happy and scared..:(

WHITE FLAG UP!:) Must i say the fight is officially over..:) Along the fight, i learned a lot of things!:) haha!! yes i did!:) i observed that those people who are single, tends to give advices such us "you deserve more than that".. "his not worth it.." but for those who had long term realationships na.. they would say that.."its normal,, you just have to be strong..".. "give space muna and everything will be alright..".. haha.. see.. how different our point of views are..:)

I was actually looking out for a breakup.. yes, i was expecting that, i would not deny.. i felt that everythings hopeless for he was not doing anything. i felt that he didn't want it"our relationship" anymore.. honestly, a part of me just wants the hurting to stop. and another part of me doesn't want it to end. One thing, it was not a worthless 1year and 2 months to be thrown away because of too much pain from fighting.. i felt na ang babaw ng reason for a breakup..:( I also thought of breaking it up a lot of times.. because for me,, i did everything to make things work.. and i dont want to get dumped coz i know that's going to be unfair for me.. but i also dont want to be the 1st one who would give up on our relationship..:( soo.. i waited.. but last July 23, around 10pm.. he texted!

And right there and then.. i told him wat i felt..

" hindi ko pa rin alam kung anong gusto ko.. bsta ang alam ko a part of me still wants this to work.. but do you still want to?"

.. that's what i texted him.. i was ready then of wat he was about to say..and he replied.

"yeah. gusto ko rin"

and i cried.. that's what ive been waiting for.. all i needed to know was if he wanted it to work.. and so he did.. and right there and then we were okay na..:) (not fully okay.. but somewhat, of course, d nmn un ganun kadali)

Yesternyt, July 25, around midnyt.. i smiled.. for the first time in 2-3 weeks.. he said goodnight and i love you..:) i love you.. not i love you too.. but i love you..:) and somehow i smiled all throughout the night.:)

Today, July 26, we went out! and yes, we made it through the day wthout fighting!! woohoo!!:) haha!! so here goes..:)

i told him to comeover coz my mom has been looking for him! bkt d na daw pumupunt aung boyfriend ko! haha.. so he came.. commute.. kxe wala ung car niya!:) nagpakita kay mami and tito.. then we left.. we went straight to his house kxe he wanted to change his shirt kxe nadumihan.. SUPER ULAN kxe knina.. so there.. we stayed for a couple of hours sa bhy nila kxe super lakas ng ulan! and there.. i found out wat i missed the most.. cuddling in front of the tv.. where nothing else matters but us.. and super kulitan lang..:) i super missed that!! after a while we decided to conquer the rain! haha!! we walked for a while.. tig isa kme ng payong pero he was so kulit like hinihila niya payong ko at bsta he finds way para mabasa ako!! so there.. we went back to sm.. to watch a movie! funny thing was.. we watched "Journey to the Center of The Earth.." kxe un lang ung super okay na time na d na kme malalate.. and guess wat! the movie was 15pesos per tao lang! haha. and he can't get over it!! haha!! tawa ako ng tawa kxe he cant get over it!!:) haha

After the movie, we went to DQ kxe andun si mitchy and mimi.. tapos we went to goldilocks to buy mom pasalubong!! tapos dun super harutan kme! harutan na hindi pda kundi parang dalwang batang nagkukulitan!! haha para kmeng ewan! haha..

and yes, i did love every minute, every second we were together.. kht umuulan.. i was so so so happy..:)

When i went home,, he texted,, then konting chat,, then naglogout xa without paalam..:( i texted him no reps.. but weyt,, yes, i understand. his doing a paper due tomorow.. and gaya ng sbi niya knina sken.. its a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong paper..:) haha.. wawa nmn boyfriend ko..:( and why am i paranoiiiid??!!!

Im scared..:( yes, i admit im scared.. for some time now, this is a break from all the fighting, misunderstandings and from missing each other. we are so back in the track again.. and i dont want to make a turn.. i dont want to lose it..:( im afraid that it will go back to the way it used to be..:( the fighting and all..:| i want to contain this feeling of happiness because im happy here.. i am super happy.. and i dont want to lose it.:(


-A

I don't get it..:(

For some of you who doesn't know, me and my boyfriend and i just got into a huge type.. the type where i felt that he doesn't love me anymore.. where i felt he didn't care even a little.. where i doubted our relationship.. where i felt single, where i felt i don't have a boyfriend anymore..

and after some time, nagkaayos din kme.. it took about 3 days i think?.. but it left me hanging..i still dont get it.. why i felt like that.. or why he is acting like that..

Yesterday, July 21, 2009.. We went out to watch Cinemalaya. and just right before kme magkita! *BOOM*AWAY nnmn!!:( and up until now wer still not talking..:(

His facebook stat says "i will end this soon." i tried to chat him there.. i said "hindi mo ba tlga ako kakausapin?" and wala pa rin.. nothing.. he went offline..

and one thing i saw his ex's wall at FB!! nagpost pa sa wall ang loko!! "so sungit. :p" i don't get it.. no more please.. im hurting..:(

-A

i can still smell you..:)

Yes!:) i can still smell his perfume on my hands, on my arms and on my shirt..:) but im getting ahead of my story..:)

These past few days has been really hard on me..:( i found myself wondering about a lot of things especially about my relationship with my boyfriend.. As of all of you have read from my last blog we had a fight on our monthsary, july 8th.. but that very same day nagkaayos din naman kme thank god..:) medyo nabawasan naman ung pagkabully nya after that, but i just cant take away the fact that he is a natural bully!!:)so there..:) another fact is, i cant deny that i truly do miss him a lot.. i miss having to be with him..:( One night we were texting and all(as usual) , i found the courage to ask him out! haha:)) oh ayan!! at least umeeffort din ako!:) I told him na magwatch kme ng ICE AGE 3 this sat!:) which was today!!:) so he said yes and all, OP CORZ!!:)

Yesterday, July 10 friday.. While i was training rats with my fellow groupmates.. we were texting all throughout the training..:) and he was excited and all.. and had everything all planned out for the next day!:) and of course, i was really really glad to have to know that he looks forward of having to spend time with me!!:) imagine?.. planado! haha.. so i got really excited and all!! i really did.. i was sooo looking forward in having to be with him!!:)

When i woke up this morning!! NO TEXTS!! so okay.. his in school maybe his busy and all.. tapos he texted no load daw xa!! haha.. last night pa!! OW! that explains why he didnt reply na! haha:)) anyweiz, so there.. he said that he has no car,, and then i asked him pano kme mamaya?.. tapos he said na pahatid nlng daw kme sa driver ko sa sm. Kasi i told him na magpakita sya kela mami and dad!! kxe my dad has been saying stuff to me out of nowhere!! pero pajoke but i know its serious for him, because my dad rarely does that! i mean say something, i know that though he is joking around, deep down there, there is something about that!:) some of his sayings are..

DAD: "Oh txt ka ng txt..,, tanunging mo nga yan si empol!, ano ba gusto tlga nian!!?? papakasalan ka na daw ba nian?"
..me laughing and smiling...
DAD: "Nako bka niloloko ka lang niyan!! at sinasama ka lang sa mga listahan niyan!.. sbhin mo sknya na mabilis ako kumasa ng baril!!"
..dad agrees with tito about this!! he even reminded tito to tell me na sbhin ko daw toh pag nagkita kme ni boyfriend..
TITO:"Sbhin mo sknya, ang mga Apostol, hindi nang aagrabyado.. pero di rin tayo pumapayag ng inaagrabyado tayo! sabhin mo un ha."
.. my tito smiling!..

haha there!! haha.. anyweiz, back to my story,, sbi ko im not sure kung ay driver and all.. tapos he said na sa sm nlng kme magkita.. sbe ko!! ee... magpakita ka kela mami.. tapos hirit nya.. tom nlng daw kme alis, para diretso ng simba and my car.. tapos parang i asked why ata.. he replied with..

kxe daw TINAMAD SYA BIGLA!!!

ow!! mmy head just blew up!! i got really pissed!!! but then again i didn't show it to him!! haha!! anong tawag sken?? (MABAIT! haha) super parang ako bigla na ring nawalan ng gana!! as in!! super cold ng reply ko sbi ko

"okay, il tel dad na ndi na tayo tuloy and bka bukas na tayo umalis."

ganyan lang! no smileys.. simple as dat.. tapos the hell with him!! he replied with "okay bano.u" at smiley pa!! i didn't reply!!

Honestly, super tlgang nawalan ako ng gana..:( not just for the lakad but for our relationship..:( super nadissapoint ako.. i was so excited pa namn on seeing him and all tapos biglang ssbhin niya yun..:( muntikan na ako maiyak knina..:( no one knew about it.. i kept it all to myself.. he planned stuff tapos tinamad sya!! badtrip tlga.. super ung utak ko knina lumulutang bcoz i didn't know wat to do and all..:(

but f.y.i. when i didn't reply,, ayun,, he kept texting and asking where am i na.. and all.. tapos he also kept on making kulet.. nagpapatawa siya actually, but my replies to him was so wala lang.. as in wala lang.. kxe nga, i super got pissed tlga..:( nawalan ako ng gana.. i think he felt that i got dissapointed..

When i got home form makro(pang namalengke ako! haha) i didn't txtd him.. tapos, see.. nagtxt sya ulet kung asan na ako! haha.. sbi ko nga sa sarili ko! sna naguguilty ka!! haha!! tapos,, mga around 530 or 6 he texted

"Watch tayo movie?"
sbi ko "when? now?"
he said.. "Now na andito ung car ea."
tapos i saked sure ka na ba?"
he said "yup, sure na ako this tym.u"

so there.. he wasn't really off the hook about the tinatamad thingy sya pero sbi ko sge.. why not! haha.. so ayun,, sa sm na kme nagkita! kxe bwal daw ung car!! but then on my way there.. i tolg him na,, ay sbi ko kay dada ikaw maghahatid sken pauwe! he replied with

"wala aq car tska nakapambahay lang aq. sna cnbi m dn skn."
tapos ako tae!! errr!! cge lang.
i replied with "okay wag ka magalit. southland na ako."

tapos rigth when i was near sm na i asked him where we will meet.. tapos he replied na kunin daw niya muna kotse nya may smiley pa!:)) haha.. napasmile ako bigla!! feel ko naguguilty tong tao na toh! haha.. sbi ko buti naman!! so ayun.. nakita kme sa may bpi then went up na..

We watched ICE AGE 3!! eyey!:) soo funny...:) and yes, hugging him,, having him by my side.. smelling his perfume,, i wanted the movie to last forever..:) being there made all my worries fly away,,;) ganun ko pla sya super namiss..:( gaya nga ng post ko sa FB.. i really missed having to be with him..:( and now that i felt it again.. i got so happy!:) really really happy!!

ohh,, another situation was, on our way home we stopped by this store, kxe he was thirsty.. tapos niloloko ko xa pahingi pambili!! tapos.. parang medyo magagalit na ata sya or mababdtrip xa.. sbi niya.. "dali na. ambaho." sbi ko."okay" tapos i went out the car.. tapos sbi nung nagtitinda wala daw silang mineral water. so pumasok ako ng car. sbi ko "sa bhy ka nlng uminom." tapos.. medyo distant ako.. haha..tapos myamya.. kinuha na nya ung hand ko!! haha!! so i took it.. so hinawakan ko lang.. tapos medyo hinihila na nya.. closer to him!! naglalambing na!! see.. naguilty ulet?.. ahaha!!

One thing i love about him is that,, beyond those mean things he say, the bullying, the hot headed days he has.. i know deep down there, somewhere there, there's this cheezy part of him. The boyfriend who makes me kilig, who makes me happy.. i know he cares.. a lot.. and he loves me..:) im quite pretty sure about that..:)

HAHA. another thing to blog is that!! after the movie, we were off to MCDO to eat! when, i looked at my phone and i got a text from my dad!! saying

"ingat ka aby"

.. aww!! my dad!! i think his jelly!! haha.. yes, i think his jealous that maybe me and empol are really serious about our relationship! haha.. his worried that his little girl might get married someday! to early to say but i know and i feel that my dad is thinking about that!! haha aww.. my dad is so cute!!:) really!! his afraid, i feel it..:)

That's all for now!! i wil sleep now..:) with a smile on my face yes it is!:) ohh and also.. i caught my boyfriend kissing my head/forehead a couple of times!:) and i just love it everytime he does that.. just like the one quote i read..:)

i love the way he kisses me on the forehead because i know he does it because he wanted to.. not because he needs to..:) or something like that..:)

-A