I am now letting go..

August 8, 2009
our supposedly monthsary. my friends came! and they super made me happy!! YES YOU GUYS DID! Thank you, Pauline San MAteo, KArl Madlansakay, Gabriel Yumol, Michael MAllorca, Michelle Manaligod, Jason Rosal, JEssica Cortes, Ray-Ann Mendoza, Marvie Luz Castillo, and Basil Bote! SUPER THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME SMILE!! that night i super cried.. dhil sbi ko. ayoko na umasa..so itexted him..

A: Can we talk?
E: Okay. Cge lets talk.
A: I want you to let me go na.
E: Why?
A: Kxe its too much to bear na. ayoko ng umasa. i cant take d pain anymore. its super hurting na
E: Okay i understand pero i dnt want to do ds kc nasasaktan dn ako.
A: Wat do you mean?
E: Kung gusto m let go kta cge let go kta kht ayoko.
A: Do you know how much hurt i am? how painful it is 4 me?
E: I know parehas lang tayo nssktan. f i let you go wil it ease or lessen d pain?
A: I dont know. cge, r u sure na u dont stil want me to let go?
E: Yeah hindi pa rin ako nkkdecide
A: Ok. u think aboout it, u think about wat u really really want. as for me, il try to hold on hangat kaya ko pa.
E: Okay . Sorry

That night, amidst all the things i was thinking.. all the pain i felt.. i let it go.. i believed in him.. i put my faith on him.. na maybe there's a reason why he doesnt want to let me go. so ayun.. i believed in him.. and waited.

TOday August 10, 2009..
I super felt na there was something that's gonna happen today. i wore the clothes i wore when we first went out. sign ba yun?.. haha!! at first i was super feeling jealous of her! ayoko na magdrop names! bsta kxe.. they were all over FB! hai.. i got jealous you know why?.. kxe gusto ko ganun sya sken..:( ganun namn siya dati ea.. bat ngaun hindi na..:( and while i was doing some work.. he pmed me..:

Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:54:56 PM): busy ka ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:55:07 PM): not really. why?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:55:11 PM): lets talk
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:55:17 PM): okay.
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:56:06 PM): what now?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:57:08 PM): i think i should let you go na
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 9:57:51 PM): is that wat you really want?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:58:03 PM): yeah . kasi nasasaktan ka kung gan2 . nasasaktan din ako .
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 9:58:15 PM): i think hindi na naten mababalik yung dating tayo kung 22loy lng naten to
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:09:23 PM): are you falling for her na ulet?
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:09:28 PM): who ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:09:34 PM): kat
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:09:47 PM): nope
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:10:55 PM): kxe nafefeel ko na meron. and i see the old you with her.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:11:10 PM): panung you see the old me with her ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:12:08 PM): kxe ganun ka sken dati ea. the sweet you. the happy you. ganun.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:12:27 PM): panu mo naman nasabi na im sweet pag dating sa kanya ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:13:38 PM): kxe ung mga gngawa mo sknya sa FB ngaun, ganun ka din sken nung sa friendster pa.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:14:04 PM): ginagawa ? anu ba ginagawa ko sa kanya ? FFS ? yun na yung basihan mo ?
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:15:04 PM): noo.. i feel your happy with her. kxe alamo un lang naman ung gusto ko ea. maging sweet ka ulet . un lang.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:15:38 PM): ikaw nararamdaman mo pera ako hindi .
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:17:05 PM): okay. i just wanted to know.
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:17:23 PM): so itoh na tlga, ur really gonna let me go?. this is wat u really want.
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:17:51 PM): yes
*ah-ah* (8/10/2009 10:18:53 PM): okay. then ur free na
Mark Paul Terrazola (8/10/2009 10:18:58 PM): u too..

and from then on.. i was now letting go. yes, i cried i was sad.. because a part of me still wanted it to work.. sbi ko nga at sbi nila..

HINDI BA SAPAT YUNG LOVE NIYA FOR ME TO FIX WHAT HIS FEELING.

dba? hindi ba sapat? oh well, mahirap ipilit ang mga bagy bgy.. dapt bukal sa loob.. but infairness to him.. i know he tried.. i know he did.. hindi nya lang tlga kaya maging yung taong minahal ko noon.

TODAY, ABBY IS NOW MOVING ON

. somehow, this is what ive been waiting for, for a long time now.. let go kung let go dba.. somehow im fine now, kxe alam ko na nawala na akong lilingunan pabalik.. the only path for me to take is let go and the next step would be move on.. thats the only path.. NO MORE HOLDING ON. though it hurts but IT IS REALITY. sbi ko nga.. ayokong ipilit ung sarili ko sa ayaw sken. dhil alam kong i deserve more than that! now.. abby is no more faithfullyinlove. she's single! yes, i am single. but ive always loved this blog site. maybe. sooner or later. ill learn to love again.. and be faithfullyinlove again. someday.. we'll see... signing off now..:)

-A