Kinikilig ako! bakit ba?!

If i have two hearts, i will use the first one to love you,

and the other one to love you more.♥

it's been a while since iv'e posted a happy blog. So let this be one of them.:)

Today, i got a surprise visit from him. Actually, i kinda expected it even yesterday, for he kept asking me where was i, and that what time will i be home. Nonetheless, expecting and him actually coming over is different.

I was printing my chem papers, when the doorbell sounded. No one was answering, so i called ate and told her that "Ate, may taooooo.." After so, the doorbell rang again, I went to check from the terrace who it was. Actually, when the doorbell rang i really had that gut feeling that it was him, but then i kept on thinking that who'd be coming over here at this time. When i looked out from the terrace, i saw his car, and then saw him. I was suppose to call him, but then i ran back inside and acted as if i saw nothing! haha! so when he went up, i smiled and said.. "what are you doing here?..:D" yes! ganyan ka laki ung smile ko..:D haha.. He said, wala lang daw, he came from cavite and delivered some products and just thought of dropping by.

I love surprises. I really do. And this one, this is one of the things that make me love him more. Even though i expected that he was coming over, seeing him actually out there outside my house was something i never expected.:) gulo? haha!! to make it short. I LOVED THE FACT THAT HE CAME. Unplanned. Unexpected. Unforgettable. alamo ung super happy?.. ako un.:) i dont know why, but iv'e never felt this happy for a while now. It's that feeling that even after he left, i got this happy feeling that i can't take off of me. Basta yun na un! Ohh, i remember this feeling, it's like the feeling i felt way back before, when he used to surprise me when he came. I never thought i'd still feel this way again. In short, kinikilig ako! haha.. bakit ba?! haha.. Goodnight everybody!:) ay Goodmorning!:)

Happy to be in love..:)

-A

Attention

"Very little is needed to make a happy life;

it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking"

~ Marcus Aurelius

His home. After almost three weeks of being apart, we've finally seen each other again. He arrived yesterday at exactly 5:38am(as he said). After school, i went home early so that we could be able to spend some time together. And he didn't fail me with this, after he woke up from resting, he came over to my house.

We watched tv, made our kulitans, cuddling, eating our favorite date food = pizza and we fell asleep because he wasn't really feeling well. I guess it was from his trip. I missed him so much that just having him beside me was more than enough. I had fun being him. I always do! I just love spending my time, wasting time with him.

That was yesterday, and today i already miss him. It's just not the same anymore. I don't know why but when we're apart, i have a tendency to go all sad. I feel alone, feel sad, feel detached, and just i feel like i'm drifting away. There are times that he's overly sweet, caring and expressive of his love, but it never fails, that there will come a time that he makes me feel that he's starting to care less and less. Like today, I texted him good morning, he didn't reply. I just thought that maybe maybe his busy with thesis. But then i texted him again, and i told him that he wasn't texting, He replied, he said that he had no load earlier today that's why he wasn't able to reply. So i said okay, just text me when you have load na. And his reply was, he has already load na daw, nagpaload daw kasi siya. Parang ako, so kung hindi pa kita tnxt ndi ko malalaman na may load na siya. And then, i found out that he was at his friends house, making tambay. So okay, i told him to text me when his home already.

Later on, I saw him online on YM, i pm-ed him, and i asked him where he is na. And he told me his home already, uhmm.. what happened to "text me when your home na.|" soo okaaaay!! i pm-ed him once again, that i'll go out for a while, and he said okay. When i got back, he's not online anymore, and he didn't even leave me with a single message telling me what now.

Its hard, falling between the lines of understanding and demanding. It's hard, because i'm not the type of person who demands, even though i want things the other way around. And i'm also not the type of person who's pushy, that ill push myself to him. It's hard BECAUSE I WANT HIS ATTENTION so much!! I WANT IT TOO BAD..:( Even just a little of it, with love and care.

It's just a phase, it's just a phase, that's what i put in my mind. Hoping that everything will be alright. I know it will. I hope it will.:(

-A

This is how much i love you, with arms wide open

Almost Everything

Michael Grubbs 2010

Just lay down with me before you go

It's the wrong thing I know

But I don't know when I will see you again

And it gets so lonely

You'd be be foolish if you stayed here now

Maybe if you leave we can work it out

I know the city only breaks you down

And it gets you lonely

Yeah, it's gonna get lonely

You miss the feeling when you step outside

And then your mind comes all untied

And then you open up your eyes

And you don't feel lonely

And it feels bad now but it's gonna get better

Someday

For the past few days, i've been feeling sad, feeling lost and feeling detached. The incident that happened between us before he left for his vacation kept on playing on my head. i don't know why it does, but maybe its because i really really really know for a fact that he shouldn't have treated me like that. But then again, i know there was a reason why, he was down and thinking so much about something. Of course i understand, but i guess the way he treated me was really wrong. because of that, i really got into thinking about things, about us. If i could still go on with it. I started questioning my love for him. Asking myself, how much i love him? how much i'll love him? and how much i will be willing to go through for him? for us. there where a lot of questions running through my head. i was confused.

So why rock a boat and make waves
And everything's coming okay
why am I confused if you love me

Thought this would be smooth sailing ~Undertow

It was something i never thought would happen to me. I went to mass with my family this evening, and while i was listening to the homily, I realized that giving up won't solve anything. and as far as i know, i'm not that kind of person, i would never ever give up on the person i love. especially when i know that there's still something there. During the homily, the priest lectured about the meaning and importance of the Eucharist. That the Crucifix was there to remind us what God is saying to us

"THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, WITH ARMS WIDE OPEN."

And i started to realize from that simple phrase what love should be.

Love is something we give expecting nothing in return and i wanna love like Him, GOD. The purest love a person can give. Unconditional love. Expecting nothing in return. Loving without any doubt. And love by just believing in the person you choose to love. It won't be easy, but when its about the person you love, it will always be worth the try. It's all about taking that leap of FAITH.

I love him, i still do. I always have, and will always do.:) Whatever happens, happens. I have faith in him and HIM. :)

-A