lost feeling..

"And I-I-I'm in Love.. And I-I-I'm terrified for the first time and the last time in my only life..♥"

Why is it that when we fall in love it comes to a point where we get scared?.. where we get terrified..? and come to think of it.. we shouldn't be.. But that's the thing about being in a relationship and falling in love.. when you love someone, you just don't love the good stuff.. but you must learn how to love the whole package that comes with it.. and it's all about staying through the good and bad times.. Easy to say but hard to do..

The hardest part of being in love is when you start feeling unappreciated, when you start to feel that you're being ignored, the feeling that you're not needed any more.. the feeling when it seems like he doesn't care anymore. I've been there so many times.. and it's really hard to have all that faith in him when he makes you feel this way..

Today is March 14 already.. somewhere along the road i lost track of this entry.. and up until now.. i see myself still on the same road.. This morning i posted a quote on my tumblr from my favorite series.. oth..

“We go days without having a meaningful conversation. And, I used to miss you so much when that happened, but it never seemed like you missed me, and I guess because of it I stopped missing you.”

— One Tree Hill

It's what i'm feeling right now..:( sad to say but it is..:( i dont know why.:( it feels like i got tired of being strong.. i got tired of always understanding.. i know he is making an effort.. but somehow i'm feeling its not enough..:( sometimes i miss him so much and i do want to talk to him.. but everytime i do.. he pushes me around. bullies me.. its alright with me naman ea.. pero sana not always.:( i really hate it when he pushes me around.. i know he's just fooling around but sometimes its just really too much.. sometimes just knowing the fact that he'll just push me around makes me stop and think twice on talking to him.. because its like he doesnt care.. err.. im lost.. and i dont know where i stand.. i know i love him.. but i i've been feeling this way for about a couple of weeks now.. after a few weeks of not seeing each other, he finally finds the time to see me for an hour or so.. and i know its enough for me.. but when he leaves.. i always feel that there's something missing.. may kulang.. there's no long lasting feeling anymore..:( i missed that.. the way i used to feel so happy everytime we part ways.. how magical it made me feel to have him loving me.. but now i seem to have lost that feeling..:(

-A