This is how much i love you, with arms wide open

Almost Everything

Michael Grubbs 2010

Just lay down with me before you go

It's the wrong thing I know

But I don't know when I will see you again

And it gets so lonely

You'd be be foolish if you stayed here now

Maybe if you leave we can work it out

I know the city only breaks you down

And it gets you lonely

Yeah, it's gonna get lonely

You miss the feeling when you step outside

And then your mind comes all untied

And then you open up your eyes

And you don't feel lonely

And it feels bad now but it's gonna get better

Someday

For the past few days, i've been feeling sad, feeling lost and feeling detached. The incident that happened between us before he left for his vacation kept on playing on my head. i don't know why it does, but maybe its because i really really really know for a fact that he shouldn't have treated me like that. But then again, i know there was a reason why, he was down and thinking so much about something. Of course i understand, but i guess the way he treated me was really wrong. because of that, i really got into thinking about things, about us. If i could still go on with it. I started questioning my love for him. Asking myself, how much i love him? how much i'll love him? and how much i will be willing to go through for him? for us. there where a lot of questions running through my head. i was confused.

So why rock a boat and make waves
And everything's coming okay
why am I confused if you love me

Thought this would be smooth sailing ~Undertow

It was something i never thought would happen to me. I went to mass with my family this evening, and while i was listening to the homily, I realized that giving up won't solve anything. and as far as i know, i'm not that kind of person, i would never ever give up on the person i love. especially when i know that there's still something there. During the homily, the priest lectured about the meaning and importance of the Eucharist. That the Crucifix was there to remind us what God is saying to us

"THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, WITH ARMS WIDE OPEN."

And i started to realize from that simple phrase what love should be.

Love is something we give expecting nothing in return and i wanna love like Him, GOD. The purest love a person can give. Unconditional love. Expecting nothing in return. Loving without any doubt. And love by just believing in the person you choose to love. It won't be easy, but when its about the person you love, it will always be worth the try. It's all about taking that leap of FAITH.

I love him, i still do. I always have, and will always do.:) Whatever happens, happens. I have faith in him and HIM. :)

-A

:(

i dont know why but i feel sad.:(

-A

It's all about choosing to stay

Stay with me..

Promise me you'll never gonna leave..

Stay with me..

Lets try to be the best that we can be..

Take our time..

Love. A very powerful word that we all know, we have, we had, we feel. Last March 26, just right before he left for Bora we had a fight. It was just a simple fight, but with everything thats going through i started thinking that i had enough of all of it, of all the crappy fights that we've been going through for the past few weeks.

March 27, we were still not talking. It was the day of the party I organized. Somehow I was hoping that maybe he'd wish me luck on this one, but still nothing. In my head, i was giving him a deadline. if he hasn't txt me up until midnight. It's going to be over. And he didnt text me. Right there and then i was so sure that i would break up with him. At our party, we had Toki he was a tarot card reader. Around after midnight i asked him to read my cards on love. He said,

"masama and masyadong magpakamartyr..

this time you guys are taking some time to think about things..

alam mo sa sarili mo matagal na.. na hindi na magwowork out.. pero pinipilit mo parin..

then i asked, my future pa ba kme?.. No.."

And there it goes.. i saw my life with him over.. that time, i was so decided that i was going to break up with him.

March 28, I wasn't able to sleep well. when i woke up i decided to break up him with right there and then. so i texted him that we needed to talk. i told him i was tired and that im tired of the way he treats me when we fight. and he asked for this one last chance. but then i said that maybe this is for the better. my hearts tired of giving him all the chances he needs to fix us. in the end,, i decided give him this last chance. but for me, everything was all up to him.

And we worked it out. i couldn't be much more happier. He has changed i think. i know he has. up until now, we are working things out, and yes we are better. He is better. Sometimes we still have some fights and all. Fights, worries are inevitable in a relationship. One thing i learned from all of this.

No matter how many fights, how many times you try/want to let go, how many times you get tired.. its all about wanting to stay and work things out with the one you choose to love.

and yes I'm doing that. We're doing that. We're choosing to stay for US. To make it work out. and yes, I'm loving it. It's not perfect but it's all i need..

-A