Pain & Pleasure

Enough is enough. There will come a time when the heart stops hoping that there will be something to look forward too; when the heart gives up on the one thing it wouldn't want to lose.

I admit i have been so stupid to trust him again.. Nov 12.. He txted me.. if i wanted to watch new moon.. i didnt reply.. he txted me again.. d ko daw ba sya kakausapin.. i didnt reply.. he called.. i didnt answer. i went online.. and in my inbox i have a new message.. and this was what it said..

"please here me out.

abby, i want to change. clear na sa utak ko na hindi ko kaya na wala ka. :( usap tayo please? gusto ko sana lumabas tayo pero u didnt reply. :( if kelanagan kita ligawan ulit to prove na im worthy for your love gagawin ko ulet :("

and then he texted me again.. kausapin ko namn daw daw xa.. i didnt reply to any of these.. because i wanted to know on how serious he was about this..:| and just beause ive heard it all before.. all those im gonna fix this shit and all.. i was planning to text him the next day if he decides to contact me again.. but then nothing.. Nov. 14, he texted me again.. so i replied and we talked.. and he said to me the Nth time that he's willing to fix everything.. and so i told him.. please do this because you want to be with me.. because you're ready to face problems with me again.. and that you wont leave me hanging again.. He replied.. he said.."ALAM KO KYA KO NGA GUSTO IWORK OUT RELATIONSHIP NATN." so i said.. "okay, PROVE to me that yo deserve this chance.." and after that nothing. around 9:30 that night he txted.. he ran out of credits daw tapos.. wala daw mom niya kya d sya makashare.! so sabi ko lang. okay tahnk you for telling me.. goodnyt.. the next day.. nothing.. it was the pacquiao game day.. i know he would be watching.. so he did.. after the game.. he txted me.. wala pa rin daw siyang load and free txt lang gmt niya and he's home from watching the game.. sbi ko lang okay.. after that I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE...

ITs been almost 8 days and still nothing.. ym's? inbox messages? fb posts?.. nothing.. as if nothing happened.. and lately.. he has been posting these cheezy status in FB about being in love and all..

And I have assumed that he has a new girl now.. err.. i dont regret giving him another chance.. i dont regret any of it.. i just hate the fact that he CAN'T BE MAN ENOUGH TO FACE ME and tell me to my face that he will stop or he is starting to fall for another.. at least i wont be hoping na he'll fix it.. i at least deserve that explanation right?

I have loved him so much that giving him every chance i could was something that kept me hold on tighter to him. but how many chances do we get before we finally make it right?.. lesson learned here.. every chance.. every opportunity.. we should take it seriously.. because every time we fail or we take it for granted.. something is lost.. TIME.. and time.. we cant go back to it.. we cant save it.. what is now, will be gone in a while..

Today, im giving up every bit of chance.. im closing my windows and doors for him... the pain has become to much to bear.. that i dont know if i still love him.. but one thing im sure of.. i dont need him in my life anymore.. that's reality.. a fact now..

and one question.. when you guys hurt us.. do you know the depth of pain that you have inflicted upon us?.. yes you know you've hurt us.. but do you know how much it hurts?.. do you know how much we would go through for what we want..? do you know how much pain we would endure to have that feeling of happiness?.. how much we would go for or hope for that little bit of happiness?.. i am so amazed on how a girl can give up everything to make things work.. when some guys take them for granted.. ignore it.. and dont even think of what we feel.. wait.. to be clear im saying SOME guys..

In every girl's heart is that pureness of love and hope for happiness that someday she will get.. in time.. she will be the girl who will get that boy and that love she deserves.. and that girl would be ME..

-A