at the verge of losing every single hope...

i don't really know whats wrong with me..,, I find GOD very amusing.. i dont usually ask for signs and all.. but this happens very often!.. actually always!! its when, im at the verge of losing every single hope, HE gives me,, actually HE shows me that i have to have FAITH in HIM..:) or there is actually still hope..:)

A few minutes ago.. i was ranting all my thoughts and feelings to geyb.. i was realy so depressed and all.. syempre mostly its all about THE boyfriend.. i dont know why.. but i am so amused in using THE when i am refering to him.. haha.. anyweiz, so there.. i call it "my hinanakit" haha..so there,, one hinanakit will be is his sakit of being a "PA-ASA" boyfriend.. i know my boyfriend tends to be makulit or maloko.. but, its this attitude that i really dont like about him.. andame ng beses na tong nangyayari.. na may ssbhin sya.. like the day before my bday.. sinabi niya na asa bhay siya.. nagmadali pa ako umuwe.. un pla joke lang!! kxe daw miss na daw niya ako!.. tapos.. about the gifts and all.. he told me and to my couzin zhie, na may nabili na xa.. pero wala nmn binibigay sken.. tapos ung isa., khapon..

i was on my way home, when he said that when i get home. buksan ko daw ref ko.. he even told my friend na pahabol niya un for valentines.. pero paguwe ko wala nmn.. hai nakoh tlga!!.. and tuwang tuwa pa xa.. seriously medyo napipikon na ako.. its really starting to get to my nerves. i love him, but this ain't right.. pinapa-asa niya ako sa wala. its really dissapointing seriously.:( ang dating kxe sken ngaun is.. ano?.. kelan na ba tlga ako maniniwala sayo.. would it be real the next time?.. or will be a practical joke again..

this is where my paranoia comes in to the picture.. i fear that im really really being too nice to him.. and im starting to feel that it is so so so so not right.. so, ayun.. it came to me.. that i should really talk to him about it.. so the next time he turns to be THE "PA-ASA" boyfriend again,, ill surely confront him!! I WILL! I WILL!!

So there, right in the middle of my emo moment with geyb.. the boyfriend comes back from the gym and pmed me:

E: huy nerdy
E: ang panget ng pic mo !
A: haha!!
A: muka kang tanga
E: :))
E: im going to sleep na
E: :)
E: sakit ulo ko
E: @_@
A: ok po..
A: magrest kna..
E: text na lng kita tomowy ilove you so much po
E: i miss you a lot
A: punta ako sa skul tom ha..
E: super marameng miss na kita
E: as in super
E: :))
E: ayaw wag ka pumunta dun
E: :D
A: may ganon? haha.. i miss you too po.. muchmuch.

errr.. natanga pa ung itsura ko dba!! sby may nllmng miss na daw niya ako..at may super pa..:| hai.. this is when my eyes started to get watery.. super naiiyak ako.. di ko alam kung bkt..:( my doubts shattered to pieces, and something in my heart made me think that there is still hope.. indi nmn sa nawawalan na ako ng pagasa dba.. pero bsta aun.. im happy he misses me.. i really am..

maybe i cried because, it makes me realize how i miss the weirdo boyfriend i knew before. the sweetness, ung super lambing and all. dont get me wrong.. his still sweet and malambing nmn ea.. pero dba.. iba kxe.. (girls!! you know what im talking about!!) iba kxe nung nanliligaw pa, pagkayo na.. bsta un na un.. i just miss the weirdo boyfriend tlaga.. :'(

err.. ang gulo ng raramdaman ko.. its not that im losing hope.. its also not that im feeling something wrong.. maybe its the thought that our relatiosnhip may end anytime.. err.. d nmn ako gnito dati..:( bsta.. point is natatakot ako.. promise.. paranoid na nga..:(

-A

err... its so NOT okay..:(

i just found out kanina.. that THE boyfriend ain't coming on sat, feb 21st..:( err.. i think,, i say "i think" naman the reason is valid.. but still..:( i really want him to be there..:( look,, all of my closest friends would be there.. all the people i love except HIM..:( err.. nakakainis tlga.. super i was looking forward pa namn on sat..:( don't get me wrong.. im still excited for sat.. its just that.. it would be so much much much better if he was there..:( aww.. la lang.. err.. kainis tlga..:(

i just really wish he could come.. kht super sglit lang.., it would really matter so so much..:(

-A

o2.14 i want my mornings to be with him...:)

My week has been fully booked by dates. and dates. and dates:).. and yes, it was really a fun week.. full of love, laughter and laughter..:) ahmm.. except for one part..:( when a frend of mine lost my ipod..:( err.. i want to get mad at him for losing it!! but i can't kxe nga nde ko kaya!!:( errr tlgaaa!! anyweiz,, im gonna blog about tofay.. today.. o2.14.o9

So there,, i wasn't really expecting anything for valentines.. literally, not expecting anything.. to be honest, bcoz i didnt want to get dissapointed or anything.. so, there.. all i really wanted was to spend time with him.. un lang.. un lang tlga.. but then, last night,

he said, we won't be able to see each other today(o2.14)..:(

i was really sad last night.. sobra..:( sobrang down ko kagabi..:( i thought may valentines was gonna be sad..:( i hoped for the best nlng.. and i thought.. sna bgo sya umuwe dumaan mna sya sa house..:( pero d rn ako masyado umasa.. kxe ayoko tlga madisappoint..:(

6:30 am.. kumatok si ate sa door ko at binuksan pinto.. saby sbing

"beh, andito si empol."

parang ako..

ano?..

andito si empol..

napaupo ako sa bed.. at super blur pa ng paningin ko.. as in kakagisiing ko lang.. naisip ko.. huh?.. seryoso ba yun?..

so actually, akala ko nanaginip lang ako..

so humiga ako ulet.. tapos.. myamya.. may pumasok sa room ko.. and there he was.. pagpasok na pagpasok niya.. nagkulumbot ako sa kumot while uttering the words..

"nakakainis kaa!!" "nakakinis kaaaa!!"..

ayun.. sabay tabi sken and hugged me tight:) naipit pa nga ung flower na bigay niya a.. for the record, its the first flower he gave me:).. soo,, super everything was a blur to me.. i was soo happy he came.. he surprised me again..:) i really love surprises!! especially pag galing sknya.. i am soo happy to be loved by him...!:) so as of 6:30am.. My Valentines Day was officially COMPLETE!!!:) i know his not the perfect boyfriend a girl could dream of.. but its his imperfections that makes him so lovable.. coz despite all that.. once in a while... he gives me reasons to love him even more.. What makes it so special is that.. he doesn't usually do these things.. i mean.. super out of the blue toh.. it was really very unexpected of him to do that.. well im glad he did.. coz it made me so so so happppyyy!!:)

makes me think.. in the future.. i want my mornings to be like that.. i want my mornings to be with him.. i want to wake up to the feeling that the person i love is hugging me tightly and loving me everyday..:)

Let me quote from the CHUCK! series:

Awesome:I know i may seem like mister smooth,
but the truth is i dont have a million moves..
all i know is i love you..

Ellie:i dont need moves..
just the fact that you're trying is enough...:)

-A

Truth about FOREVER!:)

forever was so many different things. it was always changing,
it was what everything was really all about. it was twenty minutes,
or a hundred years, or just this instant, or any instant i wished would last and last.
but there was only one truth about forever that really mattered.
and that was this:
{it was happening}
--
truth about forever
sarah dessen

Our Calendar:
02.01 - We went to his dad's bday party! i had soo much FUN!
o2.o4 - Surprise visit from him:D love it!
o2.08 - 9th monthsary (nagimmersion siya.. balik niya the next day)
o2.o9 - Nagkita kmee!!:D
o2. 10-13 - Retreat niya!!
o2. 14 - Really hoping to be with him!:)

So there, yup, nagkita kme kanina! Pero it was about an hour lang.. kxe he has class ng 430! haha.. he left nga my house around 430 na ea! haha!! It was "i think" for our missed weekend and our 9th monthsary(though we don't really celebrate it) haha!! so there!! my stat right now is..

" but then,, i miss you already..:( again...:("

yeah,, we just saw each other a while ago and namimiss ko na siya agad..:( siguro kasi i know 3 days siyang mawawala and sure ako na busybusyhan nnmn un! haha.. err.. iba kxe ung feeling na alam mo na his just somewhere there or his at home.. you feel/ i feel assured that his safe and all compared to pag wala siya sa bahay..:|

I soo love the quote!! (ung nasa taas!) nagbrobrowse lang ako! den i found that one! We all know that forever is soooo NOT real! haha!! pero with this quote i think it has given justice and has explained what forever is really about!:) and i totally agree!! true true truee!! Truly, the truth about forever that really mattered is the present!:) That it was happening!:) need i say m0re? haha.. as i have said!! I always feel forever when we are together! Most especially when he hugs me!! i soo LOVE the feeling when im in his arms!!:D nothing compares!:) perfect bliss!:) just like heaven!:) cheesy!! soo mushy!!:D its my reality!:) My Happiness!:)

we all can use a little hope sometimes, you know.
that feeling that everything is gonna be okay
and that there's gonna be someone there
[to help make sure of that].
-- one tree hill

soo.. about my last blog..:D i found this quote.. ung nasa ilalim ng pik!:D It is precisely what i needed to hear/read! haha.. and yes.. again,, i agree!! If there's someone there whose making sure that everything is gonna be okay.. Just like my boypren:) and xempre friends(i wont forget you guys!):) then everything will be okay:) everything will fall into its rightful places.. ryt?.. Again!!

Things happen for a Reason!:)

-A

I am afraid that..

for all the girls out there who has been or is in a relationship,, have you ever felt in some point in time that your boyfriend stopped caring?.. stopped thinking about the both of you?.. less texts.. less cares.. less in all.. hai.. well, i know all these things are experienced by couples in some point of time..

Let me enumerate my points why i am scared:
1. I am afraid that im loving him too much.
2. I am afraid that im being so nice! Too nice!
3. I am afraid that im not good enough.
4. I am afraid that im investing too much in our relationship and later get my heart broken:(
5. I am afraid that sometimes i worry too much, i text too much that he might get mad or masakal siya..:(
6. I am afraid that, me giving him space and not texting him not often might let him think that i dont care..:(
7. I am afraid that he find someone better than me.
8. I am afraid that in some point in time he might stop loving me.:(
9. I am afraid that it will come a time that the spark might just fade away.. and we just stop loving each other.
10. I am afraid that we lose that happy feeling when were together. or he starts to get bored when we are together.:(
11. I am afraid that whenever were not together he might find someone else. Especially when his not texting.
12. I am afraid of a lot of things actually, but most of all im afraid of not having to be with him and I am afraid of ,what if one day i wake up and lose that happy feeling of being in love with him:(

err.. whatever this i am feeling i don't like it. I admit, im a little bit of a paranoid when it comes to love. I may actually look happy all the time, but for all you know i worry so much. Sometimes i let the smallest detail creep to my head and taran!! i worry, and worry and worry!! err!! So right now, yes, i admit, maybe i am just overreacting right?.. waa.. but sometimes you can't really hide that gut feeling of yours! err!! This is all his fault, it all started when the cool-off incident happened.:( but, i know i have to learn to trust him again. I need to believe and have faith again!

Actually, okay nman kme nagun ea.. I just really have this weird feeling..:|Sorry, vulnerable. emotional of me..:|For whatever reasons i maybe scared of, i know of one thing. That my love for him is reason enough to stay in our relationship. As long as WE BOTH WORK THINGS OUT,, i know it will work. What does abby need to do? Abby needs to put to action what she tells her friends..

JUST HAVE FAITH ABBY! HAVE FAITH!:)

-A

My brother is the sweetest!:)

"If i were a boy.. even just for a day.. i'd roll out of bed in the morning.. and throw on what i wanted and go.."

One of the boys. Today i got the chance to have bonding time with my brother and his friends, Yuta, Jed and Elias. Well, they just got home from a game where they lost by 2 points. haha. They took over my room because the Pc and internet was available. Sbi ko pa nga..

hello? pink room toh!

haha.. so there.. we ordered shakeys pizza, mojos and chicken! which by the way is soo yumyum!! We were laughing the whole time we were eating because they told funny stories about their games, teammates and even made fun of their coach!. We also talked about their lovelife's! haha.. which by the way is very controversial! haha!! Jed, kept inviting them to play at citysearch.. and my brother said the sweetest words..

"Wait, walang kasama si ate"

aww..:) my brother. his so sweet. he thought empol was coming. because kxe nga sbi niya pupunta xa.. My brother has always been asking if empol would be coming from now and then. i think he likes empol for me. that's why he said that. maybe he was waiting for empol to arrive before they leave. aww.. my brother maybe a little hardheaded. but i know he cares, and he shows it with his own little ways. someday, i want my brother to find someone who'll love him the way he deserves to be loved..:) i love my brother:)

-A

online ba si empol?:)

ill start from the very very very very very beginning:).. last nyt, me and empol were chatting.. and when we said our goodbyes.. he said he missed me.. and he told me.. na uwi daw ako ng maaga bukas(wednesday, which is today)! so he can come over.. but i told him i have a meeting from 4-6. and its impt. that i attend the meeting. so sbi ko, i'll try to leave by 5 if ever.. so aun..

so there, today, nagdissect na kme ng cat! haha!(share ko lang! skinin namen xa! her name is catwoman! haha) so ryt after my last class, while i was walking to our M317, our meeting venue.. i txted him if uwe pa ako ng maaga.. kxe if hindi nmn tlga xa pupunta, ill stay until 6 for the meeting.. so.. sbi nya oo daw.. pero parang i was a little bit unsure na he will come nga!.. luckily, the meeting finished by 5:15! so by 5:30 i was in the car na.. on my way home..! we wer txtng and he said he was still not sure if he could come, kxe late na rin ako makakdating s bhy if ever.. tapos sbi ko sure din ako na di na xa papayagan ni tita pumuntaa kxe late na.. so aun.. tapos, zhie txted me na tambay daw.. kaso car na ako.. so hinde ako nktamby din.. so aun, pauwe, it came to me.. that my body was aching and i was really really tired from the day!! when i got home, i txted him. that i was home na.. den i slept! without even changing!! alamo ung pagod! ako un! haha

i KINDA woke up when he txted me, he said, he just woke up lang din. i wasn't able to reply coz i think naktulog ako ulet.. after a while medyo nagising ako, arj was using the net.. i asked him..

Onlne ba si empol?..

sbi niya..

hinde..

tapos.. medyo nktlog nnmn ako, tapos tinanong ko sya ulet after a while..

sure ka di online si empol.?

sbi ni arj..

hinde. wala tlga..

tapos.. mayamaya.. sbi niya..

ayan ate, online na si empol..

and right after he said that a big arm hugged me!! and he was there!!:D haha!! ea ang position ko pa nun! nakahilata ako sa bed! nakaside view at nakaharap sa may pc! which means nakatalikod sa door and super nakahug and handay sa pillow! kxe super antok and pagod!! haha!! nagulat ako he was there!!! paglingon ko may malaking mama na nakahiga sa bed ko na nakaptong ung arms saken! haha!! pagkapatong na pagkapatong ng arm niya! sbi ko

OH!

tapos sby lingon! sby sbi ko:

oh! bat ka nandto?..

haha!! oh dba! sa dinamidami ng pwede kong masabi! haha ayun! nagulat lang ako kxe na he came! i wasnt even thinking he would come! oh well,, i did, pero super di ko inisip na he would really come!! kxe nga super sure ako na di na xa papayagan ni tita coz it was late na! so, di man lang nga ako nagchange and super hilata ko pa sa bed! haha!! tapos, aun! he came... and he took me by surprise!! for the second time around!:)

the first! hmm.. my bday celebration! jan 26, 2008! he said he wont be able to come! coz his parents had a fight and he doesnt want to make paalam kxe bka mabuntong sknya un galet! pero anyweiz, aun,, he txted me nlng nung nsa labas na xa ng gate ng bahay namn! aun! un ung first, surprise ko from him!:)

haha! la lang!! natawa lang kxe ako! kxe ba nmn sbhin pa ng kapatid ko na "ayan, ate online na si empol?!" tapos nasa likod ko na pla! haha!! kamusta nmn un! haha:)

Surprises!! i love!! See!!

things happen when we least expect them to happen!

Just like what happened tonight!:) and he made me happy:D like that:)

I LOVE MY MARK PAUL!:)

-A

just because its feb 1.:)

o2.01.09.. Tito Igning's 60th birthday!! diddy's dad..:) so there, we met up at sm to buy him a cake.. but then, he didn't tell me that it was gonna be a surprise party!! haha.. so aun.. ung cake ko looks kawawa if tinabi dun sa cake ng dad niya na may design na "marlboro" haha.. ang kyut! again, i met his family and couzins. super kulet tlga ng family niya.. had loads of fun having to spend time with them..=) medyo nangalay ung panga kakasmile! ahaha!! so there.. we ate, we made kulitan with his couzins, we watched a vetriculala watever something tservah haha!! ung may puppet na nagsasalita something! haha.. it was much funnier(watta word) when it was kuya ian(diddy's borther) was the one who was made into a puppet!:) haha.. so there.. ow, his parents are so sweet. ang kulet kxe ni tita ea.. she's game for everything.. ang kyut nila together..:) so aun.,, after the thing we decided to go home na.. kxe its getting late and takas lang ako! haha..:) aun.. we commuted hangang dito sa bahy.. mga 9-930 na ata kme nakauwe dito.. tapos he stayed here till 1030.. haha!! dpt 1015!! sbi ko 5 minutes pa!! then aun!! naextend pa din! haha

heres the cheesy part.. ahmm.. hiya ako! ahaha!!:) so, we all know na nagkaprob kme last week. and it was major and big time. though we saw each other nung friday.. i still felt uneasy and all. nagun ko lang ulet na feel ung

"HAPPINESS"

that i felt way back..=D im happy i felt that happy feeling agen.. i felt assured again and all.. maybe nakadd na rin ung pagspend time ko with his family and all. and also, etoh na!! it was agen the first time for a long time na he was the first one to whisper/ say

"I LOVE YOU.."

to me.. la lang.. medyo matagl na kxe ung last time..:) i missed that for real!:) love it! oh well,, ay today is feb 1 dba.. last year feb 1 din, nung nagkaayos kme ulet after a fight! and we spent time together din dat day:) haha.. la lang!! just remembered.. just because its feb 1!:)

ME IS HAPPY AGAIN! just for the record!:)

-A