just doesnt want me to get hurt.. he also said na.. he also thinks na he misses me.. and things like that. For me, its a good feeling to know that even though we chose to go different ways we still care.. that he still cares for me..:(

sbi ko kay geyb knina.. when i woke up from my hapon sleep. i woke up sad.. kxe naalala ko ung times na.. pagkagising ko katai ko na xa.. not knowing na he'll be there pla.. ung mga ganun.. surprises na gngwa niya for me.. namagpopop up nlng sya dito sa bhy..:( i just miss the old times..:(

another thing to blog about today is that,, ung sinabi ni ate pao

"DONT BECOME BITTER, BECOME BETTER!"

super nastruck ako dyan.. true,,ayoko na maging bitter. actually i want us to be friends.. we went through a lot.. and we are too good people who loves each other.. sayang un noh! haha.. so ayun.. one step at a time..:) i will be okay..:) its okay to be sad.. its okay to miss him.. but someday i will be okay!:) i know i wil..:)

-A

I am now letting go..

2009-08-10T23:10:00.004+08:00

August 8, 2009
our supposedly monthsary. my friends came! and they super made me happy!! YES YOU GUYS DID! Thank you, Pauline San MAteo, KArl Madlansakay, Gabriel Yumol, Michael MAllorca, Michelle Manaligod, Jason Rosal, JEssica Cortes, Ray-Ann Mendoza, Marvie Luz Castillo, and Basil Bote! SUPER THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME SMILE!! that night i super cried.. dhil sbi ko. ayoko na umasa..so itexted him..

A: Can we talk?
E: Okay. Cge lets talk.
A: I want you to let me go na.
E: Why?
A: Kxe its too much to bear na. ayoko ng umasa. i cant take d pain anymore. its super hurting na
E: Okay i understand pero i dnt want to do ds kc nasasaktan dn ako.
A: Wat do you mean?
E: Kung gusto m let go kta cge let go kta kht ayoko.
A: Do you know how much hurt i am? how painful it is 4 me?
E: I know parehas lang tayo nssktan. f i let you go wil it ease or lessen d pain?
A: I dont know. cge, r u sure na u dont stil want me to let go?
E: Yeah hindi pa rin ako nkkdecide
A: Ok. u think aboout it, u think about wat u really really want. as for me, il try to hold on hangat kaya ko pa.
E: Okay . Sorry

That night, amidst all the things i was thinking.. all the pain i felt.. i let it go.. i believed in him.. i put my faith on him.. na maybe there's a reason why he doesnt want to let me go. so ayun.. i believed in him.. and waited.

TOday August 10, 2009..
I super felt na there was something that's gonna happen today. i wore the clothes i wore when we first went out. sign ba yun?.. haha!! at first i was super feeling jealous of her! ayoko na magdrop names! bsta kxe.. they were all over FB! hai.. i got jealous you know why?.. kxe gusto ko ganun sya sken..:( ganun namn siya dati ea.. bat ngaun hindi na..:( and while i was doing some work.. he pmed me..:

Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:54:56 PM): busy ka ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:55:07 PM): not really. why?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:55:11 PM): lets talk
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:55:17 PM): okay.
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:56:06 PM): what now?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:57:08 PM): i think i should let you go na
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:57:51 PM): is that wat you really want?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:58:03 PM): yeah . kasi nasasaktan ka kung gan2 . nasasaktan din ako .
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:58:15 PM): i think hindi na naten mababalik yung dating tayo kung 22loy lng naten to
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:09:23 PM): are you falling for her na ulet?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:09:28 PM): who ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:09:34 PM): kat
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:09:47 PM): nope
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:10:55 PM): kxe nafefeel ko na meron. and i see the old you with her.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:11:10 PM): panung you see the old me with her ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:12:08 PM): kxe ganun ka sken dati ea. the sweet you. the happy you. ganun.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:12:27 PM): panu mo naman nasabi na im sweet pag dating sa kanya ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:13:38 PM): kxe ung mga gngawa mo sknya sa FB ngaun, ganun ka din sken nung sa friendster pa.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:14:04 PM): ginagawa ? anu ba ginagawa ko sa kanya ? FFS ? yun na yung basihan mo ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:15:04 PM): noo.. i feel your happy with her. kxe alamo un lang naman ung gusto ko ea. maging sweet ka ulet . un lang.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:15:38 PM): ikaw nararamdaman mo pera ako hindi .
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:17:05 PM): okay. i just wanted to know.
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:17:23 PM): so itoh na tlga, ur really gonna let me go?. this is wat u really want.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:17:51 PM): yes
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:18:53 PM): okay. then ur free na
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:18:58 PM): u too..

and from then on.. i was now letting go. yes, i cried i was sad.. because a part of me still wanted it to work.. sbi ko nga at sbi nila..

HINDI BA SAPAT YUNG LOVE NIYA FOR ME TO FIX WHAT HIS FEELING.

dba? hindi ba sapat? oh well, mahirap ipilit ang mga bagy bgy.. dapt bukal sa loob.. but infairness to him.. i know he tried.. i know he did.. hindi nya lang tlga kaya maging yung taong minahal ko noon.

TODAY, ABBY IS NOW MOVING ON

. somehow, this is what ive been waiting for, for a long time now.. let go kung let go dba.. somehow im fine now, kxe alam ko na nawala na akong lilingunan pabalik.. the only path for me to take is let go and the next step would be move on.. thats the only path.. NO MORE HOLDING ON. though it hurts but IT IS REALITY. sbi ko nga.. ayokong ipilit ung sarili ko sa ayaw sken. dhil alam kong i deserve more than that! now.. abby is no more faithfullyinlove. she's single! yes, i am single. but ive always loved this blog site. maybe. sooner or later. ill learn to love again.. and be faithfullyinlove again. someday.. we'll see... signing off now..:)

-A

ayoko ng maging sad.:)

2009-08-07T01:04:00.002+08:00

Aug. 6, 2009.
I thought this day would pass with out talking to him. but when i went online.. he pmed me..

weirdopot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=031N31B4EvM&feature=PlayList&p=2CE686BFEF61D2D3&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=3
weirdopot: huy
*ah-ah*: yup?
weirdopot: watch na lng yan para sumaya ka konti
weirdopot: na watch mo na
weirdopot: ?
*ah-ah*: yup.
weirdopot: cute no ?
*ah-ah*: yeah.
weirdopot: hirap mo naman kausapin sige wag na nga lng
*ah-ah*: what?.
weirdopot: wala .
*ah-ah*: hai. okay
weirdopot: im trying to open a conversation tas ganyan ka . kaya wag na lang .
*ah-ah*: im sorry. its just that. ang hirap kxe ng gnto ea.
weirdopot: hirap na nga ng ganito lalo mo pa pinapahirap sige next time na lng ulet
*ah-ah*: its not easy empol. super. i want to be okay with you. kaso hindi ko ata kya. kxe ang skt.
weirdopot: then dont . ako pinipilit kong kayanin ikaw hindi ?
*ah-ah*: ang hirap kxe. nagkakaron ako ng hopes. ayoko umasa. ang hirap ang skt.
*ah-ah*: hai. okay. im sorry for being cold. my bad.
weirdopot: night . may pasok ka bukas ah . tulog ka na
*ah-ah*: in a while. dba ikaw diin may pasok?
weirdopot: aaral pa ako
weirdopot: mga 12 na siguro ako tutulog or 1
weirdopot: bahala na
weirdopot: punta na ako ulet room
*ah-ah*: okay. study kna ulet para u can sleep early.

there. In the middle of this conversation, i have realized na ayoko ng maging sad.:) ayoko ng maging malungkot.:) Yes, it hurts so much, watever hapened is in the past. i have to be strong for myself. i deserve more than this.:) abby needs to smile and be happy again.:)

The things is.. i want the hurting to stop..

I want to let him go,, but im just not yet ready to give up on him. im not ready to stop holding on.. but yet, i wont hope for anything.

kung baga.. chill lang.:) haha.. SMILE lang abby!:) Like you always do.:)

Whatever happens happens.:) sbi nga sa a walk to remember..:

MAYBE GOD HAS BETTER PLANS FOR ME THAN WHAT I HAVE FOR MYSELF.:)

Abby will smile again. no more sad thoughts. happy thoughts come to me. Look at the bright side! think positive!:) and just SMILE!.:)

-A

We dont know..:(

2009-08-05T23:33:00.002+08:00

August 1, 2009
We broke up.. While the world was crying for Cory's death.. I was crying for a broken heart.

August 2, 2009
He posted ":( i miss." on my Facebook wall.
That night he also texted..

E: still up? :c
A: (nagtxt through sun) hey, wala akong load and ngaun ko lang nkita txt mo.
E: okay. bkt parati ka nlng walang load? at bkt gcng ka pa? wala akong pangreply sa sun.
A: nagpapaantok na rin ako. hindi na ako nagpapaload sa globe kxe wala rin nmn akong ittxt ea. tska kakawala lang ng unli ko kanina. u can reply sa globe ko
E: ah okay okay. cnabi m na ba kila tia?
A: hindi pa ea. hindi k kaya.:(
E; Wag muna. D p nman tau sure n sure e. :c
A: Ang hirap kya.:c to pretend to them dat wer okay wen wer not. kanina nga inaasar pa nla ako syo ea. i just smiled.=c
E: E kase nkkhiya s knila pag cnbi m n wala na tayo ult. nakkhiya yun 4 sure d na aq magpapakita s knila kung ganun mangyare.
A:okay cge i wont tel dem muna. unless wer super sure na.
E: okay. thanks for understanding.
*talked about henry(nakita nya daw and all.. blahblah)
A: empol i dont get it=c ang labo
E: alin? bkt?
A: Us wer do i stand?. so im just waiting 4 u? to be with me or to let me go? =c
E: Hindi ko masagot kc hindi ko rn alam. I have to slip na.:c napikit n mata ko e.
A: okay:c

August 3, 2009
Everyone was asking me if there was another girl. i aid i dont think there is.. but still ang kulet nila! haha.. so i asked him for clarity.

A: Hey can i ask u something?=c
E: Anu un?
A: Do u like som1 else? or my other girl?=c
E: WALA. sobrang wala.:c
A: okay. thank u. i just wanted to know.
E: Okay. Sorry.

So there. cleared. no other girl.

August 4, 2009
Drinking day! Super i wanted to drink! my parents went home na! and super i can release it all out. first: went out with psyc friends at UM.. then met up with blardz! he treated me with ice cream! yummy!! tapos made tambay sa Mixed ave with the boys. Si migs pinainom ako 2 shots! bangag bangag na agad! kxe namn. broken heart + sad +drink =bad equation..:( then went to str8! konting drinks and nachos lang. When i went home with geyb, edj and jess.. super kwentuhan about it. ang sad..:(

Paguwe.. nagdrink kme ni edj.. sleepover sya ea.. super i wanted to let it all out. all through out the night. they wer texting. and yes, i somehow knew. but i told edj dat i dont want to hear it. kxe its just gonna give me false hopes..:(

We kept on reminiscing how happy i was back then. i showed her mny planner.. showing all the dates when we wer together.how happy i was. ung mga surprises i got from him. ung mga efforts nya for me. :( hai.. and then we got to talk about the problem. sbi ko all i wanted was him for to be sweet. un lang.. i also told her how bad i felt na he wasn't saying i love you to me lately before the break up..:( how much i missed the sweet person empol was.:( napagusapan din nmn ung simple things na super nagmemean ng laht.. ung hugs na super nagpapaokay ng laht.. na how much it means when he kisses you in the forehead. na when he whispers "i love you" out of nowhere.. super it means a lot.. sbi ko rin na.. alam mo un.. kht feel mo na love ka nya.. super ang laki ng difference when you tell her and you remind her that yu love her..:( lahat un.. super namimiss ko about him..:(

When we were drinking na. he texted me.

E: Hinay hinay lang sa inom ah...
(i didnt reply.. sbi ko wala akong load. so si edj nalng nagtxt) mya mya he texted again.
E: Lasingera hinay lang ha. Im gona sleep na. Nyt.

dito ata pumasok ung sbi ko.. how much it means to me when he calls me baby..:( oo kay lang skn na he calls me bano, abnoy, kxe makulit.. pero alam mo un. when he calls me baby its like his telling me that he needs me..:( and yes, i miss the way he calls me baby..:( i super miss it..:( cried that night super..:( and ung nagstruck sken na sinabi ni edj is..

"What if hindi niya na kayang ibalik ung gusto mo from him?.. maybe bka ka niya nilet go kxe alam niya sa sarili nia na hindi niya na kayang abalik ung sweetness na hinahanap mo. Pero un nga, nagawa niya nuon.. bkt hindi ngaun?.."

I cried super..:( what if nga ganun..:(

August 5, 2009
When we woke up.. edj told me na empol txted her. sbi ko okay nlng.. when edj left.. super i cried on her shoulders.. kxe super it hurts tlga..:(( tapos hinug niya lang ako.. sbi niya pagisipan ko daw.. and i have to be strong for myself..:(

Out of nowhere.. nagpm sya sken:

weirdopot (8/5/2009 9:49:21 PM): wat time ka na natulog kagabi
*ah-ah* (8/5/2009 9:49:51 PM): 1.30? 2? not sure
weirdopot (8/5/2009 9:49:55 PM): ok
weirdopot (8/5/2009 10:07:38 PM): anjan pa ba si rej sa bahay mo ?
*ah-ah* (8/5/2009 10:08:00 PM): she left na. kaninag around 3 pa
weirdopot (8/5/2009 10:08:07 PM): ah okay .
weirdopot: you want to talk ?
*ah-ah*: about what?
weirdopot: so d mo alam kung anu pag uusapan naten dapat ?
weirdopot: sige wag na lng .
*ah-ah*: im just asking about what. marami kayang pwedeng pagusapan.
weirdopot: sige nga sabihin mo saken yung "madame"
*ah-ah*: ewan ko.. we can talk about us. skul? friends? i dont know.
weirdopot: y do u think na kelangan naten pag usapan ang skul and friends ngayun ?
*ah-ah*: i dont know. im just saying lang nmn ea
weirdopot: okay . i think now is not the time para mag usap tayo .
weirdopot: im asking you if u want to talk tas d mo alam dapat naten pag usapan . sige aral na ako ulet
*ah-ah*: empol. i dont get you sobra.. :(
weirdopot: okay explain ko sayo ng maayos ha para naman gets mo
weirdopot: una . nag kalabuan tayo . nag cool off tayo . nag break tayo . so anu sa tingin mo kelangan naten pag usapan ?
weirdopot: friends paren at skul ?
*ah-ah*: okay sige. then lets talk about us. pwede mo nmn istraight na sbhin na pagusapn ntn ung tayo dba. hindi ung parang nagglit kna agad dian
weirdopot: tingnan mo tinanong nga kta e . tapos d mo alam kung anu dapat naten pag usapan . hindi ngayon ang oras para mag usap tayo
*ah-ah*: er.. okay.
weirdopot: redj told me that ur drinking and crying kagabi .
weirdopot: abby matalino ka , d mo dapat ginagawa yang mga bagay na yan
*ah-ah*: empol. i know, im better than that. but im hurt. i dont want to keep it all inside. and besides ive been holding it all in hangang khapon lang. kahapon ko lang un nalabas lht.
*ah-ah*: kxe these past few days i needed to be strong and just smile for my parents.
weirdopot: okay . pero kelangan bang uminom at magpakalasing ?
*ah-ah*: hindi nman ako super nagpakalasing ea. super i just want it all out
weirdopot: so nalabas mo na lahat ?
*ah-ah*: i dont know. maybe. maybe not
weirdopot: okay . to tell you the truth . i want to end this na .
weirdopot: i want to let you go .
weirdopot: pero there's a part of me na ayaw kang bitawan .
weirdopot: pero honestly i want you to be happy . mas masasaktan ka kasi pag tinuloy naten . pero im not sure . kahit ako naguguluhan
*ah-ah*: maybe should let me go na
weirdopot: is that what you want
*ah-ah*: i dont know. i really dont know. but it hurts so much
weirdopot: kahit ako nasasaktan din .
weirdopot: if you're not sure bket sinasabi mong kelangan na kita i let go ?
*ah-ah*: i dont know. coz as much as it hurts to let you go, its much harder to hold on for nothing. :(
weirdopot: dont assume na ur holding for nothing .
weirdopot: kasi hindi nawawala feelings ko for you
weirdopot: go ahead ask redj. wer texting kagabi until kaninang umaga
weirdopot: i super care for you . im telling her what to do . :(
*ah-ah*: empol i dont know na. :( im super hurting. ang sktskt na tlga.:((
weirdopot: ako rin nasasaktan abby . kasi mahal na mahal kita ayaw kita pakawalan . pero gusto ko rin kasi nasasktan ka na sa nangyayare saten
*ah-ah*: i feel the same way. i dont want to let you go coz i still love you. so much. and i just really want to go back. but we cant., i just want the hurting the stop. and i think na mahirap nmn na ipilit ntng ayusin kung alam ntng walang mangyayari.
weirdopot: what do you mean by we cant go back to each other ?
*ah-ah*: i want to go back to the way we used to be. happy. pero parang ang hirap e
weirdopot: and why is that
weirdopot: bat sa tingin mo mahirap
*ah-ah*: i dont know. :(
*ah-ah*: sbi sken ni edj.. wat if yung gusto ko from you hindi mo na mabalik..i mean. i want the old you back. and she said. wat if hindi mo na kya ibalik un.. parang ganuun.. ewan ko ang gulo. :(
weirdopot: oo i understand redj
weirdopot: kasi pag naging tayo ulet . mag kakaron na ng gap between us . :(
weirdopot: parang mag kakaron na ng doubt at mag aalinlanangan na
*ah-ah*: un din ung sbi ko kay edj. na parang everytime nlng siguro na magiging super happy tayo ulet. hindi ko maalis sken na matakot na bka bukas or the next day after that. ur gonna be confused again. and thats gonna be hard for me.
weirdopot: i know :((
weirdopot: sorry kung nasasaktan kita .
weirdopot: d ko sinasadya to
*ah-ah*: i dont know wat to say.:(
*ah-ah*: empol, let me go na.:(
weirdopot: is that what you really want ?
BUZZ!!!
*ah-ah*: honestly, i dont know. :(
weirdopot: so why do you keep on telling me to let you go
*ah-ah*: kxe nafefeel ko un ung gusto mo.:(
weirdopot: hindi ko gusto
*ah-ah*: then wat do you want?
weirdopot: i dont know .
weirdopot: gusto ko maging tayo ulet . gusto ko rin i let go ka
*ah-ah*: but we need to make a choice. we have to decide. kxe the more we keep on holding on the more its gonna hurt.
weirdopot: okay but do we need to decide now na agad ?
*ah-ah*: i dont know :(
weirdopot: wala ka ba class bukas
weirdopot: late na ah .
*ah-ah*: i have.
*ah-ah*: u shud be going na. i know its your midterms.
weirdopot: oh sleep na late na masyado
*ah-ah*: you shud be studying.
weirdopot: eh ikaw bat d ka pa matutulog
*ah-ah*: i cant sleep din ea. and may gagawin pa ako. u go ahead. im gonna be fine.
weirdopot: anu pa gagawin mo
*ah-ah*: chem journal. i want to start it na today so that hindi ko toh maxado maisip.
weirdopot: ok ok
*ah-ah*: magaral ka na.
weirdopot: tapos na
*ah-ah*: okay. sleep na. i know ur early pa tom
weirdopot is typing a message.
weirdopot: okay . nyt
*ah-ah*: nyt

ang skt..:( im lost.. how can this be happening..:( wer both hurting. and we dont want to let go of each other..:( bkt ganun...:( ang skt tlga..:( how.. i was talking to geyb.. and this words from him struck me..:( its true.. very true..:(

Gabriel Yumol: wht can u say to fix a relationship thats been great.. only to fade away suddenly?

-A

Drift away..:(

2009-08-02T00:06:00.002+08:00

E: Huy bano cool off parn tyo? :c
E: Usap n tyo.

*i didnt have load. nakitxt ako sa kaptid ko.

A: hey, i dont have load. i dont know.:c

*nagpaload ako..

A: There, wat now?:c
E: Gusto m pa i2loy?
A: I2loy ang ano?
E: Relationsip ntn.
A: Kung ako tatanungin mo, oo and sagot q. E ikaw, gus2 mo pa bng i2loy to?
E: Feel ko kc lalo ka at tayo masasaktan pag nangyare ult to e.
A: I know. Can i just ask? Kung bkt k confused?
E: I dont know. I promise d ko lam kung bkt?
A: Hindi q kxe magets ea, wer super ok. den bgla kng macoconfuse out of nowhere. hindi q maintindihn kung bkt k ngkkgnyan.:c nagsasawa ka na b?
E: I know. :c kc parang may part skn na nag ssbing wag ko n i2loy kc masasaktan k lang. Meron dn n gusto kong i2loy. sbi nila bka daw nagsasawa na ako kya gn2 aq.
A: Empol, kung ayaw mo na wag na ntn ii2loy. wag n ntng iplt.
E: E pano kung mali magng dcsyon ntn. lets say na d na natn i22loy to. Pero bka kc mali e. Bka may way pa para kayanin to.
A: Wala naman skn un ea, nasasayo. Ang skt skt na.=,c
E: So ano nga pano pag maling d na ntn i2loy panu n?
A: Hindi q alam. =c
E: Pwede prn ntn itry kung mali dba? :c
A: =,c
E: D m cnagot
A: Hindi q alam.=c cguro. Ewan q. =c
E: Okay. Sna ung gagawn ntn n to makaka buti 4 d both of us.
A: So wer breaking up na?.
E: Ewan d ko tlga alam. Ayaw na kta masaktan.
A: Maybe this is 4 d better, im letting u go
E: Wat if mali to.
A: Hindi q alam. Hindi q tlga alam
E: Kung mali to. Pipilitin kong maayos ntn. :c
A: I dont know wat to say
E: Please say something kc hindi ko to kaya mag isa. kung wala ka masabi cguro nga tama to. Kung ganyan ka parati. wala nga patutunguhan to.
A: Empol, it hurts. Super.=c and sktskt.=c i didnt want dz to happen but i gues its d only way.=c my parents are hr, and i dont want dm to c me crying like dz. im hurting sobra..=,c
E: Yun na nga e. Im asking f kung mali to pwede pa b ntn maayos to. Pero d m ko cnagot. Gusto kong itama to .
A: Okay, cguro kung mali to , we cn try to fx dz again. but i really think u need 2 think about wat u really want. =c ang sktskt 2 know na wer super ok, and d next day ur confused. =,c
E: Yan lang inaantay ko. Kung mali to ill do my best para magng tama ult.
A: okay.=c
E: Im sorry abby.:c kaw paren abnoy ko. :c

I didnt reply na..:( ang sktskt..:( super..:( but i think it really is for the better. if we try to fix this.. i know for sure na this will happen again. mahirap ipilt. kxe masasaktan lang ako ulet. ayun. its official.. im single. again. oh well.. ang skt tlgaaaa..:( still crying..:,(

watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nVhAVIMtic&feature=channel#

*read every line of the lyrics..
LYRICS:
Try to make sense of it all
we turn one way and turn away again
Wondering if it's gonna fall
Will we never make it to the end
Were we the start of something great
Were u the only one to shake
The only way i thought that we would go
Did we really put it all at stake
And how do we deal with dreams of could've beens
And lives that we could live
Will you ever see me in that light again
Or will we drift away
Drift away, far away from
Questions we may ask
And doors that we have never opened
Drift away, far away from
Everything we had
walk the road not taken
Drift away, far away from me
Drift away

Will we turn and say goodbye
will we run and say hello again
see the glow deep in your eyes
Will it ever feel the same again
Can we heal the damage done
finally find our place in the sun
Something told me you could be the one
The only one to set me free

-A

i wanna go back..:(

2009-07-31T00:37:00.004+08:00

“Love. It is the hardest habit to break and the craving most difficult to satisfy.”

Ironic right?.. but it is the truth.. why do we stay when you yourself can see that there is no hope left for the both of you.. is it because of that little iiiiinsyyy bitsyyy thing left that still wishes that everything will just be alright again..

Geyb: iniisip mo lagi iisipin niya eh.. bakit wala ka ba pakiramdam? can't you express yours for a change?

Then i cried..:( it is a reality that i have to face.. and if you ask me why?... i dont know really.. or just maybe.. just maybe.. i dont want to blow that little hope that maybe a part of him still wants to make this relationship work..:( and i dont want to be the reason for blowing up that little chance.:(

Sometimes, i find myself strong.. feeling that i would be just fine on my own.. "single".. no worries about any other people.. just worrying about me and me and me..

but then.. sometimes i wonder how could this happen to us..:( hoooooooooooooowwww???.. what happpppeneedddddddddddddd??.. everything seemed sooooooooo perfect.. yes, there were flaws and shortcomings,, but everything was compensated and satisfied.. then what happened?.. whhhhyyy is this happening to me?.. to him..? and to us?..

How can that one person who made me truly happy (wipe tears*) just be confused in one moment from the other..?.. Back then, nothing seemed wrong.. like nothing wrong was ever going to happen... and now,, asan na kme..?.. we are two worlds floating away from each there..

i wanna go back..:( i really do...:(

its basically what i feel.

2009-07-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

I'm Alone Now
by Beyonce

It really hurts to say this yes it does
But after a while sweet
love just ain´t enough
So many settle for less just because
Maybe I´m more in love with what it was
But what´s gets so confusing baby You and me
it´s been so much confusion lately
You couldn´t see that you were losing me

Well I´m alone now but I ain´t lonely
I´m on my own now
But I ain´t the only
Honestly I´m fine
I´ll take this time to concentrate on me
And I got possibility to keep me company

Won't you just assume he doesn´t care
To internalize it all isn´t fare
So I address the problem so that he's aware
But I still feel all alone
even when he's there
Maybe we can fix it baby
I know we can
If I make you miss it baby
Then maybe you will understand

That I´m alone now but I ain´t lonely
I´m on my own now
But I ain´t the only
Honestly I´m fine
I´ll take this time to concentrate on me
And I got possibility to keep me company

La la la la la la la la laaa
la la la la la la la la laaa
la la la la la la la la laaa
la la la la la la la la laaa

Well I´m alone now but I ain´t lonely
I´m on my own now
But I ain´t the only
Honestly I´m fine
I´ll take this time to concentrate on me
And I got possibility to keep me company

i keep holding out for what i dont know....

2009-07-29T10:41:00.001+08:00

cool off. -July 29, 2009; 10:03 am

-A

Are you still happy?

2009-07-28T18:36:00.002+08:00

I find myself thinking about stuff today, especially about the question "ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?".. and i wonder.. am i?.. is this wat i want?.. is this were i want to be?.. are you TRULY happy with where you are right now?..

my answer is.. i dont know..:(

Yes, we just went out last sunday. We had so much fun.. laughing around, being silly, cuddling, being together was something i thought could make everything back to normal again. but i guess i was wrong..Yes, i admit i am afraid of losing him. of losing the very happpiness i found almost 2 years ago. but when i look back and compare it to now. everythings different.

October 6, 2007.. Our first date together, eversince that day i have been living a happy soul. up until now.:( looking back. i was happy. contented. and most importantly i was ASSURED of his love. but now, im quite not sure.

Lately, his been busy with school. late ioght works that i opted not to disturb him. so okay, yesterday, he said pa na.. his gonna go na daw kxe he has to finish his work and mauna na daw ako magsleep. before i went to bed.. i txted him.. no replies.. maybe he is busy.. but today, itexted him in the morning. when i got home. then around 630. nothing. then he went online.. my stat was "not feeling wel.." okay 5-10 minutes has passed he hasn't pmed me yet.. so i did.. here's how the conversation went.. by the way his stat knina was.. "confused and i dont know why.@.@"..

*ah-ah*: ur not texting..:(
weirdopot: busy ako kanina e
*ah-ah*: whole day..?:(
weirdopot: yeah
*ah-ah*: wats with the stat?
*ah-ah*: :(
weirdopot: im confused e
*ah-ah*: with what?..
weirdopot: bat kelangan lahat pansinin
*ah-ah*: im just asking,, ur my boyfriend i care..:(
weirdopot: okay
*ah-ah*: can i ask you something?..
weirdopot: nu un
*ah-ah*: are WE okay?..
weirdopot: go straight to the point wag mo ko pahulain .
weirdopot: nakaka stress araw ko ngayon
*ah-ah*: un nga.. are WE okay? or there's something wrong with us?.. un lang..
weirdopot: i think so .
weirdopot: i dont know please wag ngayon
weirdopot: badtrip na nga ako dadagdag ka pa
*ah-ah*: okay.. ill stop na..
*ah-ah*: im sorry. just pm me wen ur okay na..

and then nothing.:| wat i think?.. boyfriends and girlfriends are suppose to be there for each other.. no matter what.. in this case, its like he doesnt need me. i sooooooooooooooooo want to be a part of his life.. i do.. i dnt know wat i have done wrong. but somewhere along the way, he took the wrong turn and i think he can't find the right track back.:( his different.:| he is.:|

i want my old boyfriend back..:( i do.:( i want him to need me back.:( dats all i neeed.:(

I suddenly remmebered wat i told yana.. "it doesnt matter how long the relationship was.. but its how they lived in the relationship!!" true..:| i find myself guilty. i so wanted this relationship to stay for long.. but i guess that doesn't matter anymore, i was happy with him for 1 year and 2 months and even more..

I dont know wat i want now..:( i dont know wat happened along the way..:( i dont know..:( im pretty lost.:(

-A

happy and scared..:(

2009-07-27T00:31:00.002+08:00

WHITE FLAG UP!:) Must i say the fight is officially over..:) Along the fight, i learned a lot of things!:) haha!! yes i did!:) i observed that those people who are single, tends to give advices such us "you deserve more than that".. "his not worth it.." but for those who had long term realationships na.. they would say that.."its normal,, you just have to be strong..".. "give space muna and everything will be alright..".. haha.. see.. how different our point of views are..:)

I was actually looking out for a breakup.. yes, i was expecting that, i would not deny.. i felt that everythings hopeless for he was not doing anything. i felt that he didn't want it"our relationship" anymore.. honestly, a part of me just wants the hurting to stop. and another part of me doesn't want it to end. One thing, it was not a worthless 1year and 2 months to be thrown away because of too much pain from fighting.. i felt na ang babaw ng reason for a breakup..:( I also thought of breaking it up a lot of times.. because for me,, i did everything to make things work.. and i dont want to get dumped coz i know that's going to be unfair for me.. but i also dont want to be the 1st one who would give up on our relationship..:( soo.. i waited.. but last July 23, around 10pm.. he texted!

And right there and then.. i told him wat i felt..

" hindi ko pa rin alam kung anong gusto ko.. bsta ang alam ko a part of me still wants this to work.. but do you still want to?"

.. that's what i texted him.. i was ready then of wat he was about to say..and he replied.

"yeah. gusto ko rin"

and i cried.. that's what ive been waiting for.. all i needed to know was if he wanted it to work.. and so he did.. and right there and then we were okay na..:) (not fully okay.. but somewhat, of course, d nmn un ganun kadali)

Yesternyt, July 25, around midnyt.. i smiled.. for the first time in 2-3 weeks.. he said goodnight and i love you..:) i love you.. not i love you too.. but i love you..:) and somehow i smiled all throughout the night.:)

Today, July 26, we went out! and yes, we made it through the day wthout fighting!! woohoo!!:) haha!! so here goes..:)

i told him to comeover coz my mom has been looking for him! bkt d na daw pumupunt aung boyfriend ko! haha.. so he came.. commute.. kxe wala ung car niya!:) nagpakita kay mami and tito.. then we left.. we went straight to his house kxe he wanted to change his shirt kxe nadumihan.. SUPER ULAN kxe knina.. so there.. we stayed for a couple of hours sa bhy nila kxe super lakas ng ulan! and there.. i found out wat i missed the most.. cuddling in front of the tv.. where nothing else matters but us.. and super kulitan lang..:) i super missed that!! after a while we decided to conquer the rain! haha!! we walked for a while.. tig isa kme ng payong pero he was so kulit like hinihila niya payong ko at bsta he finds way para mabasa ako!! so there.. we went back to sm.. to watch a movie! funny thing was.. we watched "Journey to the Center of The Earth.." kxe un lang ung super okay na time na d na kme malalate.. and guess wat! the movie was 15pesos per tao lang! haha. and he can't get over it!! haha!! tawa ako ng tawa kxe he cant get over it!!:) haha

After the movie, we went to DQ kxe andun si mitchy and mimi.. tapos we went to goldilocks to buy mom pasalubong!! tapos dun super harutan kme! harutan na hindi pda kundi parang dalwang batang nagkukulitan!! haha para kmeng ewan! haha..

and yes, i did love every minute, every second we were together.. kht umuulan.. i was so so so happy..:)

When i went home,, he texted,, then konting chat,, then naglogout xa without paalam..:( i texted him no reps.. but weyt,, yes, i understand. his doing a paper due tomorow.. and gaya ng sbi niya knina sken.. its a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong paper..:) haha.. wawa nmn boyfriend ko..:( and why am i paranoiiiid??!!!

Im scared..:( yes, i admit im scared.. for some time now, this is a break from all the fighting, misunderstandings and from missing each other. we are so back in the track again.. and i dont want to make a turn.. i dont want to lose it..:( im afraid that it will go back to the way it used to be..:( the fighting and all..:| i want to contain this feeling of happiness because im happy here.. i am super happy.. and i dont want to lose it.:(

-A

I don't get it..:(

2009-07-22T14:27:00.003+08:00

For some of you who doesn't know, me and my boyfriend and i just got into a huge type.. the type where i felt that he doesn't love me anymore.. where i felt he didn't care even a little.. where i doubted our relationship.. where i felt single, where i felt i don't have a boyfriend anymore..

and after some time, nagkaayos din kme.. it took about 3 days i think?.. but it left me hanging..i still dont get it.. why i felt like that.. or why he is acting like that..

Yesterday, July 21, 2009.. We went out to watch Cinemalaya. and just right before kme magkita! *BOOM*AWAY nnmn!!:( and up until now wer still not talking..:(

His facebook stat says "i will end this soon." i tried to chat him there.. i said "hindi mo ba tlga ako kakausapin?" and wala pa rin.. nothing.. he went offline..

and one thing i saw his ex's wall at FB!! nagpost pa sa wall ang loko!! "so sungit. :p" i don't get it.. no more please.. im hurting..:(

-A

i can still smell you..:)

2009-07-11T23:50:00.004+08:00

Yes!:) i can still smell his perfume on my hands, on my arms and on my shirt..:) but im getting ahead of my story..:)

These past few days has been really hard on me..:( i found myself wondering about a lot of things especially about my relationship with my boyfriend.. As of all of you have read from my last blog we had a fight on our monthsary, july 8th.. but that very same day nagkaayos din naman kme thank god..:) medyo nabawasan naman ung pagkabully nya after that, but i just cant take away the fact that he is a natural bully!!:)so there..:) another fact is, i cant deny that i truly do miss him a lot.. i miss having to be with him..:( One night we were texting and all(as usual) , i found the courage to ask him out! haha:)) oh ayan!! at least umeeffort din ako!:) I told him na magwatch kme ng ICE AGE 3 this sat!:) which was today!!:) so he said yes and all, OP CORZ!!:)

Yesterday, July 10 friday.. While i was training rats with my fellow groupmates.. we were texting all throughout the training..:) and he was excited and all.. and had everything all planned out for the next day!:) and of course, i was really really glad to have to know that he looks forward of having to spend time with me!!:) imagine?.. planado! haha.. so i got really excited and all!! i really did.. i was sooo looking forward in having to be with him!!:)

When i woke up this morning!! NO TEXTS!! so okay.. his in school maybe his busy and all.. tapos he texted no load daw xa!! haha.. last night pa!! OW! that explains why he didnt reply na! haha:)) anyweiz, so there.. he said that he has no car,, and then i asked him pano kme mamaya?.. tapos he said na pahatid nlng daw kme sa driver ko sa sm. Kasi i told him na magpakita sya kela mami and dad!! kxe my dad has been saying stuff to me out of nowhere!! pero pajoke but i know its serious for him, because my dad rarely does that! i mean say something, i know that though he is joking around, deep down there, there is something about that!:) some of his sayings are..

DAD: "Oh txt ka ng txt..,, tanunging mo nga yan si empol!, ano ba gusto tlga nian!!?? papakasalan ka na daw ba nian?"
..me laughing and smiling...
DAD: "Nako bka niloloko ka lang niyan!! at sinasama ka lang sa mga listahan niyan!.. sbhin mo sknya na mabilis ako kumasa ng baril!!"
..dad agrees with tito about this!! he even reminded tito to tell me na sbhin ko daw toh pag nagkita kme ni boyfriend..
TITO:"Sbhin mo sknya, ang mga Apostol, hindi nang aagrabyado.. pero di rin tayo pumapayag ng inaagrabyado tayo! sabhin mo un ha."
.. my tito smiling!..

haha there!! haha.. anyweiz, back to my story,, sbi ko im not sure kung ay driver and all.. tapos he said na sa sm nlng kme magkita.. sbe ko!! ee... magpakita ka kela mami.. tapos hirit nya.. tom nlng daw kme alis, para diretso ng simba and my car.. tapos parang i asked why ata.. he replied with..

kxe daw TINAMAD SYA BIGLA!!!

ow!! mmy head just blew up!! i got really pissed!!! but then again i didn't show it to him!! haha!! anong tawag sken?? (MABAIT! haha) super parang ako bigla na ring nawalan ng gana!! as in!! super cold ng reply ko sbi ko

"okay, il tel dad na ndi na tayo tuloy and bka bukas na tayo umalis."

ganyan lang! no smileys.. simple as dat.. tapos the hell with him!! he replied with "okay bano.u" at smiley pa!! i didn't reply!!

Honestly, super tlgang nawalan ako ng gana..:( not just for the lakad but for our relationship..:( super nadissapoint ako.. i was so excited pa namn on seeing him and all tapos biglang ssbhin niya yun..:( muntikan na ako maiyak knina..:( no one knew about it.. i kept it all to myself.. he planned stuff tapos tinamad sya!! badtrip tlga.. super ung utak ko knina lumulutang bcoz i didn't know wat to do and all..:(

but f.y.i. when i didn't reply,, ayun,, he kept texting and asking where am i na.. and all.. tapos he also kept on making kulet.. nagpapatawa siya actually, but my replies to him was so wala lang.. as in wala lang.. kxe nga, i super got pissed tlga..:( nawalan ako ng gana.. i think he felt that i got dissapointed..

When i got home form makro(pang namalengke ako! haha) i didn't txtd him.. tapos, see.. nagtxt sya ulet kung asan na ako! haha.. sbi ko nga sa sarili ko! sna naguguilty ka!! haha!! tapos,, mga around 530 or 6 he texted

"Watch tayo movie?"
sbi ko "when? now?"
he said.. "Now na andito ung car ea."
tapos i saked sure ka na ba?"
he said "yup, sure na ako this tym.u"

so there.. he wasn't really off the hook about the tinatamad thingy sya pero sbi ko sge.. why not! haha.. so ayun,, sa sm na kme nagkita! kxe bwal daw ung car!! but then on my way there.. i tolg him na,, ay sbi ko kay dada ikaw maghahatid sken pauwe! he replied with

"wala aq car tska nakapambahay lang aq. sna cnbi m dn skn."
tapos ako tae!! errr!! cge lang.
i replied with "okay wag ka magalit. southland na ako."

tapos rigth when i was near sm na i asked him where we will meet.. tapos he replied na kunin daw niya muna kotse nya may smiley pa!:)) haha.. napasmile ako bigla!! feel ko naguguilty tong tao na toh! haha.. sbi ko buti naman!! so ayun.. nakita kme sa may bpi then went up na..

We watched ICE AGE 3!! eyey!:) soo funny...:) and yes, hugging him,, having him by my side.. smelling his perfume,, i wanted the movie to last forever..:) being there made all my worries fly away,,;) ganun ko pla sya super namiss..:( gaya nga ng post ko sa FB.. i really missed having to be with him..:( and now that i felt it again.. i got so happy!:) really really happy!!

ohh,, another situation was, on our way home we stopped by this store, kxe he was thirsty.. tapos niloloko ko xa pahingi pambili!! tapos.. parang medyo magagalit na ata sya or mababdtrip xa.. sbi niya.. "dali na. ambaho." sbi ko."okay" tapos i went out the car.. tapos sbi nung nagtitinda wala daw silang mineral water. so pumasok ako ng car. sbi ko "sa bhy ka nlng uminom." tapos.. medyo distant ako.. haha..tapos myamya.. kinuha na nya ung hand ko!! haha!! so i took it.. so hinawakan ko lang.. tapos medyo hinihila na nya.. closer to him!! naglalambing na!! see.. naguilty ulet?.. ahaha!!

One thing i love about him is that,, beyond those mean things he say, the bullying, the hot headed days he has.. i know deep down there, somewhere there, there's this cheezy part of him. The boyfriend who makes me kilig, who makes me happy.. i know he cares.. a lot.. and he loves me..:) im quite pretty sure about that..:)

HAHA. another thing to blog is that!! after the movie, we were off to MCDO to eat! when, i looked at my phone and i got a text from my dad!! saying

"ingat ka aby"

.. aww!! my dad!! i think his jelly!! haha.. yes, i think his jealous that maybe me and empol are really serious about our relationship! haha.. his worried that his little girl might get married someday! to early to say but i know and i feel that my dad is thinking about that!! haha aww.. my dad is so cute!!:) really!! his afraid, i feel it..:)

That's all for now!! i wil sleep now..:) with a smile on my face yes it is!:) ohh and also.. i caught my boyfriend kissing my head/forehead a couple of times!:) and i just love it everytime he does that.. just like the one quote i read..:)

i love the way he kisses me on the forehead because i know he does it because he wanted to.. not because he needs to..:) or something like that..:)

-A

pagod na ako..:(

2009-07-08T10:08:00.002+08:00

Goodmorning Bloggers!:) haha..

Today is our 14th monthsary as you all know! and f.y.i. i didn't forget.. i just wanted him to remember it na hindi ko sknya pinapaalala.. and he did nman ea..

This is how my morning went.. he txted me nd he texted me until i woke up.. e: baby kung sabaw!u.. (yan ung 1st text niya).. e: gelpren kong sbaw gcng naaaa..u( yan ung second txt niya).. so okay.. after nung second txt nya mga after 15-30 minutes i replied na.. and un kulitan.. actually sya lang ung nangungulit.. kxe ako.. isang tanong isang sagot lang sknya..:) haha.. parang nagrereact lang ako and all.. and his still bullying me.. nde ko na maxado pinapatulan.. parang NR nlng ako.. tapos he said his onlyn daw.. sbi ko lang "okay.u" haha.. tapos he txted me..

"Ay tae ka happy mantsari! u u porgat!u"

sbi ko i didnt.. and greeted him as well..

The truth is, i was just really hoping he'd remember it on his own.:( hai.. i went online.. and he posted this on my wall "Wala kang kwentang gelpren.. di mo na nga ako dinadalaw, di mo pa naalala monthsary naten..TSK!" (nabinura niya kxe nagalit xa) i just replied with asa.. tapos he commented on my posts and all.. lalo na ung sa perfect match thingy.. kxe nga daw.. we're not destinied(tama b ung word? haha) to be together daw.. tapos he commented na.. pwede pa daw NIYA ako ibreak!! so ayun nga.. wala sinakyan ko nlng pero di ko sya maxado pinapatulan.. and halos mga sagot..cge lang.. okay lang.. mga ganun..

Tapos ung about sa pagdalaw sknya.. his sick and 5 day rest daw kelangan niya.. tapos as all of you know my parents are hir.. and sa malamangan pag nagpaalam ako ang unang itatanong sken nun "gaano na ba kalala skt nun?" eh sipon at ubo lang nmn ata un.. tapos second question: "paano ka pupunta dun at uuwi". ea sa malamangan magcocommute!! sa malamangan nde na rin ako papayagan. .. and i told him nmn.. kung wala lang nmn dito sila mami kht everyday na sa knila ako.. kaso andito ea.. hai.. tapos ipapamukha pa niyang ganun sken.. hai.

tapos etoh.. nagpapatulong sya sken magDL ng Plants Vs. Zombies.. tapos.. bsta nde ata kme nagkainitindihan.

"Abby:ay open mo ung torrent downloader mo..
9:36amPol:tapos wala na nangyayare..anung torrent downloader
9:36amAbby:ung green thingy?.. wala ka ba nun??
9:37amPol:e2 na nga e..naka open na..panu ko malalaman na nag dodownload xa kung wala ako ne2..tss
9:37amAbby..100% na xa?..
9:37amPol..oo nga..kanina ko pa sinasabi e..na STUCK NGA
9:37amAbby:sorryaman..
9:37amPol..dun sa seeding..tss wag na nga..badtrip
9:38amAbby: open mo documents mo.. tapos ung folder na downloadandun un.. nakita mo?
9:39amPol:wag na nga
9:39amAbby:ano ba yan. ewan ko syo. bhla ka.9:40amPol: ok"

ayan!! tapos naglogout ako! kxe nkkbdtrip!! sya na nga ung tinutulungan mo xa pa ung may ganang mabadtrip... err.. and ngaun nagaaway kme sa chat ng facebook!! tae tlga..:( ano patigasan!! pagbalik ko after i ate.. ung stat nya

"cge sby logout!" tingnan natn yang kabastusan mo!!"

ang haba na ng napagusan namen.. and nagmamatigas pa rin sya.. until it came out na.. i said.

."pagod na ako..:(
dont like you that way..:( being the bully person you are.. too much na..:("

hai..:( and etoh rep niya..

"Pol:ano nga ?
ano na? after mo mapagod ano na ?
10:45amAbbywala. ewan ko. bkt? ano bang gusto mong mangyari..?
i just dont like you that way okay.."

waaaaaaaaaaa..:( there i said it..:( ewan ko na kung anong mangyayari..:(

-A

On getting Tired of all the bullying..:(

2009-07-07T23:28:00.003+08:00

When do you say enough is enough?..:(

Lately, i've been enduring all the bullying and mean stuff that my boyfriend says to me..:( i know he doesn't really mean it and his just fooling around.. but i dont know maybee its just too much for me..:( I know i can be really pretty nice and all.. i mean really really really nice.. but sometimes i also know when it is enough..:(

The thing is.. its okay lang nmn sken na he teases me and all.. pero grabe iba na ung intensity(may ganun!) ea..:( sobra.. if you read his comments in my facebook.. its like im not his girlfriend.. Yes, i know he can be that rude, and his not that cheezy type of boyrfriend pero grabe.. sunod sunod na!! everyday of my life these past few days!! ganun xa!! HINDI BA NIYA ALAM NA KELANGAN KO RIN NG TENDER LOVING CARE!!:( chos! haha.. pero seriously!! i find myself searching for the person i fell in love with..:( im not asking him to stop teasing me and all.. pero grabe na tlga ung ngaun..:( im just asking for some sweetness..:(

I miss that boyfriend i used to know..:( the one who cares.. the one who takes care of me..:(

My mother has been staying here for quite some time now.. that's why we haven't actually had the so said "quality-time" together.. sbi nga ni tiff.. "i miss the "US" time.."..:( true enough..:( he understands namn ea.. pero un nga.. this is whats happens. he becomes really really bully..!! as in super!! example:

a: im home na..u
e: di ko naman tinatanong!!!!:)

e: i dont caaare!!!:)(kulang nlang sabhin niya yan!! haha)

bsta!! so lately, di ko na xa tintxt about wts happening with me.. bhala xang magtanong or magtxt!! actually im getting tired of texting him na tuwang tuwa pa ako na ibalita ung mga ganito at ganyan.. tapos ung mga matatangap ko lang reply ay ganun. must i say.. NAKAKAWALANG GANA! seryoso!! lalo na ngaun na im super busy with school stuff..:( super wala na akong pahinga.. tapos when i have the time naman to txt him.. ganun xa.. so i'd rather not piss myself nlng noh!! thanks ha!!

Sa totoo lang.. minsan na kakahurt na ea..:( kaso i dont have the heart to tell him.. kxe for me parang ang babaw..:( kanina nga.. super pagod ako tapos super ganun pa xa.. napaisip ako ng quote at ito un:

"Wag mong hintayin na hanapin ko sa iba ang alam mo namang kaya mong maging!"

oh deeba?.. getz niyo ba?.. sna oo!! haha.. gosh!! i soo missed blogging!:) haha.. it feels so good to release this feeling!!:) for me, for now,, bhla xa.. napapagod din ako noh..:( try mo magtxt sa taong pinakmamahal mo tapos gaganunin ka..:( hai.. maybe effect lang toh ng walang quality time bonding thingy.. pero hai.. nakkaburat lang kxe..:(

Monthsary namen tomorrow..:) 14th..:) pero i've forgotten it and kanina ko lang naalala ulet.. oh well.. we don't celebrate our monthsaries naman ea..

ay one more thing,, parang nawawalan na ako ng gana with OUR relationship.. hindi ko alam kung bkt.. siguro kxe.. the fact na nagkakaganito kme.. actually ako.. and hello!! nsan ung sensitivity nyaa!!

"HINDI BA NIYA AKO NAMIMISS?..:("

seriously im really getting tired..:(

-A

i hate this part...:(

2009-06-22T00:00:00.002+08:00

It all started when he asked me to share him a load.. kxe nakalimuan niya mag unli!! haha.. here's how the conversation went..(as fas as i remember it..)

E: Thanks beybeh!
A: haha! you are 1 big spoiled bully boyfriend!! (totoo naman ea!! hmp!)
E: Kya mo nga ako laabs dba?..
A: Bkt nga ba kita sinagot!! Remind me agen why??!! haha
E: Abah Binabaligtad!! ako kya sumgot syo..!! out of the blue nagtanong ka na anu na ba tlga tayo..(or somethinglike that yung rep niya!! yeah! its true, i was the one who asked him!! haha)
A: haha!! Why did i ever did dat!! why did i ever sked dat question!! gusto mo bawiin ko!!???
E: waaaag muna!! tinatamad pa ako maghanap ng bago ea!!
A: Ha!? Sapak want moo!!!

Errrr!!!.. i know lakas trip lang niya!! pero not funny ea!:( nakaasar!! and one thing i dont like it when he calls me bano!! i know his just being bully and makulet!! pero ewan lately ive been really pissed when he fools around like i dont have feelings and all!!..:( err.. wala lang..:( i just dont like it, its like his pushing me away..:( feel ko dadating ng time na mapipikon ako sknya..:( hai.. sya nga pag inaasar ko minsan napipikon ea,, may karapatan din nmn ako mapikon dba..?..:( errrrrr baka PMS lang toh..:( grrr.. nakakainis tlga..

Why does he have to be like that, one thing his sweet and all,, super cheesy moments but then one thing his not! his bully with no boundaries, his super kulet!! his just ever bully!! and i just dont like it!! i hate it when he does that!! sometimes kxe sobra na!! ang sarap na niyang sagutin at abarahin!! tae badtrip tlga!!! errrr!!!

-A

I just love my Man..:)

2009-06-18T23:23:00.004+08:00

Here's another cheezy blog..:)

How can you say you're satisified in a relationship?.. How can you say that you are happy?.. i mean really really happy? .. if you're asking me?.. well, i dont know how to do that.., for i cannot find the right words to say how i feel.. but i know that im very, and i say very very happy and satisified..:)

Yes, he can be a little bit of a headache sometimes(especially when he gets mad! he can be a little monster! haha) but you know what they say, in the end its all worth it.. all of it.:) And truly relationships aren't one ways.. its all about meeting in the middle and working it out to reach that other half of the bridge..:) wala lang!!:D

Today, i got to meet up with boyfriend after school..:) Original plan was starbucks!! Pero changed our mind so foodtrip nlng sa bhay!:) so there kulitan and all.. And again, kinulit nnmn niya mga tao sa ym ko!! haha!! and yes!! he can be a really bully sometimes!! ahaha.. naginarte nga ako knina ea..!! haha.. pero sinuyo nmn nya ako agad!! haha.. GOOD!!:) so there, so when he got home,,we were txting and im still doing a letter for my org when he asked me if it would take long(my letter). I said in a few, i asked him why, he said becoz his sleepy na.. then i tld him na mauna na sya magsleep kxe bka matagalan pa..!! but then he texted this one..

"I'll try to keep up. o haha pag d aku nag reply 2log na kuu. o"

so i said okay, and asked him what was he still doing.. but then no replies naaa!! haha ill try to keep up and then he slept na rin!! haha.. ain't he the cutest!!:) naaliw lang ako..!! haha.. kxe nmn.. nakatulog tlga xa agad!! haha.. oh well, his truly one of kind!:) I just love my Man..:)

-A

who needs the world when i got you?..:)

2009-06-18T23:23:00.000+08:00

Can I count on you, diddy?..

2009-06-12T22:25:00.003+08:00

I wanna grow old and still be in love like this.
Can I count on you, diddy?..

**reposted and edited.! I got this from my tumblr (credits to sevgilim). I reblogged it na.. but i still find it really cute!!:) so there.. reposted it on blogspot!!:) **

Lucky to be loved..:)

2009-06-10T23:44:00.003+08:00

Wat more cud i wish for?..

Lately, i really have been very happy of what's been going on between me and boyfriend..:) i mean maybe its been a good thing mostly because we just came from a fight,, err, not a fight but a little let's jst say blurry situation.

So there,, june 9.. i still had my goodmornings.. and he was always there and everything..:) not much of texting but he let me knew if something was going on..:) then last night he waited for me to go to sleep before he did.. so that we'll sleep the same time.. so it al starter with

"sleep na us.u"

then i said. okay, i fixed my stuff na and got ready for bed.. then when i said i was done he said, that chuck and larry was showing at hbo.. then i said that i remembered the 1st time we went out. because Chuck and LArry was the very 1st movie we saw together on our 1st Date!!:) then he said..

"yeah ng dpt d pa ma22loy kc ang pabago bago time mu!u"

kxe nmn noh!! takas lang ako nun!! haha.. it was almost past midnight and he's still up!!:)kxe nga sbay daw kme magsleep..:) so he said na we'll sleep na so i said okay sleep na kme and he replied with..

"Gudnayt gelprend ku.u i love you so much much much ren po. u i miss you po.:c"

then i replied with..

"aww i miss you too po..:c super..:c"

then he replied..

"oh xa tama na 2log na us.u haha"

sbi ko..

"okay po nanyt ulet diddy ko..:) umwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahs.u swiptyt diddy ko..u"

so i thought he wouldn't reply na.. kxe nga sbi niya tama na daw un..:) tapos he replied paaa!!

"Andame nalulunod akuu.u"

haha.. nagreply pa tlga!! so sbi ko..

"haha.. okkay na tamaaa naaa.. last na tla.. i love you so so so so muuuuuch po.. umwahs..u"

tapos.. ayaw paawat nagreply paren!! haha..

"okay po.u i love you so much po.u"

i didn't reply na.. kxe sure ako hindi matatapos un!! haha.. he's not likly to be this way..:) uber sweet!!! as in ubeeeeeer!:) haha then when i woke up June 10.. i woke up with his txt message..

"Goo morneng baby.u"

after 30 minutes i woke up.. and replied.. "

Goo morneng diddy ko na love na love na love koooo.u"

and he replied with

"haha.u adik mo. u eatur breakfast na.u"

actualy i was hesitating to send my reply to his goodmorning, kxe ang aga aga ang cheezy ko!! haha.. and usually, ssbhin nun ang baduy ko!! but today he didnt!! parang natuwa pa nga xa ea!! haha:)) so therewe wer texting all day while watching a movie sa star movies..:)

So today, me and some of my friends planned to have a dvd marathon. i said he shud come!! but he said na pupunta lang xa if i treated him double quarter pounder!! sbi ko!! wala na akong peraa!! haha.. and besides,, he has no car,, kaya tinatamad xa magcommute,, and for one more reason, because henry would be there.. sbi niya

"bka daw magselos si henry!! haha which is super tagal na na issue!!"

ahaha so we were texting all day.. tapos biglang hindi na xa nagrereply.. so, i texted him.. sbi ko bkt d na xa nagrereply!! tapos sbi niya

"adik ka kxe.u"

tapooos!! after 15-20 mintes!! dyaraaan!! his there na ulet paakyat ng stairs..:) so there, it was kinda ackward the he was there and henry too!! haha:D

But then, it was the most simpliest and from rayanns term most "intimate" moments with him.. where,, we just sat on the couch.. and cuddled up.. hugged him tightly.. he hugged me back.. and kiss me in the forehead..head.. there also, i soo loved the time nung sinuksok (nde ko alam kung anong term gagamitin koo!! haha) ko ung head ko sa may shoulders niya and super hug lang kme for about 3-5 minutes..:) and i soo loved the way he smelled!:)

He wenthome around 9:30 naa..:) i think he tried to weyt for some of my boy____(space) friends to go home.. kaso ndi niya kaya kxe surebol late na xa makakauwe..:) haha.. so ayun!! he went home na rin..:) and we texted till he slept!!:) aww,,, nakataulogan nya ako.. i find it cute!! haha.. kxe alam ko na he wants to wait for me to sleep para sby kme kaso ayun, d nya na nakaya..:) here are some of my favorite texts of our texting mode tonyt..:)

So we were watching dis movie Apocalypto ata sa star movies!! tapos is i noticed what they were wearing, its like our version of "bahag".. so i said na it was so sexy!! haha.. then here's how are texting went ..

E:"haha bahag lang!u parang ikaw lang, mangyan.u"
A: "Ekaw kya mangyan...u pero ikaw lang ung mangyan na love ko...u"
E:"Yehey. u ay onga pla i love you too baby.u"
A:"ayann..:c i want hug uleeet....=c"
E:"Aq ren.:c i want hug hangang mag sleep.:c"

There.. i think there was one time wen nakatulog kme hugging each other for an hour or two ata un..:) wala lang.. i soo love the feeling of sleeping right there in his arms and of course!! the best thing is waking up beside him..:) wala lang.. agen here's another chezzy txts..:

E:"andyan pa si geyb.u"
A: "yup, nagkwekwentuhan pa sila ni muma. hahau"
E: "haha e late na e, late na ulet tau makaka2lod nian.u"
A:"haha.. oo nga.. aww, weweyt mo nnmn ako to sleep..?u"
E: "yupyup. u i always do naman ea.u"
A: "yey!!u diddy, super miss na miss na miss na miss na miss q na ikaw..:c"
E: "Aq ren po. :c"
A:"aww.. okay lang yan diddy!.. mlpt na umalis sila muma..:) konting tiis nlngggg..:)"
E:"haha okaaaay. u sleep tyo evryday.u"
A: "yey!!u masleep tayo ha!!u tapos huhug kita ng super higpiiit!!!u"
E:"Opoopo.u hug mo q parati to sleep!!u"

:D need i say more..:) its these moments that we talk with nothing in our minds but the moments of being together in each others arms..:) i can truly say,, that there is no malice behind any of these..:) its just all about loving and being there..:) err.. its 2:30 am and im still blogging!:) we'll sleep now..:) goodnyt!!:)

-A

Cheeseburger!!::)

2009-06-08T22:36:00.003+08:00

As i have said in my previous blog..:) Our 13th monthsary.. started with his post at my wall at FB..:)tapo.. better..:) when i woke up.. my

Goo mornen..u

txt xa.. haha!! answered prayer!!:) i got my goodmornings back..:) yey!! tapos.. i greeted him!! i think he forgot..haha.. ayaw pa niang aminin!! haha!! so ayun, around 3pm he texted..:) punta daw siya!!:) sbi ko cgecge:) kaso mga 4 na ata or 5.. wala pa din..!! haha.. tapos nagtxt.. nakatulog daw xa!! tapos, sbi ko

pupunta ka pa ba?.. punta ka naa!! daliii naa!!:)

haha.. demanding?..:D tapos.. sbi niya ayaw niya.. tutulog nlng daw sya!! sbi ko nakooh!! haha.. tapos sbi niya.. libre ko daw siya ng double cheeseburger sa mcdo!! sbi ko..

Punta ka dito!! libre kta!!:)

haha.. And guess wat!! ang rep niya agad is!!

seryoso baby?.. wala na akong pera ha!! cge papunta na ako dian!!

haha!! cheeseburger lang katapat!!:) haha!!:) so ayun!! he came around 6 na kxe may pinagawa pa sknya si tita..:) tapos pagdating niya we ordered mcdo.. tapos habang weyting kulitan lang and played with the laptop.. tapos pagkadating nung mcdo we ate... tapos nagyaya xa magruins!:) so we went to ruins!:) xa ung nagdrive!:) this was the first time na magkasama kme sa car, na kmeng dalwa lang na xa ung nagdrdrive..:) smooth driver si boyfriend..:) haha naalala ko tuloi ung cliche na..

"Bsta Driver Sweet Lover!!"

wahaha.. so ayun,, naglolokohan kme while his driving!! kxe naman!! stop tapos nag go go!! haha.. pasaway!! ayun.. Messed around and just laughed around..:)

I've got my happiness back..:) yey!!:) I Love him so so much!!:) VERYYY!!:)

Here's a copy of the lyrics 6months by hey monday!:) super xa ung fave ko ngaun!!:) and it basically says everything i feel!:) so LOVE IT IS!!:)

You're the direction I follow to get home
When I feel like I can't go on, you tell me to go
And it's like I can't feel a thing without you around
And don't mind me if I get weak in the knees
'cause you have that effect on me, you do

Everything you say
Everytime we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

Months going strong now, and no goodbye
Unconditional, unoriginal
Always by my side
Meant to be together
Meant for no one but each other
You love me, I love you harder so

Everything you say
Everytime we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

So please, give me your hands
So please, give me a lesson on how to steal, steal the heart
As fast as you stole mine, as you stole mine

Oh and everything you say
Everytime we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

So please, give me your hands
So please, just take my hand.

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

-A

A Happy 13th start!:)

2009-06-08T00:06:00.004+08:00

:D 13th na namen today!! June 8, 2009..:D

-A

we need some lovin..:)

2009-06-07T21:47:00.003+08:00

weirdopot: wala pa balita alis ni tita ?
*ah-ah*: haha!! i heard.. nagbabalak na ata umuwe!! ang problem!! sinasama kme!! haha
weirdopot: wag na
weirdopot: sabihin mo next week may pasok ka na e
weirdopot: tska dame mo pa gagawin
weirdopot: kasi mag finals na kau
*ah-ah*: haha.. sbi ko nga ayoko ea. haha;
*ah-ah*: parang ang balita is wed ata xa uuwe.. ewan ko lang kung matutuloi..
weirdopot: haha
weirdopot: sana ma2loy
*ah-ah*: at bkt gusto mo ngpauwiin si mami haaaa??
weirdopot: i need sum lovin
*ah-ah*: haha!!
*ah-ah*: i know!! me too!! haha
weirdopot: ikaw ayaw mo ?
weirdopot: ahahaha
weirdopot: yun naman pala e !
*ah-ah*: haha!!
weirdopot: ayan 2loy !
weirdopot: namimiss ku na ekaw ! :(
*ah-ah*: i miss you too..:( sobraaa...

Wala lang.. haha.. That was today!! as of 6pm..:)... wala lang..:) haha

-A

on the right track again..:)

2009-06-06T23:37:00.003+08:00

"Nannbgo lang kxe aq...:c d naman tayo dati gnto ea..:c sa txt na nga lng tayo nkkpgusap tapos mwawala pa un..:c wala lang super nammiss lang kta ng sobra..:c"

There.. The words i told him.. The words that made everything come back.. The words that made everything come back on the righ track..:) Honestly, i didn't thought that it would be this easy to fix. I'm always afraid of how I say/deliver my words.. coz he might take it badly and eventually make everything worse.. and i am so glad i found the right words, on the right time,, with a lot of courage to tell him how i really felt. i dont usually do this.. The part where i step forward and tell him how hurt and how i miss him so much.. Its actually not easy.. honestly..

Thiese past few days, ive really been missing him so much.. I really did.. And i thought that everything will be okay if we just see each other even for a while.. But i was proven wrong..:(

He visited me thursday. The funny part was i didn't know he came by.. I was watching Hotel for dogs ata sa sala sa taas.. When our dogs barked!! usually, they behave that way when we have a visitor.. So i was hopping it was him.. but no one came up the stairs.. oh well,, ikaw na ikaw na ang magassume. i didnt get dissapointed or anything kxe ako lang nmn ung umaasa ea.. But then when i was in my brother's room.. getting ready to take a bath! yes. d pa ako naliligo! haha:)) he texted..

"Baby dumaan ako sa inyo. sinabi ni ate jackie?"

so.. ako parang weh?.. d nga?. haha.. wala nmn kase sken sinsabi si ate jackie!.. so yes, dumaan nga daw siya.. akala daw kxe ni ate jackie alam ko.. so nde na niya sinabi.. haha.. so okay.. ayun.. he left daw agad kxe kelangan niya ihatid sila tita sa molina.. pero sbi niya kay ate jakie bblik nlng daw siya..

i didn't expect he would.. kxe nung magkatext kme wala nmn xang nabangit na babalik xa.. and besides biglang hindi nnmn xa nagtext.. so ayun.. i was helping my mom in cutting the hair of boomboom.. Puppy namen. haha.. when paglingon ko.. paakyat sya ng stairs.. so yes he came.:)

Okay naman,, like i said.,, wala kmeng maxadong nagawa kxe si mami andito sa bhy plus si tita and tito dumating! haha.. so there,, we just fooled around, played sa laptop and medyo kulitan..so ayun nga.. he left after 2 or 3 hours.. kxe magjam daw sila sa bhy ng friend niya.. so okay.. at least he came dba..

Pagalis niya,, i texted him.. no reps.. tapos i texted him after about an hour na aalis ako dat night with gstns friends.. no reps paren.. tapos.. bgo ako umalis.. i went online.. den onlne xa.. so pni-em ko xa.. bhy na daw xa. so un nga kung hindi ko pa xa pni-em di pa niya ako kakausapin or kung di pa ako nagonline di ko pa mllmn na bhy na nga xa..

So my point is,, nagkita nga kme.. pero just right after he left parang wala lang nangyari.. kasi d na rin nmn xa masyado nagttxt..

so un lang nmn ung issue ko.. ung texting.. naiintindihan ko nmn na d constant un ea.. pero to the point na wala na... hai.. okay lang sna kung lague kme nagkikita ea.. kaso hindi as in..:(

Oh wel,, at least, wer working things out na... :) so far, everythings good..:) nakikita ko nmn na he's trying to make things work out.:) and im really happy with it..:)

Like, it shows he cares now..:) i feel it..:)

-A

i miss us...:(

2009-06-05T21:40:00.004+08:00

I miss the way he cares when he knows im going out.

I miss the times when he gets mad when i dont reply when im out with my friends.

I miss how much he texts me asking what im doing when im out.

I miss the way he hugs me and how tight it gets when we are together.

I miss the way he kisses my forehead when his holding me tight..:( it shows the purity of his love.

I miss the way he kisses me with no malice.

I miss spending time with him.. just fooling around. doing nothing. just messing around.

I miss the feeling of being with him..:(

I miss the way he smells.. a mix of his perfume and yosi smell. and it smells good actually.

I miss having to hold hands with him. like his never gonna let me go.

I miss the way he fixes my hair back to my ears when its all messed up.

I miss the way he steal kisses from me..the way his lips touches my cheeks. the innocence of it.

I miss the way his body warms me when he cuddles me..

I miss the way his hands are wrap around my waist. i miss the feeling of being there.

I miss the way he fools around when we are together.

I miss the way he covers his eyes when we watch horror movies.

I miss the way he laughs when somethings funny.

I miss his surprises. Knowing he does all that effort to make me happy

I miss the feeling of being surprised. to know he cares that much.

I miss the way it feels to know that he would always be there for me.

I miss the way he texts so much,, showing he cares enough to know what im doing, or where i am.

I miss getting surprise calls from him.. and when i ask why he did. he says just because he misses me. or he just wants to here my voice.

I miss my goodmornings. the way he texts me when he wakes up or when his going out.

I miss being a part of his daily life.. I miss having to know wat happens in his life even though its just the same everyday..:(

I miss having to smile from reading his text messages.

I miss having to know that he wants to do things with me and he wants me to be a part of what his doing.

I miss him more than anything in this world.

I miss the way we do things together.

I miss the way forever feels when i am with him.:(

I just really really miss the idea of "US"..:(

I miss us..:(

*im crying right now...

-A

Back to normal..:)

2009-06-02T21:54:00.003+08:00

i dont need any reason to love you :) - boyfriend

*kilig* this is the stat of my boyfriend kanina lang when he went online..:) sbi ng kapatid ko.. kagabi pa daw niya toh stat.. pero di ko nakita ea, until now..:) wala lang..:) sweet.. and just sweet..:) super it made me smile..:D we are kinda back to normal na.. i think, we are..:) well, at least dba..:)

i miss him so much..:( i miss him a little bit more everyday we are apart..:(

hopefully, makahanap ako ng time to be with him by weekend..:( sana tlga...:(

-A

Baby gcng ka na?u

2009-06-01T13:51:00.002+08:00

Last saturaday night me and boyfriend had a real big fight!:( as in fight kung fight! its because we were suppose to meet up the next day for church and lunch. But then, the plans changed because me and my couzins went out for an after party and i have to sleep at the hotel for it will be late na when we finish. By then, i know that we wont be able to pursue our plans of going out. By telling him i wont be able to go out with him the next day.. he got mad..:( really mad..:( i dont want to put the details na but he really got mad.. and somehow he said some harsh things.. not that harsh but still..:( words that hurt me..:( i even cried last night talking to geyb for i dont really know wat to do.:( it was hard for me to know that he doesnt understand my situation.

The thing is, my situation with my parents is really hard. PARENTS can be so complicated! and he can't understand that. I dont know why. i think he understands naman but somehow his still asking for more than that. ewan ko ba..:( err.. so i was kinda pissed off last night that i didnt text him today..:|

I was eating lunch at mcdo and having a heart to heart talk with Pawlin San Mateo!! Thanks dear!! i missed our chikka moments!:) and while i was pouring my heart out, very very must i say verrrrrrrrrrry confused and lost on what will i do!! he texted..

"Baby gcng ka na?u"

yun ea! may smiley pa! parang ako!! what the hell.. Just like that!! so i replied!

"Gcng na po. Mcdo na. May clas po aq knina ea.."

yun din! cold much!! kasi naman noh! i wont pretend im okay wen im not!! and so he replied.

"Tapucn na nten to baby ayoko ng ganto e. kung ikaw gusto m ng gnto bhala k."

Maybe this is the one thing ive been waiting for.. nasumuko sya! haha.. One thing or another i expected he'll get tired din of getting mad and all. just waiting for his sorry. and i think etoh na un.. so ayun.. i asked him if his okay na..? kasi 1 thing, sya lang naman ung naggagalit galitan ea!! haha.. so ayun, he said his okay na!! and guess what!! he insisted na sunduin nya ako today! kasi may dala daw siyang kotse!! abah!! gumaganun!! haha..:)) pero i said na till 6 ako.. ayun! nagback out na!! haha.. oh well.. at least he thought of it right?.. haha!!

Wala lang.. Medyo asar lang ako.. almost 1 and a half day kmeng magkaaway.. tapos ganun lang yun?.. Yes, i admit im glad that its over.. pero super emote emote pa ako!! tapos ganun lang!! haha.. eerrr.. this blog was suppose to be very emotional sharing how i feel and how i am so pissed off at him!!! but here goes. wala na.. konting lambing lang, wala na!! errr!!!

Why are girls so Vulenrable!??? arghhhhhhhhhh

-A

its not everyday..:)

2009-05-30T11:16:00.003+08:00

Wala lang..:) went online kaninang umaga.. tapos my stat was..

"I'll love you forever and not a day less..:)"

i was hesitating pa nga to make it my stat coz it was too cheesy!!!:) tapos nagulat ako.. he changed his stat to..

"I'll love you forever and not a minute less..:)"

wala lang.. cheessy much..:) its not everyday my boyfriend becomes cheesy..:) i miss him sooo soooo much!!..:(

-A

i said its okay...:|

2009-05-26T23:12:00.003+08:00

weirdopot: baby
weirdopot: d ko sure kung pupunta ako ha
weirdopot: halimbawa matapos lahat na gagawin ko
*ah-ah*: opo..
weirdopot: pero hindi ko sure na papayagan ako
weirdopot: sinasabihan na ako ni mama e
*ah-ah*: its okay lang po i understand..
weirdopot: and tama naman xa
*ah-ah*: sorry..
weirdopot: hindi naman lahat ng okastyon dapat andun ako
*ah-ah*: i know po.. walang lang.. i just want you to be there.. but its okay, i understand namn po ea.. sorry kung nappglitan kna ni tita..

yan.. need i say more..:( he's invited to my cuzins debut on friday kasi.. tapos ayan..:( wala lang... bottom line...

i just really really want him to be there.. and most of all i just want to be with him..:(

well,, wala akong magagawa.. ganun tlga ea.. tapos biglang parang ang cold na niya bigla after..:( err.. maybe he felt na super pinipilit ko.. pero un nga.. i just wanna be with him lang nmn ea..:( but i understand him naman ea.. that's just the way it goes..:| oh well..:|

One thing i got to admit to marie kanina lang is that.. wer (me and boyfriend) okay naman ea.. but for me.. i miss having to be cuddled right there in his arms..

i miss his hugs..:( i really do..:(

-A

Surpriseeee i loove!!:)

2009-05-24T23:47:00.002+08:00

May 24, 2009!:)

We celebrated Rose's bday at Brads, Harbor Square!:) Rose is my couzins girlfriend for about 6 years now!:) ayiie!:) so there.. at first, she invited me about two days before the event!! saying

BRING YOUR SIGNIFICAN OTHER!

haha.. eh sino pa bang significant other ko! haha.. malamang si boyfriend!!:) so i told him, pero Rose said that meeting time would be 10pm!! oh ha!! so parang for me!! obviously he wont be able to come na!! coz super late na yun for him!:) so ayun.. i still told him na pilitin niya pumunta..:)

May 24, whole day i was doing errands here and there.. Skul. Home. Wilcon alabang. Wilcon filinvest. Home. Tondo. Rembrant. Tondo. Bahay. oh dba!! yan ung mga whereabouts ko dat day!! We had practice for Zhie's cotillion ksi!! kya from there i went home pa!! tska wala akong dalang damit!! so ayun.. wen i got home.. "BOYFRIEND" was constantly texting me and asking things about my lakad.. so ako, cge sagot lang.. concerned boyfriend daw..:) haha.. kaso, medyo masyado ng nagind detailed ung questions niya!! kaya nakakuha ako ng hint na he was there!! haha!! like he was constantly asking kung asan na ako,, or ung mga kasama ko asan na.. or wat time ung meeting namen, and where.. mga ganun.. bsta..

ooh.. it came to my mind when he asked me, kung asan na ako.. tapos ang rep ko coastal plang.. ang rep niya..

ang layooo mo paaa... text mo sila kung asan na sila..:)

parang akooo WHYYYY??.. haha

tska he kept on texting me.. text ko daw sya pag malapit na ako..

parang akoo.. WHYYYYY ulet??!! haha

SO i got the hint, pero i didn't actually thought much about it!! kasi im quite sure na umaasa lang ako!! haha!!! ayoko nga kasi umasa!! so there.. tapos he texted me..

"ay alam ko iniisip mo, iniisip mo nasa harbor ako noh?!!"

i replied..:

"HENDE!! haha.. ayoko umasa! wag mo kong paasahin!! masakit un!! haha.."

hahahahaha!!! pero deep inside umaasa nga ako!! kasi all the signs was there!!:) haha.. pagbaba ko ng car.. medyo i was looking around for him.. pero i was not keeping my hopes up!! i was toning it down!! kasi nga

MASAKIT KAYA MADISSAPPOINT!!

haha.. una kong nakita si ate clich and dano and ate che,, pero somehow, on my peripheral view(WOW!! GUMAGANUN) nakita ko ung watch nya by the "poste" wahaha!! pagkakiss ko kela ate.. paglingon ko!!

HE WAS THERE!! HE WAS SO THERE!!:)

haha.. at ang nasbi ko lang ay!! ay!! i forgot!! haha.. its either

"Bat ka anditoo!!!??(TODO SMILE)" or "Anong ginagwa mo ditooo!!!??(TODO SMILE pa rin)"

haha!! so ayun!! takas lang daw siya!! he told his mom na labas daw siya, magcocomp shop!! kaso nkhalata daw sila tita kasi nakabag sya and rubbershoes..!! so sbi niya bka dumaan siya smen!! haha!!

So there, HE CAME! and He just conquered me!! haha..*cheezy much!!* it so made my night!! PERFECT!:) haha.. i soo love him!!:) he stayed for about 30 minutes lang kasi if he stayed much longer.. late na siya lalo makkauwe.. tapos malalagot siya kay tita!! haha.. gano man katagal un!! or gano kaiksi ung time.. HE CAME!! PERIOD!! its all that counts!! thats wat matters to me!:) i was taken off guard again!! he soooo knows how to make me happy!! he soo knows it!!:) he is so my boyfriend!! and i soo love him!!:)

I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH boyfriend!!:)

-A

Secret!:) kilig

2009-05-22T22:20:00.004+08:00

Last Wednesday, May 20.. we watched angels and demons with his friends.. Ida & Bob, Anne & Kim.. Triple date? yes! haha..:) The movie was great.. tapos when we were just hanging outside.. yosi break for the guys!! he gave me this piece of bond paper.. and this was wats written inside.. or must i say xeroxed!! haha

*kiligkiligkilig* haha!! they got bored daw sa work so ayan.. napagtripan!! haha.. xempre kilig ever ang lola niyo!! wahaha!! wala lang just charing.. napasmile lang ako.. haha.. tapos he has another one pero pinagtripan lang nila ung baluktot na pinky ni bob!! ahaha.. tapos, when they asked what was written in the other paper.. pinakita ko sknila yan.. then ayun.. nagasaran na sila ida, bob and him.. and super tawanan lang kme...:) haha *kiligkilig* ever pa rin!! haha

and TODAY!! I got to look at his austrailia pictures kanina lang sa FB.. haha!! and i realizaed one thing!! ang kyut ng boyfriend koo!! haha.. kht ako natatawa sa sarili ko!! haha.. and i do hope no one says anything about this blog!!

WHAT YOU READ HERE.. STAYS HERE!!

haha!! SECRET sya!! kasi i know how much he'll bug me for saying how cute he is!! haha!! yun paa!! haha i dont even know what came to me!! haha.. imagine me saying how cute my boyfriend is!! haha.. its really funny!! i was really strucked by his cuteness and got inspired in writing this blog!! oh ha!!:)) haha

There.. some of the pictures i really liked!! haha.. that's a pik of him with his brother making fun of their sister. and the other picture is with her mom.. haha his so kyut!! and my favorite picture is right here:..

haha!! his so kyut tlga!! parang bata!! wahaha!! well, maybe i just miss him.. the fact that we haven't seen each other for about 2 days?.. haha!! sabaw!! lately kasi we've been spending a lot of time together tapos biglang walaa!! haha.. im not complaining.. his busy with his ojt and all.. and well,, missing each other is a good thing!!:) i know it is!:) wala lang.. yun lang!!:) haha

-A

Momentssssssssssssssss..:)

2009-05-20T00:01:00.003+08:00

May 16
My parents 21st anniversary!!:) yey!! They've always been the sweetest pair of parents i have seen!! haha.. (and i currently can't finish my blog coz im so hooked up in reasearching why Chad Michael Murray and Hilarie Burton wont be in OTH season 7..:( ang sad!! ONE TREE HILL wont be one tree hill without lucas and peyton!!!!:( errr) Anyweiz! im back! haha.. and i have been lucky to have been blessed to have them!!:) It's like their love, its overflowing.. its mature!:) yes, they fight, wait, they dont have fights,, they have this petty TAMPUHANS!! haha.. Their Love, its unconditional!!:) Someday, i want my married life to be like that, Strong, Pure, Unconditional, Faithful, HAPPY, and just to add for it to be perfect, i want it to be that SWEET..:) May 16, was also the day Diddy's phone got broken, and globe decided to take it for fixing.. so wala xang phone for 1 month..:( waa..

May 17
He found a way!!:) yey!!. He used his old N95 phone..:) My parents left for Marinduque that day.. and here's a sweet story a bout my parents:

We were eating dinner.. and my dad decided to eat chocolates.. and he can't finish it.. so asked me and Zhie, my cuz, if we want to eat it.. we said no.. coz we were really full na.. Then my dad asked mom to eat it.. and SHE SAYS:

Oh cge, bsta galing sayo.. tatangapin ko.. kaya ikaw, wag ka magrereklamo na mataba akooo.. ikaw ang salarin.. kinakain ko lang binibigaaaay mo...:)

haha.. tawa kme ng tawa. ang kulet ni mommy!! hahaha.. anyweiz, so there.. they left na for duque..:) tapos,, ayun.. that night!! its the Beauty of Technology! haha.. first time we chatted with WEBCAMS!! haha.. and that's the only time i found out that he had a haircut!! haha.. oh dbaa!! wahaha.. i didn't even know he had a haircut!! haha.. anyweiz, so i was helping him analyze his assignment(Analyzing Jose Rizal Poems) haha.. ang deep!! nosebleeeeed tlgaa!! haha.. tapos,, nagulat ako.. pagtingin ko ulet dun sa window niya for webcam..

he was holding this paper.. saying " i ♥ you".. ayieee!! *KILIG*KILIG* ever moment!!

haha.. imagine!! yung boyfriend ko gumaganun!! haha:)) Simple, Cliche, overrated but sooooo SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTT!!:) and i just LOOOOOVE ITT!!:)

May 18
Scheduled Filipsy exam.. All of us in our class are all scared of failing. kasee..:( super terror ni SIR *****..:( sya ung terror sa Psyc Dept..:( eaa.. tapos, tinatakot pa niya kme..:( pano daw kme papasa kung ganito at kesyo ganito.. waa..:( After researching for articles for extra points.. went to tondo for practice at Zhie's house!! haha.. BOYHUNTING!! haha!! missed doing it with zhie! haha...:)) again, Boyfriend was uber duper texting, and sweet and all..:) haha

May 19
TODAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! Went to school to pass articles and got to bond with my fellow psych Orgmates..:) NAgcommute ako pauwe!! abaaah!! haha.. sira kasi ung pajero..:( waa.. so i was in the bus.. tapos he texted na diretso na ako kela bert!! eh, dapt sa bhy ako uuwe ea! haha.. so dumiretso ako kela bert.:) tapos andun sila ida and anne with bert and him..syempre.. He bought me a shirt!! haha.. hinelp niya ksi si bert makabenta!! haha.. and syempre!! hapon na hapon!! we drank THE BAR!! haha.. Si Nina sumunod and Shin(nde ko sure spelling) gf ni bert andun na din by the time we started drinking...!! haha..

WE ALL GOT BANGAG!!!! haha.. 3 bottles of THE BAR!!..

waaa!! kamusta nmn yun!!:) super twanan with the girls.. nagkaisyu kasi kay bert and gf..!! haha.. laht kme natako kay shin! haha.. kasi nmn.. long story!! and not my story to tell.. bsta she's a scary gf! haha..:)) sbi nga ni anne sken, buti daw d ako ganun kay empol! haha!!! sbi ko bhla sya.. buhay niya yun ea!! haha:)) tapos nina said, sinasbi ko lang daw un kasi wala sya nung time na un.. haha!! tawa lang kme ng tawa.. kasi basag na kme laht..:)

and Nina, was all mushy with us, kasi niloloko niya kme dun sa quote ko na "when i asked for happines, God gave me you.." and i was just smiling.. and Diddy said.. something like..

"Ganun tlga yun.. Iba ea.."

haha.. wala lang.. momoment akoo!! haha

Around 5:30-6, we went home na.. he made hatid sken.. tapos bigalng bumalik!! kasi namn!! 1000 na buo ung pera niya!! walng barya!! kamusta nmn un!! haha.. we slept and ate ruffles pagkagising!! haha.. kasi he needs to go home by 7!!:) and his basag na din! haha.. we decided to part ways na,, para mas makatulog ng maayos.. true enough!! i slept till 11pm!! haha.. and sya.. feel ko bukas na yun magigising!! haha.. and

YES I PASSED FILIPSY!! HAHA!!!! wohooo!! and summer class is officially over!!:)

So there you goo!! yan!! yan ang buhay ko for the past 4 days!! goodmornyt!!:)

-A

WARNING: CHEEZY!!:)

2009-05-09T00:48:00.004+08:00

and i just can't wait to blog!:) haha im suppose to fix my stuff, for i will be going to cavite tommorow for my immersion for 3days!! well!! what the hell!!:) haha..

SO here goes, 1st of all.. i would like to say!! that o5.o8.o9 will surely be one of the bestest anniversary i could ever have..:) TRUE TRUE TRUE!!:) can you feel my happiness..?:) i hope you do..:) here it goes..

o5.o7..
No class for me.. I was suppose to read my articles for FILIPSY exam the next day, but i opted not to!! WHY?.. to spend time with him!! he said we will be having lunch! and though ive eaten lunch na!! i still went out with him kahit umuulan!! ay, EFFORT ko ha! haha.. He/him(whatever! ahha) together with Bob, picked me up at 7-11 @ Bf Resort and we went to Anne's house.. their friend, Ida(Bob's girlfriend), Melvin and Nina were there.. We just let the time pass by cuddling ang making kulet with his friends..:) he was really sweet and all.. tapos he made comment to my notes pa sa FB! haha.. himala tlga..:) that's when i got excited and all..:)

11:23pm.. he texted!:) he told me na

wag daw muna ako matulog..:)

nung una may nasesense na ako!! pero sbi ko mukhang malabo ung naiisip ko! ahha.. ung una.. i thought he'd be coming!(expectations nga naman!!) but hell no!! it was raining cats and dogs that time!! (naks gumaganun!) haha.. tapos i thought na maybe he'd weyt till 12 to greet me!! but i thought!! weh!!! 11:30 pa nga lang tulog na yun ea!! kung di man!! TINUTULUGAN NIYA AKOO!! haha..

so we kept on texting.. i lost track of time! when he replied me this message..:)

Baby 12:02 n sken happy 1st annv, looking 4ward to our 2nd 3rd 4th nd many many more. u

haha!! WARNING!: THIS IS GOING TO BE CHEESY!! so i replied with this!

Aww! Tsk! Naunahaaaan mo koooo!o haha.. Aww.. happy 1st anniversary diddy kou me too, i want my forever to be with you, you, you, and only youu i love you so much diddy kou mwahmwahmwahso

told yah!! so there.. he replied with

Ay xsend aq knina! u haha joke lng me too baby i waaant u to be wid me till 4ever. u

haha!! Yun! chumecheesy ung boyfriend kooo!! haha so ayan!! hanggang dyan nlng! so we said our goodnights na and all..:) that was a first!! First na naghintay siya mag12 to greet me!! ahaha.. yes namn:) and nakatulog ako ng NAPAKAHIMBING na may NGITI sa aking mga LABI!:) haha

o5.o8
When i woke up! i texted him agad!:) ayoko na ilagay coz its really cheezy! ahaha!! and woah!! he replied!! usualy he doesnt reply to my morning texts ea..:) haha.. so ayun!!

11:25pm he texted me kung asan na daw akoo.. sbi ko bahay.. pero about to leave na!! and he said!! na saby daw siya sken papuntang office niya.. on the way kasi!!:) and of course, i want every opportunity to be with him!!:) SYEMPRE!!!:D haha.. sp i said yes!! he came!! and ayun, went to get take out from mcdo coz he haven't eaten lunch tapos dropped him off sa may office niya..:)

haha!! this picture was really funny!! coz he doesnt want to take pictures or something cos his really having a bad headache!! kasi napuyat!! ahahaha:)) tapos pag sbi ko eaaa!! sabay pumose!! ahdik!! haha..:D

So there.. right after class i went home agad.. All this time i thought he'd be working para sa OJT niya.. and i was hoping that right after.. he'd be coming sa bahay.. then we'll figure out wat to do!!:) tapos.. so 6 passed by.. i didn't text him kasi maybe his busy with his ojt and all.. coz he wasn't replying sa mga text ko na im home and all..:) tapos err!! 6:30 na!! wala pa rin!! so itexted him!!! asking if he'll still be going!! taposno reps.. arounf 6:45 i texted him ulet

"Diddy?"

my usual text when his not replying.. 7:01pm.. he texted me na!!

Baby kakagcng q lng, paalam aq kay mama.

err!! to be honest! i got kinda pissed off! or inis siguro!! ksi... err!! i want to spend time with him kasi dba!! tapos i was thinking that tita might not let him go na.. kasi its already 7pm plus umuulan paa!! err.. i didnt reply.. sa inis..:( pero deep inside.. of course im still hoping he'd come..:( tapos, naisip ko pa.. i gave him his gift na kxe kaninang morning.. kaso d niya dinala kasi mahahassle siya.. so sbi nga nya later this afternoon na nga lang daw pagnagkita kme.. sa isip ko pano na yung gift ko!! naiisip ko pa.. pag d xa natuloi,, hahayaan ko xang kunin niya ung gift niya dito sa bahay! bhala sya!! i really got kinda pissed!:(

and then i lost TRACK OF TIME!!!..

We were eating dinner. tapos.. medyo nagkakamay pa ako!!! we were eating chicken wings! YUMMY!! nung tapos na ako mageat! patayo na ako at dadalhin ko na ung plates ko sa may lababo.. tita teased me na "pag ako d nagasawa" its a myth thingy! bsta un! so binalik ko ung plate ko laughing and all.. so nakatayo ako!! i was licking may fingers.. and when i turned my head...

He was walking up the stairs with a bouquet of flowers!!! haha! i didn't know what to do!!! haha!! kasi parang lahat sila andun,, may tita's and lil girl cuzins' tapos lahat sila nagrereact naaa!! haha.. and the 1st words that came out of my mind and mouth was..!!

MAY GANUN!!

haha... ayun!! so nafefeel niyo ba yung feeling ko na i didn't know what to do.. one second i was licking my fingers kasi ang sarap nung food then the next thing happens, my boyfriend comes in with a bouquet of flowers!! in fairness!! ngaun BOUQUET naa!! ahha..:) LOVED IT!!:) sooo much!!

so there.. we went to ruins to buy dvds and all.. tapos went home we ordered pizza!! kasi inaasar siya nila tita!! kasi the kids saw us have a SMACK kiss!! and they were teasing us!! so suhol daw dapat!! haha.. i wanted yellowcab nlng!! kaso he want pizzanero!! yung malaking pizza!! ahaha!! so ayun!! pagdating super bloated sila kasi d nila maubos!! haha.. sbi ko gusto niyo ng pizza ha!! haha..

Afterwards, we watched slumdog millionaire!!:) haha.. nung una kasama nmn mga kids but they got bored! haha.. so i was left wit him and my lil brother na tinapos yung movie!!:) just cuddled. and hug and eeeehh!! cheezzzyy eaaa...:) bsta ayun..:) and i was so kulet!! kasi of course i want pictures!! kasi syempre its a special day and plus im soo happy.. so super kinukulet ko sia tlga ng picturreee!! haha

afterwards.. i gave him my gift na.. yung boardshorts and the tumbler!! haha.. pagkabigay ko ng boardshorts.. i said!!

Try mo kung kasya, pag di kasya ipilit mooo!! pag di pa rin!! MAGPAPAYAT KA NA!!

and tawa sya ng tawa!! haha nung una.. he saw the size!! sbi niiya d daw kasya!! haha.. sbi koo!! eaaa,, magpapapayat ka ngaaa!! haha.. tapos he tried na making it ikot sa leeg niyaa... hahaha.. kasya daaaw! ahha.. sana ngaa!!

tapos.. nung tinuro ko ung tumbler!! sbi koo..

tingnan mo yaaaan!! wag mo sbhing baduy ako.. at cheeeeeeeesy akkooo!! alam ko na yun!!

haha.. tapos tawa siya ulet ng tawa.. and he said.. he'll look at it when he gets home..:) tapos, he said thank you for the gifts.. tapos,, he said goodbye to arj sa room,, nakita ko ulet ung flowers.. tapos i said thank you for it.. sabay HUUUUG...:) haha so, kuya and i made him hated sa jabbee bf pillar!! haha.. to spend more time hanggang pauwe?... haha:D but before he went home!! haha.. syempre kinulet ko nnmn siya ng picture!! haha..:D yey!! dami namen pictureee!:)

so there, when he got off.. i was suppose to text him when i get home... tapos abah!! tanan!! haha

Baby thanks po 4 d nyt. hehe. u i really really really love you. u happy anniversary ulet. u

gulat me! coz ako usually ang unang nagtetext pagnaghihiwalay kme! haha.. so agen..:) it made me smile!! simple pero special!! ayiiie!! haha.. so i replied..

Aww.. i love you too so so much pou and for the record, thank you po for making me really really really happyu.. so happyu Happy anniversary diddy kooou..

CHEEZY much?.. haha..when i got home.. i was suppose to text him.. pero naunahan niya nnman akkoooo!!!

im home na, thanks sa thumbler, super lyk it.u hehe love you baby.u

YEY!! haha.. first of all!! haha.. i thought mababaduyan sya and all!! pero he liked it!! yey tlgaa!! so there.. i replied back na gamitin niya dapat yun and said i love you more! haha..nde ko na lalagay dito!! kasi ang cheezy tlga!!:)

so there,, that's how my anniversary day went,,:) i can say, its everything i hoped for. nothing elegant, nothing classy,, simple but very memorable..:) like they say, sometimes its the simplest things that are worth remembering..:)

and truly i am so blessed and lucky to be loved by him..:) he is truly my HAPPINESS..:)

i asked for HAPPINESS, GOD gave me YOU..:)

I LOVE YOU MARK PAUL DE LOS REYES TERRAZOLA!:)

-A

i got so kilig eh..:)

2009-05-07T23:31:00.002+08:00

I posted this.. well, primarily because i got so killig!:) haha... i want to say more!! but i have to study!!! haha.. so for now.. eto nlng muna..:) i shall blog again tommorow!! for sure..:D

1. Who are you? empol
2. Are we friends? were lovers :)
3. When and how did we meet? you texted me :) October 5
**haha!! he forgot!! its suppose to be OCTOBER 6!.. guess what nakipagargue pa xa sken! haha but in he end!! he realized that he was wrong!! kainis!! haha.. tawa ako ng tawa!! inaway niya pa ako! haha
4. Do you have a crush on me? i love you :)
5. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. baby :)
6. Describe me in one word. payat :)
7. What was your first impression? wow chix
8. Do you still think that way about me now? yeah
9. What reminds you of me? ur smell
10. If you could give me anything what would it be? my love
11. How well do you know me? kilalang kilala
12. When's the last time you saw me? kanina :)
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? wala
14. Are you going to post this in your notes and see what I say about you? nope
15. What is my best attribute? lahat :)
16. What is your best memory of me lahat din :)

haha!! wala lang!! i just got so kilig!!:) well.. for my friends,, you know him!! his not this kind of person!!! haha!! his sweet!! yes, pero that is so SOMETIMES!! haha.. and one of that sometime was today!!:) haha.. STOP NOW!! i need to study!! err!! tomorow!!:)

-A

Why all the effort for her?

2009-05-02T16:54:00.005+08:00

i was suppose to post this yeesterday.. but then i just thought that i should sleep nlng rather than pour all my feelings out on my blog.. yes, im having a rough time now.. with my boyfriend.. well, its hard to admit that im the one who has the issues and all.. but its not entirely all my fault.. it all started with the "D.C." girl thing in facebook. i dont want to broadcast her name out coz it would be unfair to her.. so here goes.. this girl.. D.C... he said he courted her before.. and yes he admitted it to me.. and he even added kxe daw she's cute.. so as the "not-so-jealous"(YOU THINK?) girlfriend.. i just said okay...

So they started putting wall posts on each others profile.. so okay.. i didnt actually made a big fuzz bout it yet.. but then nyt before his bday.. Pum PMed me..! and she said she noticed D.C. and my boyfriend doing all the wall post thingies..!! then she said that she'd do something to make the girl feel guilty!! haha. i dont know why she hates D.C. so much. maybe because of the fact that my friend Gene, also courted D.C. before.. and now that she''s with Karen.. D.C. about a months ago, also had contact with Gene! ahah.. but xempre as the goodie two shoes girl.. i said no!! behave Pum! haha.. errr!!

So i got so curious why Pum was kinda pissed off.. So i started reading their posts!! and hell yeah!! that's when i started feeling bad..:( i felt that maybe there realy is something..:( the thing is.. HE.. my boyfriend. is putting all that time and effort to post thingies on her wall!! okay! i admit i started to get jealous!!

and jealousy sucks BIG TIME!!:(

Yesterday was May 2,, i wanted to make her bday special despite the fact that im feeling something wrong..:( so, right before he went to work.. i told my couzin to drop off my gifts for him at his work.. so he'll be surprised when he arrives there.. so ayun.. he said Thank you baby..u at that time, for me, at least he said thank you and maybe he did like it.. but then, when i got to school. Marie asked what happened.. tapos she said.. ano ba yan wala man lang i love you! so ayun!! it struck me! bat nga ba wala!!..:( so kay.. hinyaan ko na.. but the feeling didn't go away.. plus the jealousy i felt for the D.C. pa.. :( i told Franz that i was jealous about this girl and all.. and about the wall post thingies! and what he said was.. at least his not hiding it or something.. and yes.. he has a point there.. but still kxe..:( girl instinct ea..:(

On my way to drop by sa work niya,, we were texting and all.. i dont want to put all the details na.. coz it will be so long.. but the point is.. ang bully niya promise..:( when we saw each other.. i cnat hide the fact that i was sad..he was hyper and all.. and yes, he noticed i was sad.. pero he was still hyper.. Geyb, said maybe he wanted to cheer me up.. maybe.. and then, he even joked that seroiusly daw wala daw xa sa anniv namen.. thats when i felt i was about to cry.. but then,, i really tried not to.. its his bday and i dont want to make a scene. so i just said,,

"nde ko alam kung bkt ang bully bully mo ngaun.." naiinis ako sayo"..

tapos i was smiling kxe nga pinipigilan ko srili ko umiiyak.. tapos sbi niya.. may naiinis ba na nakasmile..? tapos makulit parin xa and all. sbi ko ako.. so ayun.. we said our goodbyes.. okay nmn.. pero i still tried to hide what i was feeling..

Dinner later that night at his house daw.. tapos before he went home, dapt dadaanan niya ako sa bhay, kaso guess what!! nakalimutan niya akong daanan!! nagmamadali daw sila ng mom niya! okay sige! fine!! on my way to his house.. bigla syang nagprisinta na susunduin niya ako sa may starbucks!! na aprang okay.. umeffort?.. haha.. when we got to his house.. buti nlng andun ung lola and lolo niya.. who made me feel oh so welcomed.. tapos his dad, mom and tita was so kulet.. tapos her kuya and ate.. said they like the cupcakes i bought him.. hmm.. that night we were okay namn.. i tried to hide what i was feeling coz i know it will ruin the moment.. pero its still there ea.. around 830 umuwe na ako.. he was going to drink with village friends.. it texted him when i got home.. he didnt reply..

when i was about to go to sleep.. he texted and he said he was home na.. at least dba.. tapos aun.. i said na i was about to sleep na and all.. he should rest na kxe his gonna watch the pacquio game today..and i said i love you.. i though he wouldn't reply na.. but then he replied.. he said i love you too..u

today, he said he'll come over.. but then.. wala pa din xa.. and his not texting either.. yes, nagtext sya knina.. na papunta na daw siyang mall and that pacquio won and all.. pero.. nde na xa ulet nagttxt.. im not loosing hope... but im not expecing either..:) kanina.. i went online and guess what!! xa nnmn nauna mag post sa wall ni D.C.!! about an hour ago! nung times na d na xa nagttxt!! hai.. i dont know anymore.. why put all that effort for her dba?.. and good thing toh maybe.. but she didn't replied back.. i dont know.. hai.. is this for real?.. is he really feeling something na ulet for the girl.. or maybe im just over reacting..

i dont know..:(

-A

If anyone can make me fall in love... YOU CAN..:)

2009-04-25T23:57:00.005+08:00

So its been a long time since the last time i blogged!! so here!! xempre nainspire nnmn ako!!.. his birthday and our anniversary is fast approaching.. may 2 and may 8! waa.. and i still dont have anything in hand actually.. so cram nnmn!! haha..

weyt!! secret lang pla lahat to!! para sa magbabasa:) ahaha.. para masurprise nmn xaa...:)

haha thanks yesterday.. me and marie, made the tumbler we were thinking for our boyfriends!! i was hesitating to make one.. coz i know my boyfriend.. his not the cheesy sweety type of person.. so there...

i really hope he likes it..:) and sana tlga gamitin niyaa!! haha!! ayun! today! andameng nangyari!! finally i got to know na his waist line!! woohoo!! ang galinggaling ni marie!!! haha.. tinanong niya sa bf ko with all the palusots and all!! 31 ung waistline niya.. so bka sure na.. ill buy him boardshorts nlng instead of a jacket!:) haha.. tapos.. ayun.. im giving him the tumbler and the boardshorts on our anniv.. and im planning to give the frupcakes i ordered on his birthday!.. im still having problems on how i will claim it on may 1.. oh weell.. if there's a will there's a way! haha.. woohoo!! im so excited for it! haha.. plus!! ung cupcakes bka iwan ko nlng sa office niya on his bday! kaso nga bka wala ako nun dito sa manila kxe bka magimmersion kme.. waaa.. bhla na next week! waaa...

so ayun.. 4 times na kme nagkikita this week!!:) yey!! i love it!!! kanina.. nagpunta ako sa house nila!! grabe super effort ha! umuulan pa nun! haha.. pagdating ko.. we watched coming soon.. kaso d nmn natapos kxe may pinagwa sken si dada.. ea d ako nagpaalam so i have to do it agad..:) haha.. we also ate yellow cab sa knila.. yum.. tapos nagsm kme to buy ung pinpabili ni dada.. after that,, we decided to watch 17 again!!.. i wanted monsters vs. aliens kaso gusto niya 17 again! haha.. kainis!! haha so ayun.. we watched.. tapos walk trip to jolibee pilar.. then sinundo ako dun!! ow weyt! nageat pla muna kme sa jolibee! haha.. dun ko nakuha ung paper clip thingy from him..:) xa gumawa nian!! ayee!! cheesy!! kinikilig xa! haha lol!
i also added up on this entry the lyrics of

YOU CAN by DavidArchuleta!!

wala lang..a ddicted ako ngaun dun! super i soo love it!! lalo na ung line na.. "if anyone can make me fall in love... you can..:)" hehe.. love it tlgaa!!! im really happy with my relationship right now..:) so happy..:)

Hmmmmmmmmm

V1
Take me where I've never been
Help me on my feet again

Show me that good things come to those who wait

Tell me I'm not on my own
Tell me I won't be alone
Tell me what I'm feelin' isn't some mistake
Cuz if anyone can make me fall in love you can

R
Save me from myself you can
And its you and no one else

If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end

If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'm just pretend

Cuz if anyone can make me fall in love
You can

V2
Baby when you look at me
Tell me what do you see
Are these the eyes of someone you could love
Cuz everything that brought me here
Well now it all seems so clear
Baby your the that I've been dreamin' of
Cuz if anyone can make me fall in love
You can

-Refrain-

Only you can take me
Sailing in your deepest eyes
Bring me to my knees and make me cry
And no one's ever done this
Everything was just a lie and Iknow
Yes I know

This is where it all begins
So tell me it'll never end

I can't fool myself it's you and no one else
If Icould wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'm just pretend
If anyone can make me fall in love
You caaaaaan

Show me that good things come to those who wait

-A

keeping track!:)

2009-04-08T00:28:00.002+08:00

i know i saw this from michi's site!!
and i really think its the kyutest!!
so michi pagaya!!:) thanks dear!!:)

HAPPY 11th ulet boyfriend!:)

Missing you, its what i do best now...

2009-04-07T23:08:00.004+08:00

For all those who doesn't know my boyfriend left for Australia last wednesday, April 1. This picture was taken at my house the day before he was about to leave, Mar. 31. I spent that day hoping to be with him and yes, we did spend some time that nyt together. watched a movie and he made hatid me sa bahay!(yak! conyo! haha) So there, tomorow, one week na xa dun.. and tommorow, is our 11th monthsary....

Actually, its as if he never really left, he's constantly texting me every now and then since the day he left. i think a minimum of 5 texts a day, yeah! and sometimes he'll go online pa for a while just to chat with me..:) one time he even got mad at me coz i wasnt able to go online, reasonable nmn ung reason ko ea, and because i told him before that i will go online.. he said na..

"what for pa daw ung pag stay niya ng late (3hours advance kxe dun.. 7pm dito niya ako pinapagol) and pagpilit nya umuwe ng maaga kung hindi niya rin daw ako makakausap.."

awwww... i was really touched. really really touched....:) Soo.. un nga.. its as if he never really left, he'll text me and he'll tell stories about his day, or what his doing and all.. its really kyut and sweet.. coz you know, even though his so far away.. he still do looks after me..!! sbi q nga..

"strict and boyfriend ko ea!!:)"

super strict! (the tides thing issue! haha benta tlga un!!) and one thing, everyday his gone,, he never failed to say 2 phrases that meant a lot in his every text.. that's

"i love you.." and "i miss you.."

2 phrases ill never get tired of. he never fails to text me before he goes to bed or rest.. wala lang, its unusual that he does this things.. his not usually this sweet and im thankful he is now. im soo lucky to be loved by this guy. im lucky it was him.. and im lucky to be with him.. yeah! im a lucky girlfriend!!:) haha.. oh!

he was even suppose to surprise me this april 10..

but he found out ill be spending holy week in our province. He said kxe na april 19 pa daw uwe niya.. un pla 10 na..:) though, he wasn't or woudn't be able to surprise me.. its the thought that counts!! oh,

"he even said that im the first person he wants to see when he gets back!!"

awww..:( see!! see!! how cheesy my boyfriend gets when he misses me!!:) I JUST LOVE IT!!:) but the sad part is,, around 7:44pm today.. he texted..

"Baby, last txt q na to till i get home s phil, i love you so much and i mss u, cnt w8 to c u na po. :c i wsh i cn hug u ryt n0w. :c"

waaa... nasad ako..:( kxe nmn.. ITS OUR MONTHSARY TOMORROW KAYA!! 11th monthsary to be exact..:) 11th!! wow!! 11th and really really really happy!! (except the fact na his in australia syempre!!) kanina nga.. i cried..:( i dont know why..:( but i did..:( cguro.. the fact na.. this time,, ill really feel na wala xa dito. no text ea..:( tapos monthsary pa..:( grabe nmn..:( hai.. tapos uuwe na rin ako province tom nyt... so wala na rin chat..:( oh well.. bsta first thing on my to do list when i get back!! that's

1. TO BE WITH HIM!

definitely!!! i really miss him more than anything.. its like the first time i felt this eager to be with someone.. i miss his hugs,, i miss his kakulitan.. i miss the way he puts his arms around me.. i miss the way he smells.. i miss the way his smell stays on my shirt when we part ways.. and i just really miss everything about him... i miss him..:( can't weyt to see him..:( and feel forever in his arms again..:( (cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzyyy!! i knoooooooooowww!! pagbigyan niyo na ako..:D)

in exactly 9 minutes from my watch!! its our 11th monthsary! ayan! 8 nlng!!

Happy 11th monthsary BOYFRIEND koo!! i love you so much!! and i really miss you naa!!!:( uwe knaaa!! HURRY BACK TO ME!!!:)

-A

as simple as it looks..:)

2009-03-26T00:33:00.004+08:00

so right there and then..when i was just losing hope that he wouldn't be replying na.. he texted..

misTer weiRd0..u(-o3.25.o9- 11:16pm): Baby gudnyt love you.

it maybe as simple as it looks.. but it means a lot to me.. maybe at the end of the day he really does care! whew! boys!! ang weird nyo tlgaaaaaaaaaaaa!! i know he does namn ea.. i just wanted to hear/see it again from him..:) so it just made my night..:) that maybe just maybe.. d nya rin ako matiis!:D haha.. i replied. after like 1-3 minutes..:D

me:goodnyt diddy., i love you too po.. and i miss you..:c

haha! syempre paawa effect:D.. i just really miss him period. ang cheezy.. sorry:D

-A

i just miss having to know that he cares..:( having to feel that he cares..:(

2009-03-25T21:33:00.003+08:00

I cried. i miss him. and i think im over reacting. well, my boyfriend is leaving on the 29th.. his going to australia for about two weeks. he said he'll be back april 10.. so, as i have said in my last last blog.. i said, i wanted to spend much time with him as much as possible.. i really do..:(

today, i got kinda pissed off with him.. well, we were not txting all day.. im actually used to it.. that we dont even text each other kht goodmornings and all.. and i miss those days.. that we'd text non stop actually..:( well, for the record. i was kinda expecting he'd come today.. siguro nakadadag pa un sa kabadtripan ko..:( i texted him when i got home. my first text to him today.. i said that im home na.. he didn't reply.. so okay. but then around 7-7:30..

i texted him
"diddy?"..
he replied
"yes baby?u(smiley)"
then i said..
"wala laaaaaaaaaaaaangg... di ka lang naman nagpaparamdaaaaaaaaaaaaamm..:( buong araaaaaaaaaaw...:("
tapos he replied..
"Anu aq ghost para paramdam? u(smiley) hahaha"..
parang ako! wat the!! shet! dito lalo ako nabadtrip! so i replied with..
"ay nakoooh!!:c"..
tapos sbi niya..
"haha. u(smiley) wag ka na sad . u(smiley) nuod ka na lan hbo. u(smiley)"
dahil naiinis ako.. i replied with..
"ayaw. asa rum aq.. im watching chuck.."
hai.. tapos ayan! he replied with..
"baby kung bdtrip k wag k muna mag txt bka mahawa lang aq."..
so xempre.. super i want to talk to him.. actually i wanted to see him.. so at least makausap ko man lang xa thru text kung di kme magkikita dba. . tapos d pa nga kme magkatxt buong araw ea.. so.. i replied with..
"ea., im not.. sori na..:c kaw kxe ea..:c sori..:c"

and there.. he didn't reply.. hai.. i got sad.. really really sad.. tapos naiyak ako.. i cried.. for about a minute ata..:( i supeeeeeeeeeeeer miss him..:( suppeeeeeeer..:( like i said to joy.. (a new found friend.. hi joy!) maybe the thought of him leaving and the thought of having to miss him when his gone made me miss him even more..:( geeets?.. hai.. hangang ngaun di pa rin kme naguusap..:(

I miss him..:( i really do..:( his leaving on sunday na..:( i just really really want to spend time with him..:( or just maybe feel that his there pa.. dhil alam kong andyan pa nmn tlga xa.. i cant explain.. maybe i just want to feel his presence lang ulit in my life..:( am i asking for too much?.. im used to us not texting each other often.. and okay lang nmn ea.. it just shows how we trust each other that much.. that we'd knw we care even though we dont text..:( but you know what.. after a while.. i miss having to know he cares about whats happening to me.. or what am i doing.. i miss the old times.. iba pa rin kxe when he lets me know he does even though i dont tell him too..

i just miss having to know that he cares..:( just having to feel that he cares..:(

-A

First love..:|

2009-03-24T22:12:00.003+08:00

If you should find you miss the sweet and tender love we used to share
Just go back to the places where we used to go, and I'll be there
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

I was born to love her, and I will never be free
You'll always be a part of me

'Cause there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
There's always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me..

I remember my first love.. and truly it was some kind of experience! haha.. truly, first love is one of the most unforgetable memory ull get and all. welll, i think my brother just found his first love.. and got his first sad break up..:( i mean.. ung serious ha..:|

We were gonna eat dinner. I was eating na and i called him.. and he was staring at the monitor and waiting for a reply from ann and gabby. ahmm.. gabby is his EX-gf..:D tapos, ang alam ko.. he was desperately asking ann for the reason why gabby broke up with him.. gabby's main reason was that he needs to focus on his studies right now daaaw. and my brother wont believe her..:| watta excuse! haha..

Well, they broke up Mar. 21, exactly on their 4th monthsary!! lately, his been really sad and all.. super i can really feel his sadness.. He smiles once in a while over some funny joke or when i make him kulet.. but sooner or later.. he wears his sad face again.. and its actually the first time that i saw him this sad.. really really sad..:(

so un nga.. so i was looking at him staring at his monitor.. tapos background music namn january rain.. muntikan na ako maiyak..:( kxe super sad niya tlga..:( his really in pain.. i think he was caught off guard with the break up. he didn't expect it to happen thats why it really affected him.. as i remember he was planning to go to gabby's house that day pa.. kaso un nga..:( oh well,..:(

Well, first of all.. i dont like the girl tlga!! i saw her once.. when he came here sa bahy nmn with some of arj's friends.. i dont like her because of the stories arj and his friends tells me! haha.. judgemental ba! :D oh well. eh kxe nmn dba.. from their stories.. arj has been doing all the work and stuff.. and gabby never tries to show my brother his love in person.. pruo text and ym lang ata si gabby. coz she has tendencies that in school super di daw niya pinapansin si arj! abah! nagmamaganda!! i only stood by my brother because that's where his happiness is.. pero my point is, i really dot like her! haha.. and besides they always fight! evryday ata! hmm.. reminds me of something! bwahaha.. as in everyday sila nagaaway over some simple things and all!!

I want tell my brother that its not worth it..

sya na nga may sbi.. nakatagal sila ng 4 months! 4 months ng pagtyatyaga!

haha... he knows..but he loves gabby so much that he'll do anything for her.. yuuta said, that he'd even cut varsity practices for gabby.. and i know how much his varsity means to him.. so he must really. really really love her for him to cut his varsity practices.. Jed, his friend, always pm's me in ym.. that arj is sad and all.. kanin a they were both here.. and i hugged my brother thight and made him lambing..kxe nga he was really sad..:( tapos knina.. inayos niya multiply niya.. ito ung nakalagay..

my love for you is like a star
cause it's always there
never less, never more
bright as it is.

hai.. ang sad tlga.. super sad..:(

Truly, first love is one of the most painful experience one can ever go thru.. for the reason that its the first.. and you never knew that, it would be that painful..well, with experience,, we learn from our mistakes.. and that makes us stronger..

For my brother, he's still young and he'll go through a lot of things pa.. and besides

why settle for less when you know you can have more than that..:)

i know there's someone out there for him that will truly make him happy.. ung totoong happy.. ung hindi one way relationship...:) i love my brother so much.. and right now i can really feel that he is in pain.. im hoping he gets through this.. i know he will..:) lovelove..:) right now, magkasama kme sa room.. dito ko siya pinatulog sa room ko kxe i dont want him to feel his loneliness.. mamaya mas malungkot un sa room niya kxe his all alone.. his all alone.. his all alone..:D haha.. hughug!!: lovelove:)

-A

Did i tell you how happy i am?...:)

2009-03-23T22:43:00.006+08:00

-o3.23.o9- So i was really looking forward for this day to come!:) haha.. know why?.. 1st, mom would be leaving na! She's going back to duque na!! so meaninggggggggggggg..!! i would be FREE!! haha.. lately, while mom was here in manila, i always find myself going home late because of her.. Everytime my driver picks me up, she would alwys tag along and then buy stuffs from farfar away land that will make us come home late! err!! so frustrating! you see wat i mean?! its as if, its always a hectic schedule when she's around!! i dunno why..!! haha.. and also she has alot, i say ALOT of typing favors for me to do!! haha.. err..Dont get me wrong. i love to have her around but its really a hassle kxe..:( parang i dont have to rest..:(

So there, another reason i was looking forward to this day was because i was sure i could see my boyfriend naaaaaaa!!:) yey!! finally!! last time we spent time together was last sunday, mar 15! last entry ko pla un! haha.. so there!! i was really excited! pero we really havent talked about it! that we should see each other and all! haha.. i was just expecting! haha!! so there. i was really eager.. take note! eager! haha.. to see him because

he'll be leaving on the 29th!!:( his going to australia for about 2 weeks..:( mar 29 - apr 10..:( he won't be here for our 11th monthsary...:(

so aun,, that's why i want to spend much time with him as much as possible.. so here goes.. i was really looking forward to seeing him and all.. but i was kinda disappointed for he was not texting! as usual! haha.. walang load kxe siguro!:D so aun.. tapos the first txt i got him from him today was hmm around 5something.. i was on my way home na din.. and he said that.. he'll be going to bf because he'll review for his test at his friends house.. so that confirmed my thoughts that i would be disappointed! haha.. that i wont be seeing him today..:( xempre studies first namn tlga..:D though i really wanted to see him.. i just said okay, and that i was on my way home na..:)

around 630pm.. being the "pala-asa!" girlfriend.. i still hope he'd come!!..:D thinking na bf namn xa pupunta ea.. he might drop by and all.. around 700pm.. i said to myself that he wont be coming na!.. kxe its late na tlga..:( kaya wag kna umaasa!.. then he went online!! haha. and that tsaraan!! really.. really.. really.. reallllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy.. confirmed my thoughts that he reallly wont be coming na tlga!! period! sure na toh! wala ng atrasan! i thought he was home na from his "review" .. i didn't pm him and all.. i dont know why.. i want him to pm me first! after 30minutes! d pa rin niya ako kinakausap!! so i gave up na tlga! haha.. i tried to sleep coz i was kinda tired from the day!! but i wasnt bale to sleep..:( i cant sleep..:( mga after 20-30 minutes ata.. i decided to look if someone talked to me in ym.. and he pmed me this..:

weirdopot (3/23/2009 7:45:06 PM): punta ako jan u want ?
weirdopot (3/23/2009 7:45:10 PM): wala na si tita dba ?
weirdopot (3/23/2009 7:45:11 PM): :D
BUZZ!
BUZZ!

haha!! sooo!! when i saw his pm!! doi! of course i want him to come!! i wanted to say! YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!! i waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanTT!!! i replied with "diddy.. sareee..:D" coz i want to apologize for the late reply.. and i wanted to tell him yes, i want him to come!!

And right after i pressed enter!! i turned my head and he was at my door na..!!:) haha... wee..!! im surprised but not that much! maybe because i anticipated it too much! haha.. i was expecting it na rin pero nde rin ata! haha.. ang weird!! im happy he came!! we made kulitan lang, super kulitan..(namiss ko un! supeeer!! haha) and again he played games on my laptop! ahdik! he said he'll be leaving by 930! haha.. he started playing games on my laptop around 930! and he wouldnt stop till 10:15!! haha.. i said hoy, may exam ka pa bukas!! he always answers me back with matatapos na din ako! or konti na lang toh!.. o madali nlng toh! haha.. ayan! late natuloi xa nakauwe!! haha..

LOVELOVE!!:) im happy he came again!! one week na rin kmeng di nagkikita ea!!:) waa.. 2 weeks syang mawawala.. err...:( anyweiz, for today.. im really happy he came!! soo HAPPY!:D really happy!! uberduper happy!:) did i tell you how happy i am?.. haha!! lovelove!:)

-A

Baby.. Baby.. I'll Never Grow Old..:)

2009-03-15T22:08:00.000+08:00

We were suppose to go out today but unfortunately i can’t coz my parents are here..:( so ayun.. naintindihan namn niya.. so while i was doing stuff for my mom.. he texted..:)

mister weiRd0..!u(-03.15.o9- 3:34pm): Baby punta ko jan. u

ayun!!:) syempre, i was so happy his coming!! pero mas sumaya ako kxe he called me baby..:) funny..:) pero kinikilig tlga ako! haha..:D kxe super minsan lang tlga niya ako tawaging baby..:D haha.. so ayun„ he came. we played games sa laptop ko.. PRIME SUSPECT to be exact! fun! haha.. joined forces! haha!! lovelove spending time with him!!:D LOVELOVE!!:)

it so made my day..:) a kiss on the cheek..:)

2009-03-14T22:51:00.002+08:00

After i got home, i played some games in my laptop.. then my mom and dad wanted to watch a movie! so aun! nahila kme!! my parents are like that.. pag magdadate sila ni mom! gusto ksma kme! haha!! so we decided to watch RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN at SM! infairness.. ok din sya! haha.. medyo bitin nga lang!! so.. mga 550 na nun!! tapos.. ung movie 640 pa magstart! so my parents decided to play bingo! haha.. oh wel,, kakaupo lang namn ng pinunthan kme ng guard! at bawal daw kme magstay ng kapatid ko dun! kxe MINOR DAW KME!!! tapos.. tawa ng tawa parents ko! kxe MINOR PA DAW AKOO? haha!! napahiya ung guard nung nalaman niya na i am not a minor na! haha.. so si brother,, went out,, nagpakaemo dun sa tabi! haha..so eto naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

me and boyfriend were texting. and i told him nga dat the movie will start around 640 pm pa.. then he said.. punta daw ako sknila.. sbi ko weh! haha.. then ayun!! it struck me! na why don't we go there!! wala nmn kmeng gingwa ni brother!!

singit: actually, dapt ssama sya magwatch!! kaso nahihiya sya kxe bka daw family tservah un! haha.. ang arte!! tapos sbi ko!! his family na rin naman!! ayiee!!

haha cheesssy! haha so ayun!! at pumunta nga kme!! 6 na nun!! we told our parents that we'll just stroll around the mall!! haha.. LIERS! haha.. super layo ng bahay nila! actually dun sa isa nilang bhy kme pumunta mas nearer kxe un! nde pa rin!! MALAYO pa rin kaya!! haha!! 6:15 na rin ata kme nakadating sknila! haha.. wala.. tumamby lang kme sa terrace nila and kuya jek was there.. haha.. dpt,, ssby kme kay kuya jek pa sm.. kaso maliligo pa xa.. so, hahatid nlng kme ni boypren at magmomotor kmee!!:) tapos around 6:27-6:30.. nagtxt si dad!! asan na daw kme? at pasok na daw kme sa moviehouse! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.!!! haha.. so ayun!! nagmotorcycle nlng kme papunta sa sakayan ng trike! para mas mabilis:) haha.. so nakasky dun sya, ako at brother!!:) hmm... medyo mabilis sya magdrive kaso feel ko binabagalan niya kxe bka matakot ako!! at ung kapatid ko nakasky din sa likod!! haha!! so syempre ako super kapit:) ang kapatid ko nahihiya humug sken! ay sos! haha.. tapos pag dting nmn sa skyan ng trike..

a kiss on the cheek was all i got from him!

haha..

but it so made my day..:)

muchmuchmuch!! as in!!:) so sumakay na kme ng trike!! sbi ko sa trike, bilisan niya.. tapos nagtext si dad!! asan na daw kme! sbi ko nag CR brother ko!! bwahaha!! oh dba!! grabe.. nagtratrafik pa!! err..!! so pagdating namin sa SM.. medyo super ang bilis namen maglakad.. as in! haha.. kxe 6:39 na ata nun! haha!! ea 6:40 magstart ung movie!! so nung nakita kme ng parents ko.. pasok na sila agad sa movie house.. tapos kme din.. buti nlng pagpasok namen!! magtrailers pa lang!! woot! haha.. thank GOD! tlga..:D

so ayun.. 10 minutes was all i got to spend time with him..:) in fairness nde pa kme maxado naguusap nun and all ha!! wala lang.. nakaupo lang ako sa tabi niya.. tapos the motorcycle ride.. was kinda an experience!!

the best part about it was.. sya kxe ung nagdrdrive dba..!:)

wala lang nakyukyutan lang ako..:) i don't know why im feeling this happy feeling, when we didn''t even got the chance to really spend time together.. hello. 5? 10 minutes lang un. . well,, i thought maybe sometimes thats why missing each other is good.:) coz, wen you get to see that particular someone you really miss.. its not importnt how you spend it or how long it was..:) just the feeling that you were together even just for a couple of minutes will mean a lot..:) truly,, TIME is GOLD..:) its precious!!:) really!! lovelove..:) happy:)

**singit: while walking to the foodcourt! my brother was asking me kung naging M.U. daw kme ni boypren..? tapos.. nakasmile lang ako.. d ko sya sinasagot tapos sbi niya..:

"ano nga ate.. naging M.U. ba kayo?.. or si empol lang may gusto tlga nung una?.. ung M.U. MORAL UNDERSTANDING!!"

bwahaha.. super tawa ako ng tawa!! haha!! i soo love my brother!!!:D till here.. wow nakapgblog ako uleet!!:D haha

-A

The Dream..:)

2009-03-14T22:08:00.003+08:00

-o3.14.o9-
My day started with a dream.. It's a dream i didn't expect i'd have.. silly me! Sino nga namang taong ang nageexpect ng dream niya dba! haha.. oh well.. its just that this dream was very peculiar.. very weird.. and for the record i didn't like it..:( so here goes:

Me and boyfriend were chatting daw. so ayun.. and then, bigla xang badtrip.. naiinis for some reason i dont know.. ay weyt.. medyo cold pla ung relationship namen that time..(may ganun! haha) so i asked him. why he was like that and all.. sbi niya.. "nakakabadtrip.." "naiinis ako" bsta, don't worry ikaw yung mahal ko.."(waaa..:() naguluhan ako and all.. and kung bkt xa nagkakaganun.. tapos parang i asked him. whats happening and all.. tapos sbi niya.."bsta.. naiininis ako..

MAHAL KO SIYA AT MAHAL NIYA AKO.. PERO NAIINIS AKO SKNYA.. KYA IKAW ANG PIPILIIN KO.."

parang ganun..:( what thee!! waa...so ayun.. i was so confused kung bkt nagkaganun.. tapos.. dapt lalabas ako ng room ko.. paglabas ko ng room ko.. MY EX BOYFRIEND was there!! playing with my puppies!! and guess what!!

HE WAS ASKING ME BACK!!

whaaaat!! haha!! anyweiz, so there.. and then, he was suppose to sleep over pa nga.. kaso biglang d na.. when he was about to leave.. he was tlaking with my parents and all.. tapos.. nde ko ata nacarry.. nagkulong ako sa room.. i kept on texting m boyfriend and i was asking him.. what happened to us.? then i cried myself to sleep daw.. and then i woke up.."

as far as i remember.. i think i woke up with some tears on my eyes..!! eh hello!! ikaw ba nmn managinip na may ibang mahal boyfriend mo! sino kaya di iiyak! haha oh well.. i actually don't know what my dream was trying to say and all.. but one thing, i didn't like it!! really..

So back to the real world. i went to school to study COMPANA!! err.. freaking cat! haha.. it only took me about 30 minutes to study! haha.. kxe late ako dumating ang my friends were leaving na! kxe tapos na sila magaral! so oh dba! ang bilis ko magmemorize at aralin si catwoman! haha..

After that, i met up with abboi! (abbyses reunited!haha) she was with sushee.. i told them about my dream. and they both agreed it was weird! haha.. after that, we went to medrano to meet up with the shana, evan, jopee, kenny and maan! (my foreign friend me-an!;)) met BONG! ahaha.. BLOCK 8 is the NEW BLOCK 3!! sbi ni abboi! haha :D ayun! we wanted to go to rob! kaso evan has a seminar by 3pm so MCDO nlng! haha.. after eating we went to medrano!! and we were super addicted in playing games!! (grr! dpt tlga dinala ko laptop ko) haha!! so pagandahan ng nilalaro!! xempre!! lahat na intriga dun sa nilaro namen ni abboi!! DEATH VS. MONSTER! haha.. sa *ooh.. i forgot the site! haha..:D ayun.. super bonding.. after that,, nagutom ako.. so nag10q kme ni abboi! bought ridges, 7up and nestea! then tambay sa amphi! haha!! SUPERKWENTUHAN ABOUT LOVELIFE!! ahahaha.. dba abboi!!;)

tapos, seminar na ni evan!! at sakto magstastart na! dumating ang aking sundo.. tapos i went home naa!!!... ill be posting the next event on my next entry..:)

If Only..

2009-03-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

So there.. i watched If Only movie ulet kanina..:) its one of my all time favorite movie tlga.. as in!! maybe because, its just all about loving someone.. and just about knowing the importance of a person when you know you’ll lose them.. im just really touched by how Ian showed Sam how much he loved him.. i mean, the way he changed and the way he proved Sam how much she means to him..

“Appreciate her and what you have… Just Love Her…”:)

Ian Wyndham: I Love you.
Samantha Andrews: Ooh I Love you too.
Ian Wyndham: I wanna tell you why I love you.
Samantha Andrews: It’s… It’s raining, you know that right.
Ian Wyndham: I have to tell you this and you need to hear it. I loved you since I met you, but I wouldn’t allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions soaked with fear… Today, because of you… what I learned from you; every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed… and I’ve learned that if you do that, then you’re living your life fully… it doesn’t matter if you have five minutes or fifty years. Samantha if not for today, if not for you I would never have known love at all… So thank you for being the person who taught me to love… and to be love.
Samantha Andrews: I don’t know what to say.
Ian Wyndham: You don’t have to say anything… I just wanted to tell you.

its been a while..

2009-03-06T21:18:00.002+08:00

oh well,, its been a while since the last time i blogged. Feb 19.. and i was ranting about losing hope and all.. well, one thing, i think.. i quote.. "i think" i have overcomed it na.. ata.. haha.. well,, as i always say.. its always about just having faith..:)

So, lately ive been really busy.. with compana lab and lec, family matters, org and a like.. that i havent have the time to blog.. busy much?.. and so far.. the only things i have updated is my tumblr and my plurk! haha.. sayang ang karma ea!! haha=D so lets go through my life..:)

Family..
hmm.. family.. well, okay naman..haha.. we went to the Panagbengga Festival at Baguio with zhie and te clich.. we stayed at tita Cleo's house.. finally had bonding with the boys! haha.. super shy kxe sila! as in! haha.. so it was fun na, wen we had bonding na!! 1.. 2.. 3.. pass! and super powder experience! haha.. tom is my brother's bday na!! 13 na xa.. teen na xa.. not a baby na.. haha.. oh well,, my gf na nga ea.. err.. for one thing.. i dont like his gf!! kxxe nmn dba.. my tendencies ung girl na di niya pinapansin kapatid ko pag maraming boys!! ahmm.. parang baliktad dba!! kawawa nmn ang aking lil' brother..:( hmf!! oh,, he's not little anymore... haha.. well,, ill let him learn from his mistake and experiences..:D that's how i learned!! ahaha=))

School..
hmm.. school is okaay!!:) i only have problems with my comparative anatomy lecture class.. kxe namn super hirap magbigay ng prof namin ng exam.. 75 % of the class are failing their exams..!!hai.. everythings okay.. except nga lang tlga compana lec! errr..:( oh well, anyweiz, im also busy with my org. not because of meetings and all.. but because im processing papers for my project in lian, batangas.. mangrove planting!! im actually, kinda excited about it! it would be a first for me and some of my friends! and im really hoping it will be approved by s-life! Na-approve na xa sa cosca!! haha.. sa S-LIFE na lang!! wee!! and also i' am officially running for Executive Vice President for SMS..:) haha.. pero weyt!! tatakbo lang pla ako pag si apple tumakbo ng presidency!:) haha.. yesterday i distributed my recomendation forms na and knina i went to the registrar to get a certifivation of my CGPA:).. haha.. wish me luck!:)

Lovelife..
unang unang una sa lahat.. miss ko na xa agad! haha.. we just saw each other last wed.. he came and surprrised me again!:)

Boypren: Nerdy you want punta ako jan?u
Me: I WAAAANTTTT!!u

haha.. and yes.. pagkasend na pagkasend ko plang andyan na xa..:) nagdodoorbell!! haha.. i soo love surprises:) haha!! ayun super vanity ako kxe d niya ako pinapansin kxe naglalro xa sa laptop koo..! ahaha.. hmm.. pero weyt,, im thinking na.. bka super masanay ako..:( na baka i always think na lagi nya na ako isusurprise..:( ayaw ko nnun..:( huhu.. bsta abby, concentrate.. and just always hope for the best..:) haha.. ano bah toh!! ang hirap magkalovelife.. pero sbi ni geyb,, mas madami daw disadvantages pag walang lovelife!! so no tnx nlng!! haha.. wats there to worry about nga namn. ea overall.. haha may ganun.. "overall".. haha.. im happy naman..

sometimes its better to ignore little things.. coz its the big picture that matters..:)

-A