:(

I tried. I was there. But i failed.:(

"Baby i want you back.:c"

That was his text last thursday. Honestly?.. it was all ive been waiting for..:( but then again he failed me..:( he is still not sure if he really really really wants me back. he said he is still thinking about it blahblah..!! Im angry! im mad! im sick! im mad! im frustrated! im confused! im scared! im lost!

I know he loves me. I know he does! but until when will he figure out that he really wants to come back or let go! He is hurting me!! No matter how much i love him and want him back. The pain is too much. hindi ko na tlga kaya.. ang sktskt na..:(( i want to move on,, and i was moving on.. but everytime im there.. he comes back giving me and showing me hope that he wants me back. pero hindi pa rin pla sya sure!! wat the hell!! NAKAKAGAGO na seryoso!!

I guess, he knows na andito pa rin ako for him.. ayoko na.. how can i move on?. how?. please tell me.. d ko kya..:( nahihirapan na ako..:( i try not be.. but i know in my heart dat i still want to be there for him. but the pain is too much..:( i cant take it anymore..:(

he's breaking my heart to pieces..:( ive tried my very will to be happy.:( to go away.. to move away.:( but he keeps pulling me back.:( i know i can move on by myself.. kya ko syang i ignore..:( im sorry for being weak..:( im sorry for getting hurt again.:( im sorry im not strong enough..:( but it hurts soooo much..:( ang skt skt na tlga..:(

-A

just blogging..

We say Love can conquer all. Love is reason enough to stay with the person you love. That with Love, pain can fade away. Love means never having to say you're sorry. Love can make you see beyond the person's imperfections. You stand by that person. You try with your every will to fight for that person. You find ways to protect him from all the judgement people can give him. and just like what Marge in The Simpsons movie said to Homer:

"i did all that because....... that's it.. i just can't find the words to complete that line anymore.."

or something like that!!

Sometimes no matter how much we love a person, the only way to lessen the pain we feel is to let goo.. to fall away.. to take different paths.. even though it hurts.. and just sometimes.. when you find yourself.. you can always find your way back to the person who you really love. Its just about making the decision, following your heart and making it happen. we go astray to find something, to find clarity. and when we find that reason, we find contentment despite all the flaws and shortcomings.. telling ourselves that, IT WAS WORTH IT!:)

I will now move forward.. agen as i have said.. but this time it is for real!! I want to move on.. because i dont want to be left here stuck, hanging, breaking, and falling apart. I want to move on.. because on moving on.. i would learn to love and take care of myself again.. magpapakaselfish muna ako!:) haha.. and when he comes back, if he decides to.. then thank you superfriend for he has chosen to stand by what he feels. but if not, i wont be broken.. because i have started to move forward and will just continue doing so..

I love him.. I still do.. No matter what other people say. My love for him.. it will alwas be something that i cannot forget. He made me happy to the highest level., so far.. :) He has showed me and made me feel loved in so many ways. I want him back.. but i need more than his words,, his actions, his feelings.. I NEED CLARITY.. something that right now.. he just couldnt give me.. all i need is for me to hear him say..

"I LOVE YOU.. IM SORRY. I WANT YOU BACK. IM GONNA FIX THIS. IM GONNA FIX MYSELF FOR US. FOR YOU AND FOR ME"..

but i guess.. his not ready yet. but no matter how much i love him and how much i want him back.. I just can't weyt forever. How much more? how long will it take for him to be strong enough/ to be man enough to find the will to be that person who would be willing to love me again. and that someone who would never be confused again.. i guess we all get to that point where we get used to all of it.. but its just up to us.. on how we handle it right.?

The only pain that i know will hurt me once in a while is that.. When i see couples,, i would always ask myself..

HOW COME THEY CAN MANAGE TO STAY TOGETHER THROUGH EVERYTHING. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.. WHILE MY MAN CAN'T..:(

-A

You'll always be a part of me.. Thank you for making me happy.

-Thank you for everything. You made me happy, very happy, more than you'll ever know. Im taking a step forward, because i have to. Just like wat this songs says.. you'll always be a part of me. So its goodbye now.. I love you so much always remember that. and whatever happens, always remember that you were always worth it.-


Always Be My Baby Lyrics
Artist(Band):Mariah Carey

(do do do dop)
(do do doop do doop da dum)
(do do doop dum)
(do do doop do doop da dum)
(repeat)

we were as one baby
for a moment in time
and it seemed everlasting
that you would always be mine
now you want to be free
so I'm letting you fly
cause i know in my heart baby
our love will never die,no!

you'll always be a part of me
i'm a part of you indefinitely
boy don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
(do do doop)
(do do doop do doop da dum)
(do do doop dum)
(do do doop do doop da dum)

i ain't gonna cry no
and i won't beg you to stay
if you're determined to leave boy
i will not stand in your way
but inevitably you'll be back again
cause ya know in your heart babe
our love will never end no
you'll always be a part of me
i'm part of you indefinitely
boy don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

i know that you'll be back boy
when your days and your nights get a little bit colder ooohhh
i know that,you'll be right back, baby
oh, baby believe me it's only a matter of time
of time

you'll always be a part of me (oooohhhh)
i'm part of you indefinitely (oooohhhh)
boy don't you know you can't escape me (ooooohhhhhh)
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on (and we will linger on)
time cant erase a feeling this strong (ohhhh)
no way you're never gonna shake me (oh baby)
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

you'll always be a part of me (yeah yeah oooohhhh)
i'm part of you indefinitely (oooohhhh)
boy don't you know you can't escape me (ooooohhhhhh)
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby (no no)
and we'll linger on (you and I will always be)
time cant erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me (you & I)
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby (you & I)


(do do doop)
(do do doop do doop da dum)
(do do doop dum)
(do do doop do doop da dum)


you and i will always be
no way your never gonna shake me
no way your never gonna shake me
you and i will always be

Leave the pieces

Leave The Pieces lyrics
Songwriters: Austin, William D.; Hanson, Jennifer;

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair, you know
To just keep me hanging 'round

You say you don't want to hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown?

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You're not making up your mind
It's killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go
Oh yeah, leave the pieces when you go

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go

moving forward

Aug. 12, 2009
I went to mass that our org was sponsoring for the said term. So i went there, talked to god heart to heart. I said dat, maybe he has reasons why he gave me empol.. because he wants me to happy.. and there's also a reason why his taking him away(parang nmty ea noh? haha.. WAG NMN!) so ayun.. maybe he wants me to be strong. and right before the mass ended he texted..

sbi niya usap us..

so after the closing. i replied. i said that

okay wat are we gonna talk about.

then he replied with

Gusto ko personal ea. mamaya nlng kila theo.

kaso the thing is. i wont be going na. zarah wont be going and ayoko nmn pumunta magisa.. so ayun he kept asking why i wouldn't be going na and all.. so ayun..t apos hangang he said na..

sa sat na ung libing.

sbi ko

i dont know if i can come. cguro kung pupunta sila(gstns) then bka pumunta ako.. pero ewan ko pa rin. bhla na..

so ayun.. then he didt reply.. so ayun.. sbi ko sa sarili ko. ayoko magexpect. pero i guess from the moment he said na he wanted to talk to me personally i expected na tlga..:( i cant help it because i still do love him still..:( so much..:( so ayun.. so sbi ko bhla xa.. that same nyt.. nagonline xa.. pmed him.. and this is how our conversation went.

A: hey
E: yo
(matagal ako bgo nagreply)
E: kung may ssbhin po pki sbi nila.. papasok na akong room nilalamok na ako dito.
A: haha. ayun. wat wer we suppose to talk about.
E: wala wala.
E: Nagbago na isip ko..:)
A: oww.. ok
E: ok
A: nagbago?
E: oo
E: change
E: nagbago
A: ahh. okay
E: ok

and then i cried. super cried. kxe still deep in me.. i still hoped na he wanted me back..:( tapos biglang ganun.. nagbago! WTH tlga!! nakkainis.. at that point in time.. super nainis tlga ako!! why can't he just make up his mind if he wants to be with me or not dba!! bkt hindi niya maisip un at mkpgdecide na.. un lang nmn ea.. super i cried then i told edj and geyb, na

i feel na maybe he still wants me to want him back. he wants me to show him that i still want to be with him.

and edj thinks so too.. but i guess. im tired of showing him how much i really do love him.:( sbi ko nga sknila..

ngaun ko lang naramdaman na nakakapagod pla tlga magmahal..:(

and i meant it.. i am tired of showing him that i love him..:( but i still do..:(

Aug 13, 2009
I am pushing myslef to move forward.. no more expectations abby please!! no more.. uve been hurting so much!! no more of this crying and all!! you have to be strong and be happy for yourself.. And just when the night was about to end.. he texted me.. Friends said that i shudn't talk to him na.. i shudn't reply if he txts me..:( but no.. ndi ko kaya..:( i still replied.. sbi ko.. i need to here wat he wants to say.. and it is up to me if i would make myself hope or i would be strong and just talk with him.. so ayun.. i replied. here's how the conversation went.

E: gcng k p?
A: yup y?
E: Usap na tayo.
A: Okay. wat now?
E: Uhm i really want you back pero d ko magawa. :c
A: bkt d mo magawa?:c
E: Kc nahihiya na ako sayo, sa parents mo, sa family mo at friends mo.
A: My parents doesnt know yet, dz wikend q plang ssbhn. Friends, alam nmn nla un ea, its just dat if u realy want to g abck, u just have to show dem na sure kna. u have to prove them dat ur worth it.
E: Pano na yung cousins mo?
A: Kuya den, zhie and ate clich plang nssbhn q. same thing cguro. u just have to prove them dat dz time its gona change. dat ur gonna make things work. and gusto lang nmn nlng laht magng happy aq ea.
E: yun na nga ea. wat f ds happen agen?
A: un nga, wat if it happens agen? dats out of my control na.:c super love kita, and super nhuhurt aq everytime bgla q nlng mllmn na ur feeling dat way out of nowhere. =c
E: Me too. :C ang hirp mag decde
A: Hindi b enough ung love mo 4 me to ignore dat confusion ur feeling?:c
E: its more than enough.:c
A: Are u sure?:C empol, d ko na tlga mkkya f dz happens agen:c ang sktskt kxe ea.:c
E: kya nga iniicp ko kung ano yung dpt kong gwn.
A: Pls do think about it first. then talk to me again wen ur absolutely sure:c ung sure na sure kna.
E: opo opo.
A: okay sleep k na. late na.

There. can i just say.. na super gumaan feeling ko nung nlmn ko na he wants me back.. its not dat umaasa ako.. its just that its good to know that he still cares.. na hindi pa pla sya totally move on. affected pa rin sya eventhough he looks okay and he still does care.. ayun.. im not hoping.. but i feel good.. and now he knows na wala skn ang problema.. anskya.. and that if he wants to make it work.. nassknya yun.. he needs to know kung ano ba tlga..

As for me, im moving forward no matter wat.. no more holding back. if he comes back then maybe its meant to be.. if not, maybe its not..:) bsta i have to move forward.. para ndi ako amsktan.. i love him i still do.. and i know he still loves me too.. pero is it enough for us to still try and risk our fears to make it work. for me i can.. and its up to him to decide..

-A

dont become bitter, become BETTER!

Today.. super i was sabaw..:( 2 hours of sleep because of learpsy paper.. tapos exam ko pa rin dun..:( so super sabaw nung exam ko..:( so today.. super nagreflect ako about us..:( wala lang.. ansaket sket pa din..:(

Napisip lang ako.. na maybe hindi niya na tlga maging ung taong minahal ko..:( sbi ko nga kay edj.. i dont deserve this..:( sbi niya yes you dont.. but mas d mo deserve magstay sknya, if he knows that he cnt do anything about it na, kc ayaw n nya gwn ung dpt..:( hai.. when she told me that.. napaisip ako! true dba?.. mas d ko deserve magstay wer i wont be appreciated..:( oh well. pero sad pa rin ako whole day..:( He texted me pa during p6 lec. na why did pum ask about kung ay thing sila nung girl. haha. sarap sbhin na. eh kxe nmn noh! haha.. pero anyweiz.. i just told him na.. my friends reactions are beyond my control. and hindi ko nmn dndamy ung girl.:) so ayun.. paguwe ko he txted me about theo.. tapos sbi ko nga na bka tom kme punta ni zarah.. ayun.

while i was online knina he pmed me..: ayan..

Mark Paul Terrazola: wat time pala kayo punta bukas
*ah-ah*: im not sure ea. i havent talked to zarah yet pa. ill text her siguro mamaya.
Mark Paul Terrazola: 2 lng kayo punta ?
*ah-ah*: ndi ko alam ea. pero sya plang nkkpusap ko. haha.. the boys will go ata on friday. lala and pum are at ateneo pa. kya aun. ewan ko kung sino pa ksby nmn tom.
Mark Paul Terrazola: dinelete mo ko sa ym mo ?
*ah-ah*: oo..:D haha.. sorry.. bitter. :D inadd na kita ulet oh..:) di na bitter..
Mark Paul Terrazola: ok ok
*ah-ah*: sorry.. :( :)
Mark Paul Terrazola: u dont have to :D
*ah-ah*: okay.:)

f.y.i. binura ko sya kahapon sa ym ko! haha.. kxe nman nahuhurt ako ea! sorry! tao lang! so ayun.. inadd ko sya ulet.. friends na kme ulet sa ym. haha

Kanina i asked geyb. do you think he still loves me? sbi ni geyb yes daw, but he just doesnt want me to get hurt.. he also said na.. he also thinks na he misses me.. and things like that. For me, its a good feeling to know that even though we chose to go different ways we still care.. that he still cares for me..:(

sbi ko kay geyb knina.. when i woke up from my hapon sleep. i woke up sad.. kxe naalala ko ung times na.. pagkagising ko katai ko na xa.. not knowing na he'll be there pla.. ung mga ganun.. surprises na gngwa niya for me.. namagpopop up nlng sya dito sa bhy..:( i just miss the old times..:(

another thing to blog about today is that,, ung sinabi ni ate pao

"DONT BECOME BITTER, BECOME BETTER!"

super nastruck ako dyan.. true,,ayoko na maging bitter. actually i want us to be friends.. we went through a lot.. and we are too good people who loves each other.. sayang un noh! haha.. so ayun.. one step at a time..:) i will be okay..:) its okay to be sad.. its okay to miss him.. but someday i will be okay!:) i know i wil..:)

-A

I am now letting go..

August 8, 2009
our supposedly monthsary. my friends came! and they super made me happy!! YES YOU GUYS DID! Thank you, Pauline San MAteo, KArl Madlansakay, Gabriel Yumol, Michael MAllorca, Michelle Manaligod, Jason Rosal, JEssica Cortes, Ray-Ann Mendoza, Marvie Luz Castillo, and Basil Bote! SUPER THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME SMILE!! that night i super cried.. dhil sbi ko. ayoko na umasa..so itexted him..

A: Can we talk?
E: Okay. Cge lets talk.
A: I want you to let me go na.
E: Why?
A: Kxe its too much to bear na. ayoko ng umasa. i cant take d pain anymore. its super hurting na
E: Okay i understand pero i dnt want to do ds kc nasasaktan dn ako.
A: Wat do you mean?
E: Kung gusto m let go kta cge let go kta kht ayoko.
A: Do you know how much hurt i am? how painful it is 4 me?
E: I know parehas lang tayo nssktan. f i let you go wil it ease or lessen d pain?
A: I dont know. cge, r u sure na u dont stil want me to let go?
E: Yeah hindi pa rin ako nkkdecide
A: Ok. u think aboout it, u think about wat u really really want. as for me, il try to hold on hangat kaya ko pa.
E: Okay . Sorry

That night, amidst all the things i was thinking.. all the pain i felt.. i let it go.. i believed in him.. i put my faith on him.. na maybe there's a reason why he doesnt want to let me go. so ayun.. i believed in him.. and waited.

TOday August 10, 2009..
I super felt na there was something that's gonna happen today. i wore the clothes i wore when we first went out. sign ba yun?.. haha!! at first i was super feeling jealous of her! ayoko na magdrop names! bsta kxe.. they were all over FB! hai.. i got jealous you know why?.. kxe gusto ko ganun sya sken..:( ganun namn siya dati ea.. bat ngaun hindi na..:( and while i was doing some work.. he pmed me..:

Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:54:56 PM): busy ka ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:55:07 PM): not really. why?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:55:11 PM): lets talk
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:55:17 PM): okay.
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:56:06 PM): what now?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:57:08 PM): i think i should let you go na
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:57:51 PM): is that wat you really want?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:58:03 PM): yeah . kasi nasasaktan ka kung gan2 . nasasaktan din ako .
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:58:15 PM): i think hindi na naten mababalik yung dating tayo kung 22loy lng naten to
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:09:23 PM): are you falling for her na ulet?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:09:28 PM): who ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:09:34 PM): kat
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:09:47 PM): nope
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:10:55 PM): kxe nafefeel ko na meron. and i see the old you with her.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:11:10 PM): panung you see the old me with her ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:12:08 PM): kxe ganun ka sken dati ea. the sweet you. the happy you. ganun.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:12:27 PM): panu mo naman nasabi na im sweet pag dating sa kanya ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:13:38 PM): kxe ung mga gngawa mo sknya sa FB ngaun, ganun ka din sken nung sa friendster pa.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:14:04 PM): ginagawa ? anu ba ginagawa ko sa kanya ? FFS ? yun na yung basihan mo ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:15:04 PM): noo.. i feel your happy with her. kxe alamo un lang naman ung gusto ko ea. maging sweet ka ulet . un lang.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:15:38 PM): ikaw nararamdaman mo pera ako hindi .
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:17:05 PM): okay. i just wanted to know.
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:17:23 PM): so itoh na tlga, ur really gonna let me go?. this is wat u really want.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:17:51 PM): yes
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:18:53 PM): okay. then ur free na
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:18:58 PM): u too..

and from then on.. i was now letting go. yes, i cried i was sad.. because a part of me still wanted it to work.. sbi ko nga at sbi nila..

HINDI BA SAPAT YUNG LOVE NIYA FOR ME TO FIX WHAT HIS FEELING.

dba? hindi ba sapat? oh well, mahirap ipilit ang mga bagy bgy.. dapt bukal sa loob.. but infairness to him.. i know he tried.. i know he did.. hindi nya lang tlga kaya maging yung taong minahal ko noon.

TODAY, ABBY IS NOW MOVING ON

. somehow, this is what ive been waiting for, for a long time now.. let go kung let go dba.. somehow im fine now, kxe alam ko na nawala na akong lilingunan pabalik.. the only path for me to take is let go and the next step would be move on.. thats the only path.. NO MORE HOLDING ON. though it hurts but IT IS REALITY. sbi ko nga.. ayokong ipilit ung sarili ko sa ayaw sken. dhil alam kong i deserve more than that! now.. abby is no more faithfullyinlove. she's single! yes, i am single. but ive always loved this blog site. maybe. sooner or later. ill learn to love again.. and be faithfullyinlove again. someday.. we'll see... signing off now..:)

-A

ayoko ng maging sad.:)

Aug. 6, 2009.
I thought this day would pass with out talking to him. but when i went online.. he pmed me..

weirdopot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=031N31B4EvM&feature=PlayList&p=2CE686BFEF61D2D3&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=3
weirdopot: huy
*ah-ah*: yup?
weirdopot: watch na lng yan para sumaya ka konti
weirdopot: na watch mo na
weirdopot: ?
*ah-ah*: yup.
weirdopot: cute no ?
*ah-ah*: yeah.
weirdopot: hirap mo naman kausapin sige wag na nga lng
*ah-ah*: what?.
weirdopot: wala .
*ah-ah*: hai. okay
weirdopot: im trying to open a conversation tas ganyan ka . kaya wag na lang .
*ah-ah*: im sorry. its just that. ang hirap kxe ng gnto ea.
weirdopot: hirap na nga ng ganito lalo mo pa pinapahirap sige next time na lng ulet
*ah-ah*: its not easy empol. super. i want to be okay with you. kaso hindi ko ata kya. kxe ang skt.
weirdopot: then dont . ako pinipilit kong kayanin ikaw hindi ?
*ah-ah*: ang hirap kxe. nagkakaron ako ng hopes. ayoko umasa. ang hirap ang skt.
*ah-ah*: hai. okay. im sorry for being cold. my bad.
weirdopot: night . may pasok ka bukas ah . tulog ka na
*ah-ah*: in a while. dba ikaw diin may pasok?
weirdopot: aaral pa ako
weirdopot: mga 12 na siguro ako tutulog or 1
weirdopot: bahala na
weirdopot: punta na ako ulet room
*ah-ah*: okay. study kna ulet para u can sleep early.

there. In the middle of this conversation, i have realized na ayoko ng maging sad.:) ayoko ng maging malungkot.:) Yes, it hurts so much, watever hapened is in the past. i have to be strong for myself. i deserve more than this.:) abby needs to smile and be happy again.:)

The things is.. i want the hurting to stop..

I want to let him go,, but im just not yet ready to give up on him. im not ready to stop holding on.. but yet, i wont hope for anything.

kung baga.. chill lang.:) haha.. SMILE lang abby!:) Like you always do.:)

Whatever happens happens.:) sbi nga sa a walk to remember..:

MAYBE GOD HAS BETTER PLANS FOR ME THAN WHAT I HAVE FOR MYSELF.:)

Abby will smile again. no more sad thoughts. happy thoughts come to me. Look at the bright side! think positive!:) and just SMILE!.:)

-A

We dont know..:(

August 1, 2009
We broke up.. While the world was crying for Cory's death.. I was crying for a broken heart.

August 2, 2009
He posted ":( i miss." on my Facebook wall.
That night he also texted..

E: still up? :c
A: (nagtxt through sun) hey, wala akong load and ngaun ko lang nkita txt mo.
E: okay. bkt parati ka nlng walang load? at bkt gcng ka pa? wala akong pangreply sa sun.
A: nagpapaantok na rin ako. hindi na ako nagpapaload sa globe kxe wala rin nmn akong ittxt ea. tska kakawala lang ng unli ko kanina. u can reply sa globe ko
E: ah okay okay. cnabi m na ba kila tia?
A: hindi pa ea. hindi k kaya.:(
E; Wag muna. D p nman tau sure n sure e. :c
A: Ang hirap kya.:c to pretend to them dat wer okay wen wer not. kanina nga inaasar pa nla ako syo ea. i just smiled.=c
E: E kase nkkhiya s knila pag cnbi m n wala na tayo ult. nakkhiya yun 4 sure d na aq magpapakita s knila kung ganun mangyare.
A:okay cge i wont tel dem muna. unless wer super sure na.
E: okay. thanks for understanding.
*talked about henry(nakita nya daw and all.. blahblah)
A: empol i dont get it=c ang labo
E: alin? bkt?
A: Us wer do i stand?. so im just waiting 4 u? to be with me or to let me go? =c
E: Hindi ko masagot kc hindi ko rn alam. I have to slip na.:c napikit n mata ko e.
A: okay:c

August 3, 2009
Everyone was asking me if there was another girl. i aid i dont think there is.. but still ang kulet nila! haha.. so i asked him for clarity.

A: Hey can i ask u something?=c
E: Anu un?
A: Do u like som1 else? or my other girl?=c
E: WALA. sobrang wala.:c
A: okay. thank u. i just wanted to know.
E: Okay. Sorry.

So there. cleared. no other girl.

August 4, 2009
Drinking day! Super i wanted to drink! my parents went home na! and super i can release it all out. first: went out with psyc friends at UM.. then met up with blardz! he treated me with ice cream! yummy!! tapos made tambay sa Mixed ave with the boys. Si migs pinainom ako 2 shots! bangag bangag na agad! kxe namn. broken heart + sad +drink =bad equation..:( then went to str8! konting drinks and nachos lang. When i went home with geyb, edj and jess.. super kwentuhan about it. ang sad..:(

Paguwe.. nagdrink kme ni edj.. sleepover sya ea.. super i wanted to let it all out. all through out the night. they wer texting. and yes, i somehow knew. but i told edj dat i dont want to hear it. kxe its just gonna give me false hopes..:(

We kept on reminiscing how happy i was back then. i showed her mny planner.. showing all the dates when we wer together.how happy i was. ung mga surprises i got from him. ung mga efforts nya for me. :( hai.. and then we got to talk about the problem. sbi ko all i wanted was him for to be sweet. un lang.. i also told her how bad i felt na he wasn't saying i love you to me lately before the break up..:( how much i missed the sweet person empol was.:( napagusapan din nmn ung simple things na super nagmemean ng laht.. ung hugs na super nagpapaokay ng laht.. na how much it means when he kisses you in the forehead. na when he whispers "i love you" out of nowhere.. super it means a lot.. sbi ko rin na.. alam mo un.. kht feel mo na love ka nya.. super ang laki ng difference when you tell her and you remind her that yu love her..:( lahat un.. super namimiss ko about him..:(

When we were drinking na. he texted me.

E: Hinay hinay lang sa inom ah...
(i didnt reply.. sbi ko wala akong load. so si edj nalng nagtxt) mya mya he texted again.
E: Lasingera hinay lang ha. Im gona sleep na. Nyt.

dito ata pumasok ung sbi ko.. how much it means to me when he calls me baby..:( oo kay lang skn na he calls me bano, abnoy, kxe makulit.. pero alam mo un. when he calls me baby its like his telling me that he needs me..:( and yes, i miss the way he calls me baby..:( i super miss it..:( cried that night super..:( and ung nagstruck sken na sinabi ni edj is..

"What if hindi niya na kayang ibalik ung gusto mo from him?.. maybe bka ka niya nilet go kxe alam niya sa sarili nia na hindi niya na kayang abalik ung sweetness na hinahanap mo. Pero un nga, nagawa niya nuon.. bkt hindi ngaun?.."

I cried super..:( what if nga ganun..:(

August 5, 2009
When we woke up.. edj told me na empol txted her. sbi ko okay nlng.. when edj left.. super i cried on her shoulders.. kxe super it hurts tlga..:(( tapos hinug niya lang ako.. sbi niya pagisipan ko daw.. and i have to be strong for myself..:(

Out of nowhere.. nagpm sya sken:

weirdopot (8/5/2009 9:49:21 PM): wat time ka na natulog kagabi
*ah-ah* (8/5/2009 9:49:51 PM): 1.30? 2? not sure
weirdopot (8/5/2009 9:49:55 PM): ok
weirdopot (8/5/2009 10:07:38 PM): anjan pa ba si rej sa bahay mo ?
*ah-ah* (8/5/2009 10:08:00 PM): she left na. kaninag around 3 pa
weirdopot (8/5/2009 10:08:07 PM): ah okay .
weirdopot: you want to talk ?
*ah-ah*: about what?
weirdopot: so d mo alam kung anu pag uusapan naten dapat ?
weirdopot: sige wag na lng .
*ah-ah*: im just asking about what. marami kayang pwedeng pagusapan.
weirdopot: sige nga sabihin mo saken yung "madame"
*ah-ah*: ewan ko.. we can talk about us. skul? friends? i dont know.
weirdopot: y do u think na kelangan naten pag usapan ang skul and friends ngayun ?
*ah-ah*: i dont know. im just saying lang nmn ea
weirdopot: okay . i think now is not the time para mag usap tayo .
weirdopot: im asking you if u want to talk tas d mo alam dapat naten pag usapan . sige aral na ako ulet
*ah-ah*: empol. i dont get you sobra.. :(
weirdopot: okay explain ko sayo ng maayos ha para naman gets mo
weirdopot: una . nag kalabuan tayo . nag cool off tayo . nag break tayo . so anu sa tingin mo kelangan naten pag usapan ?
weirdopot: friends paren at skul ?
*ah-ah*: okay sige. then lets talk about us. pwede mo nmn istraight na sbhin na pagusapn ntn ung tayo dba. hindi ung parang nagglit kna agad dian
weirdopot: tingnan mo tinanong nga kta e . tapos d mo alam kung anu dapat naten pag usapan . hindi ngayon ang oras para mag usap tayo
*ah-ah*: er.. okay.
weirdopot: redj told me that ur drinking and crying kagabi .
weirdopot: abby matalino ka , d mo dapat ginagawa yang mga bagay na yan
*ah-ah*: empol. i know, im better than that. but im hurt. i dont want to keep it all inside. and besides ive been holding it all in hangang khapon lang. kahapon ko lang un nalabas lht.
*ah-ah*: kxe these past few days i needed to be strong and just smile for my parents.
weirdopot: okay . pero kelangan bang uminom at magpakalasing ?
*ah-ah*: hindi nman ako super nagpakalasing ea. super i just want it all out
weirdopot: so nalabas mo na lahat ?
*ah-ah*: i dont know. maybe. maybe not
weirdopot: okay . to tell you the truth . i want to end this na .
weirdopot: i want to let you go .
weirdopot: pero there's a part of me na ayaw kang bitawan .
weirdopot: pero honestly i want you to be happy . mas masasaktan ka kasi pag tinuloy naten . pero im not sure . kahit ako naguguluhan
*ah-ah*: maybe should let me go na
weirdopot: is that what you want
*ah-ah*: i dont know. i really dont know. but it hurts so much
weirdopot: kahit ako nasasaktan din .
weirdopot: if you're not sure bket sinasabi mong kelangan na kita i let go ?
*ah-ah*: i dont know. coz as much as it hurts to let you go, its much harder to hold on for nothing. :(
weirdopot: dont assume na ur holding for nothing .
weirdopot: kasi hindi nawawala feelings ko for you
weirdopot: go ahead ask redj. wer texting kagabi until kaninang umaga
weirdopot: i super care for you . im telling her what to do . :(
*ah-ah*: empol i dont know na. :( im super hurting. ang sktskt na tlga.:((
weirdopot: ako rin nasasaktan abby . kasi mahal na mahal kita ayaw kita pakawalan . pero gusto ko rin kasi nasasktan ka na sa nangyayare saten
*ah-ah*: i feel the same way. i dont want to let you go coz i still love you. so much. and i just really want to go back. but we cant., i just want the hurting the stop. and i think na mahirap nmn na ipilit ntng ayusin kung alam ntng walang mangyayari.
weirdopot: what do you mean by we cant go back to each other ?
*ah-ah*: i want to go back to the way we used to be. happy. pero parang ang hirap e
weirdopot: and why is that
weirdopot: bat sa tingin mo mahirap
*ah-ah*: i dont know. :(
*ah-ah*: sbi sken ni edj.. wat if yung gusto ko from you hindi mo na mabalik..i mean. i want the old you back. and she said. wat if hindi mo na kya ibalik un.. parang ganuun.. ewan ko ang gulo. :(
weirdopot: oo i understand redj
weirdopot: kasi pag naging tayo ulet . mag kakaron na ng gap between us . :(
weirdopot: parang mag kakaron na ng doubt at mag aalinlanangan na
*ah-ah*: un din ung sbi ko kay edj. na parang everytime nlng siguro na magiging super happy tayo ulet. hindi ko maalis sken na matakot na bka bukas or the next day after that. ur gonna be confused again. and thats gonna be hard for me.
weirdopot: i know :((
weirdopot: sorry kung nasasaktan kita .
weirdopot: d ko sinasadya to
*ah-ah*: i dont know wat to say.:(
*ah-ah*: empol, let me go na.:(
weirdopot: is that what you really want ?
BUZZ!!!
*ah-ah*: honestly, i dont know. :(
weirdopot: so why do you keep on telling me to let you go
*ah-ah*: kxe nafefeel ko un ung gusto mo.:(
weirdopot: hindi ko gusto
*ah-ah*: then wat do you want?
weirdopot: i dont know .
weirdopot: gusto ko maging tayo ulet . gusto ko rin i let go ka
*ah-ah*: but we need to make a choice. we have to decide. kxe the more we keep on holding on the more its gonna hurt.
weirdopot: okay but do we need to decide now na agad ?
*ah-ah*: i dont know :(
weirdopot: wala ka ba class bukas
weirdopot: late na ah .
*ah-ah*: i have.
*ah-ah*: u shud be going na. i know its your midterms.
weirdopot: oh sleep na late na masyado
*ah-ah*: you shud be studying.
weirdopot: eh ikaw bat d ka pa matutulog
*ah-ah*: i cant sleep din ea. and may gagawin pa ako. u go ahead. im gonna be fine.
weirdopot: anu pa gagawin mo
*ah-ah*: chem journal. i want to start it na today so that hindi ko toh maxado maisip.
weirdopot: ok ok
*ah-ah*: magaral ka na.
weirdopot: tapos na
*ah-ah*: okay. sleep na. i know ur early pa tom
weirdopot is typing a message.
weirdopot: okay . nyt
*ah-ah*: nyt

ang skt..:( im lost.. how can this be happening..:( wer both hurting. and we dont want to let go of each other..:( bkt ganun...:( ang skt tlga..:( how.. i was talking to geyb.. and this words from him struck me..:( its true.. very true..:(

Gabriel Yumol: wht can u say to fix a relationship thats been great.. only to fade away suddenly?

-A

Drift away..:(

E: Huy bano cool off parn tyo? :c
E: Usap n tyo.

*i didnt have load. nakitxt ako sa kaptid ko.

A: hey, i dont have load. i dont know.:c

*nagpaload ako..

A: There, wat now?:c
E: Gusto m pa i2loy?
A: I2loy ang ano?
E: Relationsip ntn.
A: Kung ako tatanungin mo, oo and sagot q. E ikaw, gus2 mo pa bng i2loy to?
E: Feel ko kc lalo ka at tayo masasaktan pag nangyare ult to e.
A: I know. Can i just ask? Kung bkt k confused?
E: I dont know. I promise d ko lam kung bkt?
A: Hindi q kxe magets ea, wer super ok. den bgla kng macoconfuse out of nowhere. hindi q maintindihn kung bkt k ngkkgnyan.:c nagsasawa ka na b?
E: I know. :c kc parang may part skn na nag ssbing wag ko n i2loy kc masasaktan k lang. Meron dn n gusto kong i2loy. sbi nila bka daw nagsasawa na ako kya gn2 aq.
A: Empol, kung ayaw mo na wag na ntn ii2loy. wag n ntng iplt.
E: E pano kung mali magng dcsyon ntn. lets say na d na natn i22loy to. Pero bka kc mali e. Bka may way pa para kayanin to.
A: Wala naman skn un ea, nasasayo. Ang skt skt na.=,c
E: So ano nga pano pag maling d na ntn i2loy panu n?
A: Hindi q alam. =c
E: Pwede prn ntn itry kung mali dba? :c
A: =,c
E: D m cnagot
A: Hindi q alam.=c cguro. Ewan q. =c
E: Okay. Sna ung gagawn ntn n to makaka buti 4 d both of us.
A: So wer breaking up na?.
E: Ewan d ko tlga alam. Ayaw na kta masaktan.
A: Maybe this is 4 d better, im letting u go
E: Wat if mali to.
A: Hindi q alam. Hindi q tlga alam
E: Kung mali to. Pipilitin kong maayos ntn. :c
A: I dont know wat to say
E: Please say something kc hindi ko to kaya mag isa. kung wala ka masabi cguro nga tama to. Kung ganyan ka parati. wala nga patutunguhan to.
A: Empol, it hurts. Super.=c and sktskt.=c i didnt want dz to happen but i gues its d only way.=c my parents are hr, and i dont want dm to c me crying like dz. im hurting sobra..=,c
E: Yun na nga e. Im asking f kung mali to pwede pa b ntn maayos to. Pero d m ko cnagot. Gusto kong itama to .
A: Okay, cguro kung mali to , we cn try to fx dz again. but i really think u need 2 think about wat u really want. =c ang sktskt 2 know na wer super ok, and d next day ur confused. =,c
E: Yan lang inaantay ko. Kung mali to ill do my best para magng tama ult.
A: okay.=c
E: Im sorry abby.:c kaw paren abnoy ko. :c

I didnt reply na..:( ang sktskt..:( super..:( but i think it really is for the better. if we try to fix this.. i know for sure na this will happen again. mahirap ipilt. kxe masasaktan lang ako ulet. ayun. its official.. im single. again. oh well.. ang skt tlgaaaa..:( still crying..:,(

watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nVhAVIMtic&feature=channel#

*read every line of the lyrics..
LYRICS:
Try to make sense of it all
we turn one way and turn away again
Wondering if it's gonna fall
Will we never make it to the end
Were we the start of something great
Were u the only one to shake
The only way i thought that we would go
Did we really put it all at stake
And how do we deal with dreams of could've beens
And lives that we could live
Will you ever see me in that light again
Or will we drift away
Drift away, far away from
Questions we may ask
And doors that we have never opened
Drift away, far away from
Everything we had
walk the road not taken
Drift away, far away from me
Drift away

Will we turn and say goodbye
will we run and say hello again
see the glow deep in your eyes
Will it ever feel the same again
Can we heal the damage done
finally find our place in the sun
Something told me you could be the one
The only one to set me free

-A