at the verge of losing every single hope...

i don't really know whats wrong with me..,, I find GOD very amusing.. i dont usually ask for signs and all.. but this happens very often!.. actually always!! its when, im at the verge of losing every single hope, HE gives me,, actually HE shows me that i have to have FAITH in HIM..:) or there is actually still hope..:)

A few minutes ago.. i was ranting all my thoughts and feelings to geyb.. i was realy so depressed and all.. syempre mostly its all about THE boyfriend.. i dont know why.. but i am so amused in using THE when i am refering to him.. haha.. anyweiz, so there.. i call it "my hinanakit" haha..so there,, one hinanakit will be is his sakit of being a "PA-ASA" boyfriend.. i know my boyfriend tends to be makulit or maloko.. but, its this attitude that i really dont like about him.. andame ng beses na tong nangyayari.. na may ssbhin sya.. like the day before my bday.. sinabi niya na asa bhay siya.. nagmadali pa ako umuwe.. un pla joke lang!! kxe daw miss na daw niya ako!.. tapos.. about the gifts and all.. he told me and to my couzin zhie, na may nabili na xa.. pero wala nmn binibigay sken.. tapos ung isa., khapon..

i was on my way home, when he said that when i get home. buksan ko daw ref ko.. he even told my friend na pahabol niya un for valentines.. pero paguwe ko wala nmn.. hai nakoh tlga!!.. and tuwang tuwa pa xa.. seriously medyo napipikon na ako.. its really starting to get to my nerves. i love him, but this ain't right.. pinapa-asa niya ako sa wala. its really dissapointing seriously.:( ang dating kxe sken ngaun is.. ano?.. kelan na ba tlga ako maniniwala sayo.. would it be real the next time?.. or will be a practical joke again..

this is where my paranoia comes in to the picture.. i fear that im really really being too nice to him.. and im starting to feel that it is so so so so not right.. so, ayun.. it came to me.. that i should really talk to him about it.. so the next time he turns to be THE "PA-ASA" boyfriend again,, ill surely confront him!! I WILL! I WILL!!

So there, right in the middle of my emo moment with geyb.. the boyfriend comes back from the gym and pmed me:

E: huy nerdy
E: ang panget ng pic mo !
A: haha!!
A: muka kang tanga
E: :))
E: im going to sleep na
E: :)
E: sakit ulo ko
E: @_@
A: ok po..
A: magrest kna..
E: text na lng kita tomowy ilove you so much po
E: i miss you a lot
A: punta ako sa skul tom ha..
E: super marameng miss na kita
E: as in super
E: :))
E: ayaw wag ka pumunta dun
E: :D
A: may ganon? haha.. i miss you too po.. muchmuch.

errr.. natanga pa ung itsura ko dba!! sby may nllmng miss na daw niya ako..at may super pa..:| hai.. this is when my eyes started to get watery.. super naiiyak ako.. di ko alam kung bkt..:( my doubts shattered to pieces, and something in my heart made me think that there is still hope.. indi nmn sa nawawalan na ako ng pagasa dba.. pero bsta aun.. im happy he misses me.. i really am..

maybe i cried because, it makes me realize how i miss the weirdo boyfriend i knew before. the sweetness, ung super lambing and all. dont get me wrong.. his still sweet and malambing nmn ea.. pero dba.. iba kxe.. (girls!! you know what im talking about!!) iba kxe nung nanliligaw pa, pagkayo na.. bsta un na un.. i just miss the weirdo boyfriend tlaga.. :'(

err.. ang gulo ng raramdaman ko.. its not that im losing hope.. its also not that im feeling something wrong.. maybe its the thought that our relatiosnhip may end anytime.. err.. d nmn ako gnito dati..:( bsta.. point is natatakot ako.. promise.. paranoid na nga..:(

-A