Need.

Today is March 21, i'm sick and i should be resting, but i just can't take my mind off our fight. Lately I've been really feeling detached. Yesterday, my nerves got into me and i was really pissed off at him. He wasn't texting, i knew he had his exams but then how about after that. And then it came to me that maybe he has no credits anymore.. but then, whats an effort na makitxt xa para malaman ko.. I was really feeling ill and bad yesterday and my emotions were getting into me. around 10:45 he txted and he said na "Baby pagaling ka ngaun lang ako nagkaload. sorry tlga." okay, i was kinda relieved that he tried to txt me.. but it came to me, was it enough?.. i dont know.. maybe im too shallow but im looking for the sad faces in his txt or something. so then i replied and i was really cold.

I went online in facebook and he was online too. and he wasnt pm-ing me.. so okay so be it.. i logged out.. he texted and he was a bit mad.. like nagpm daw xa tapos sby nilogoutan ko daw xa.. but the truth is, i didn't see his pm.. my net was so lag dat his message didn't pop out.. i said i wasnt badtrip and d ko lang nakita ung message nya.. and then he said.. kung hindi daw ako badtrip bat daw ako ganun magtxt.. bhala daw ako kung galit ako or nagtatampo. so i started.. im not mad.. nagtatampo maybe.. and i told him dat i was feeling dat he cared less. and then he said dat wat happened to 1 txt lang okay na.. okay i get it, okay lang naman ung 1 txt lang ea.. pero hello, sana man lang he shows na he still cares about my life. oo nga magttxt sya but then he pushes me around. okay normal na un sknya pero should i just accept it even though im hurting. i dont know.. im not a demanding person.. but i have my needs.. i need to feel that im loved and dat he needs me.. and dat he wants me to be a part of his life and that he wants me to be a part of his.. im feeling detached. i dont know where should i go.. should i stay?.. should i go?.. i love him so much.. but its so hard that im always adjusting my feelings for him.. i love him soo soo much.. but that's not enough to make me happy..:( i need him to make me feel he needs me.. coz lately i dont feel that.. parang okay ittxt nya lang ako just because he needs to.. not because he wants to..:(

im lost. i dont know wat to do. i want it to work out. but i cant always cross my half of the bridge and his just to be with him.. wat happend to meeting half way?.. wat happened to compromise..?:( i need him to make me feel that we still have it.. that he still wants me..:( needs me..:(

-A