Growing old is a choice.

The last time i attempted to blog was when we made it through our fights. It was one of the worst weeks of our relationship i think. We fought almost about every little thing. It was really hard for me hoping that everytime we said its okay that it will be okay, but i was most of the time wrong. For we got into fight and into another. It was draining both of us. The accusations, misunderstandings, hotheadedness, the shouting(even thought its just through texts or chatting) and the wanting everything to be okay. I almost cried myself to sleep and woke up only finding myself thinking about our fight and end up finding a tear falling from my eyes. It was hard.

Then we finally decided to make things better. We both agreed to see pass through it. That day we decided to be okay, i initiated to go out with him. But then he had to pick up his brother from the dorm, so i said i'd accompany him. On my way to seeing him, i was scared that there would be a gap between us. After all the fights we've been the past few days, it wont be easy to act as if im very happy or that everything is okay. Because underneath the want that i wanted to be with him is the feeling of doubt. I doubted our love, if we can make it through till the end. And yes, up until now, i still ask myself that sometimes.

Will it still be us in the future?.. Will we make it through? Will our love be strong enough? Will he hold on to me? Will he let go? Will i still be strong enough to hold on?..

On the way to picking up his brother, the ride was kinda bit awkward. I was silent because i was thinking and i just cant pretend that im super okay because even though we are i was hurt somehow. So we tried talking to work things out. I just kept on smiling but behind all those smile i know he felt that i was sad.

And out of nowhere he took my hand and he kissed it

. And right there and then my worries melted away. As if he reassured me that everything will be okay, and that he was there loving me whatever happens.

Every once in a while i find myself thinking about forever. About tomorrows and tomorrows and tomorrows basically what and who will i be with in the future. I question our relationship, our love. Will it withstand the test of time? or Will our story of a love just be another chapter of our lives?

Then it comes to me the quote that i got from the interview of Charlene and Aga Muhlach.

"Growing old is a choice."

and i think that is true. We say that the choices we make molds us. And the choice of wanting to and staying with the person you love through thick or thin will always depend on you. Loving someone takes a great leap of faith, trust, understanding, sacrifice, pain, happiness, and a lot more of things. And i guess at the end of this blog all i really wanted to say is that somehow im hoping that we can make it through. We're both not perfect, we have our flaws but after all we've been through i guess there's nobody else in the world i would choose but to be with him. Because with every time that we spend with each other i find home with him. I find that feeling of home. With him.

-A