Dec. 4 & 5..
knowing he has a new girl.. I admitted to a couple of my friends dat im scared dat dey will work out.. i dont know why.. im not bitter or anything.. but i was scared dat if they worked out wat we had would just be nothing to him..:(
Dec. 7.. Dream 1
dec 6, night fall, i had a dream. We were in a comp lab and i was with my friends.. Theo by my side using the pc.. I was browsing the net and poof.. he came to me sat by my side and talked to me. so while he was talking i just ignored him. he said.."Sa tingin mo ba porket my new girl na ako.. wala na akong pakialam.. Sa tingin mo ba, kapag my girlfriend na ako, i wouldnt care anymore.." and when i was about to cry in my dream i woke up.. saaaaaaaaaaaaaaddd..:(
I was soooo spooked about my dream.. its been so long that i have dreamt of him.. and the most weird part about my dream was, i guess it was what wanted for him to tell me, that eventhough he now has a new girl, what we had was still special and he appreciated all of it..
Dec. 8.. Dream 2.
Again, I dreamt of him.. this time, i was online and then he buzzed me and pmed me pssst.. i just said why? then he said.. "wala lang..:)" then i woke up.. errr!! super i didnt know why i was dreaming this kind of things.. until then, that morning during my chem class.. he texted me.. He said he wanted to talk.. That he has a lot of things to tell me.. I was actually had no plans of replying but my friend ,Marie insisted that i should reply. So there we agreed that he'd pick me up 6pm and then he would give me a ride home.. so there.. I asked Marie what she thinks he will tell me.. She said maybe, he just wants clearance too before he pushes through with the new girl.. That maybe he also wanted what i wanted. clearance between us. So, i was preparing myself for what he would say.. That he just wanted closure and clearance.. I found myself wanting that to happen, but a part of me still hoped that he'll want me back. but i was telling myself that would not happen.
That night, i tried to be strong and wanted to put to my face that he now has a new girl and he just really wanted to talk to me about closure. but then when i saw his profile.. his stat was "AKO NA SI PIGGY DATI, AT GUSTO KONG MAGING SI PIGGY ULET." with that, i didnt know what to feel. i didnt know what emotion i should feel. a part of me said it was too late, but another part was thanking God for making him realize that. so, that night, i super duper didnt know what to do. and what to feel.
Dec. 8,
This was the day i would have to face him.. When before our histciv class, tiff talked to me.. She said that they talked and stuff.. After persef class, he picked me up at southgate.. So, i was waiting for him to talk to me.. but nothing, just pep talks.. when we were in evacom almost near my house, he said that he read my blog.. i was soo shocked that he read it, because one, he doesnt know that i have one. 2nd, my feelings are all here.. so i didnt know how he knew about it, but he said he just accidentally found it google. He said he read my Dec. 3 blog, but i forgot na about what i said back then. so he said that i should read it again and that i text hm after i do so.
I read it again.. and there was a comment, saying that maybe he's not happy with the girl and stuff.. the he txted me.. saying that he was so shy to talk to me because now he knows how much pain he had cost me.. we talked that nigh from texts to facebook inbox messages. I was so relieved that now he knows what i felt.. and i told him all my concerns in taking this chance again.. but i think he was decided that this time IT WILL BE DIFFERENT.
Then the rest will be history..:)
Dec. 21,
We have been spending a couple time together and it seems like its never enough.. because its like he wants to make up for all the times we lost.. i can say that this time IT IS DIFFERENT.. HE IS DIFFERENT. at first i wasn't so sure that it was what i wanted.. that i was happy again.. but then, i found my way back to him.. eventually, i found myself smiling the way i used too.. I guess, i was just really scared that it will be just the same as before, that he'll leave me again.. but this time, i really felt he wanted it.. i felt that not only that he wanted it, but he wanted me back in his life.. Everything happened so fast.. but every little thing that happened in that small span of time was something that not only made me happy.. but it made us happy.. He started to do all those little things again.. and with that he made me feel that he wanted it too as much as i do..
One more thing, i know a lot of people are confused and worried and feels that im wrong to give him another chance, after everything he did to me. But for me, its still my decision to make.. and i dont want to regret something just because i felt that my friends are right or something. I know in making this decision, if everything fails again, im the only one to blame.. but what if it works out.. who am i to say it wont?.. who are they to say it wont?. all i know is that. as of right now, im happy here.. and whatever they say..
im happy.. and bottomline.. its all that matters right?..:)
-A
