at the verge of losing every single hope...

i don't really know whats wrong with me..,, I find GOD very amusing.. i dont usually ask for signs and all.. but this happens very often!.. actually always!! its when, im at the verge of losing every single hope, HE gives me,, actually HE shows me that i have to have FAITH in HIM..:) or there is actually still hope..:)

A few minutes ago.. i was ranting all my thoughts and feelings to geyb.. i was realy so depressed and all.. syempre mostly its all about THE boyfriend.. i dont know why.. but i am so amused in using THE when i am refering to him.. haha.. anyweiz, so there.. i call it "my hinanakit" haha..so there,, one hinanakit will be is his sakit of being a "PA-ASA" boyfriend.. i know my boyfriend tends to be makulit or maloko.. but, its this attitude that i really dont like about him.. andame ng beses na tong nangyayari.. na may ssbhin sya.. like the day before my bday.. sinabi niya na asa bhay siya.. nagmadali pa ako umuwe.. un pla joke lang!! kxe daw miss na daw niya ako!.. tapos.. about the gifts and all.. he told me and to my couzin zhie, na may nabili na xa.. pero wala nmn binibigay sken.. tapos ung isa., khapon..

i was on my way home, when he said that when i get home. buksan ko daw ref ko.. he even told my friend na pahabol niya un for valentines.. pero paguwe ko wala nmn.. hai nakoh tlga!!.. and tuwang tuwa pa xa.. seriously medyo napipikon na ako.. its really starting to get to my nerves. i love him, but this ain't right.. pinapa-asa niya ako sa wala. its really dissapointing seriously.:( ang dating kxe sken ngaun is.. ano?.. kelan na ba tlga ako maniniwala sayo.. would it be real the next time?.. or will be a practical joke again..

this is where my paranoia comes in to the picture.. i fear that im really really being too nice to him.. and im starting to feel that it is so so so so not right.. so, ayun.. it came to me.. that i should really talk to him about it.. so the next time he turns to be THE "PA-ASA" boyfriend again,, ill surely confront him!! I WILL! I WILL!!

So there, right in the middle of my emo moment with geyb.. the boyfriend comes back from the gym and pmed me:

E: huy nerdy
E: ang panget ng pic mo !
A: haha!!
A: muka kang tanga
E: :))
E: im going to sleep na
E: :)
E: sakit ulo ko
E: @_@
A: ok po..
A: magrest kna..
E: text na lng kita tomowy ilove you so much po
E: i miss you a lot
A: punta ako sa skul tom ha..
E: super marameng miss na kita
E: as in super
E: :))
E: ayaw wag ka pumunta dun
E: :D
A: may ganon? haha.. i miss you too po.. muchmuch.

errr.. natanga pa ung itsura ko dba!! sby may nllmng miss na daw niya ako..at may super pa..:| hai.. this is when my eyes started to get watery.. super naiiyak ako.. di ko alam kung bkt..:( my doubts shattered to pieces, and something in my heart made me think that there is still hope.. indi nmn sa nawawalan na ako ng pagasa dba.. pero bsta aun.. im happy he misses me.. i really am..

maybe i cried because, it makes me realize how i miss the weirdo boyfriend i knew before. the sweetness, ung super lambing and all. dont get me wrong.. his still sweet and malambing nmn ea.. pero dba.. iba kxe.. (girls!! you know what im talking about!!) iba kxe nung nanliligaw pa, pagkayo na.. bsta un na un.. i just miss the weirdo boyfriend tlaga.. :'(

err.. ang gulo ng raramdaman ko.. its not that im losing hope.. its also not that im feeling something wrong.. maybe its the thought that our relatiosnhip may end anytime.. err.. d nmn ako gnito dati..:( bsta.. point is natatakot ako.. promise.. paranoid na nga..:(

-A

err... its so NOT okay..:(

i just found out kanina.. that THE boyfriend ain't coming on sat, feb 21st..:( err.. i think,, i say "i think" naman the reason is valid.. but still..:( i really want him to be there..:( look,, all of my closest friends would be there.. all the people i love except HIM..:( err.. nakakainis tlga.. super i was looking forward pa namn on sat..:( don't get me wrong.. im still excited for sat.. its just that.. it would be so much much much better if he was there..:( aww.. la lang.. err.. kainis tlga..:(

i just really wish he could come.. kht super sglit lang.., it would really matter so so much..:(

-A

o2.14 i want my mornings to be with him...:)

My week has been fully booked by dates. and dates. and dates:).. and yes, it was really a fun week.. full of love, laughter and laughter..:) ahmm.. except for one part..:( when a frend of mine lost my ipod..:( err.. i want to get mad at him for losing it!! but i can't kxe nga nde ko kaya!!:( errr tlgaaa!! anyweiz,, im gonna blog about tofay.. today.. o2.14.o9

So there,, i wasn't really expecting anything for valentines.. literally, not expecting anything.. to be honest, bcoz i didnt want to get dissapointed or anything.. so, there.. all i really wanted was to spend time with him.. un lang.. un lang tlga.. but then, last night,

he said, we won't be able to see each other today(o2.14)..:(

i was really sad last night.. sobra..:( sobrang down ko kagabi..:( i thought may valentines was gonna be sad..:( i hoped for the best nlng.. and i thought.. sna bgo sya umuwe dumaan mna sya sa house..:( pero d rn ako masyado umasa.. kxe ayoko tlga madisappoint..:(

6:30 am.. kumatok si ate sa door ko at binuksan pinto.. saby sbing

"beh, andito si empol."

parang ako..

ano?..

andito si empol..

napaupo ako sa bed.. at super blur pa ng paningin ko.. as in kakagisiing ko lang.. naisip ko.. huh?.. seryoso ba yun?..

so actually, akala ko nanaginip lang ako..

so humiga ako ulet.. tapos.. myamya.. may pumasok sa room ko.. and there he was.. pagpasok na pagpasok niya.. nagkulumbot ako sa kumot while uttering the words..

"nakakainis kaa!!" "nakakinis kaaaa!!"..

ayun.. sabay tabi sken and hugged me tight:) naipit pa nga ung flower na bigay niya a.. for the record, its the first flower he gave me:).. soo,, super everything was a blur to me.. i was soo happy he came.. he surprised me again..:) i really love surprises!! especially pag galing sknya.. i am soo happy to be loved by him...!:) so as of 6:30am.. My Valentines Day was officially COMPLETE!!!:) i know his not the perfect boyfriend a girl could dream of.. but its his imperfections that makes him so lovable.. coz despite all that.. once in a while... he gives me reasons to love him even more.. What makes it so special is that.. he doesn't usually do these things.. i mean.. super out of the blue toh.. it was really very unexpected of him to do that.. well im glad he did.. coz it made me so so so happppyyy!!:)

makes me think.. in the future.. i want my mornings to be like that.. i want my mornings to be with him.. i want to wake up to the feeling that the person i love is hugging me tightly and loving me everyday..:)

Let me quote from the CHUCK! series:

Awesome:I know i may seem like mister smooth,
but the truth is i dont have a million moves..
all i know is i love you..

Ellie:i dont need moves..
just the fact that you're trying is enough...:)

-A