old pictures

.... i'm finding comfort in our old pictures..:(

... we used to be this happy..:(

-A

What's happening to us?..

With every fight.. with every misunderstanding..

.... you're starting to lose me..:(

i know in a relationship, having a fight is normal.. but this time.. why does it feel that its not..? we're starting to fight about the simplest things in our relationship. i'm feeling that his patience with me is getting shorter as the days go by. He gets irritated more often about things i do. and the moment he confronts me about. He's mad already, as in super mad. What happened to our everyday love happy endings..? i don't feel that way anymore. i'm losing it again.. after our fight, i rushed into my cr and cried.. thinking if it's still really worth it.. is it?.. i'm feeling detached of what we had and what we have right now.. i know i love him i do.. but my feelings are starting to get crushed day by day when we fight..:( why is that?.. sometimes i think that maybe he's starting to care less about what i feel, but i also know that he can't be that heartless.. He has a heart,, a good one.. i saw it before and i fell in love with it.. sometimes it comes to me that maybe he's just really somewhat immature that he can't see the sense behind my part.. i'm really lost..

My friend told me.. "kung di mo na tlga kaya.. wag mo na ipilit.. Magiging okay kyo..tapos after some time.. ganun nnmn.. ndi ka pa ba napapagd?."

i answered.. "i dont know..:( pagod na.. pero okay nanmn kme ulet ea.. ill fight for it.. habang kaya ko pa.. i still think its worth it pa naman ea.. ill fight for it habang alam kong its still worth it.."

Is it still worth it?.. to be just okay with everything?.. maybe this is just a test.. superfriend.. make me strong..:(

errrr.. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO US?..:(

-A

Scared

Sometimes i find myself strong. I see myself strong enough to let go.. Strong enough to be alone.. Far better off single.. but then it came to me.. maybe im not..:( and now im finding myself scared..:( i think the reason why i find the courage to be strong enough to let go is that.. i dont want to be left anymore..:( its like

"uunahan ko na xa, bago niya ako iwan.."..

maybe its wrong, but when i think of the moment he'll tell me that once again, HE's LOST AGAIN, CONFUSED.. it will really break my heart into pieces..:( because the moment i know he decides to give up on us it will hurt my heart like hell.. so im giving up on us first before he does..:(

As of right now, im waiting for him to tell me he wants to stay with me.. im not asking him to totally change himself.. i myself is not perfect.. but i try my best to walk my side of the bridge for him..

and maybe that's the only thing i need to know right now.. that he'll try to for me..:(

and now, im scared that he'll give up just because he's tired of trying..:( i dont know how i can take that.:( knowing he gave up because he got tired of trying will hurt the hell out of me.. and its scaring the hell out of me right now..:(

-A

Reality

“Anyone can easily walk away from somebody else. Nobody is forced to stay; we all have choices. The real test is if someone would rather stay with you, even though walking away could be so much easier.”

~ i dont know why.. but i still want to stay..:(

-A

Need.

Today is March 21, i'm sick and i should be resting, but i just can't take my mind off our fight. Lately I've been really feeling detached. Yesterday, my nerves got into me and i was really pissed off at him. He wasn't texting, i knew he had his exams but then how about after that. And then it came to me that maybe he has no credits anymore.. but then, whats an effort na makitxt xa para malaman ko.. I was really feeling ill and bad yesterday and my emotions were getting into me. around 10:45 he txted and he said na "Baby pagaling ka ngaun lang ako nagkaload. sorry tlga." okay, i was kinda relieved that he tried to txt me.. but it came to me, was it enough?.. i dont know.. maybe im too shallow but im looking for the sad faces in his txt or something. so then i replied and i was really cold.

I went online in facebook and he was online too. and he wasnt pm-ing me.. so okay so be it.. i logged out.. he texted and he was a bit mad.. like nagpm daw xa tapos sby nilogoutan ko daw xa.. but the truth is, i didn't see his pm.. my net was so lag dat his message didn't pop out.. i said i wasnt badtrip and d ko lang nakita ung message nya.. and then he said.. kung hindi daw ako badtrip bat daw ako ganun magtxt.. bhala daw ako kung galit ako or nagtatampo. so i started.. im not mad.. nagtatampo maybe.. and i told him dat i was feeling dat he cared less. and then he said dat wat happened to 1 txt lang okay na.. okay i get it, okay lang naman ung 1 txt lang ea.. pero hello, sana man lang he shows na he still cares about my life. oo nga magttxt sya but then he pushes me around. okay normal na un sknya pero should i just accept it even though im hurting. i dont know.. im not a demanding person.. but i have my needs.. i need to feel that im loved and dat he needs me.. and dat he wants me to be a part of his life and that he wants me to be a part of his.. im feeling detached. i dont know where should i go.. should i stay?.. should i go?.. i love him so much.. but its so hard that im always adjusting my feelings for him.. i love him soo soo much.. but that's not enough to make me happy..:( i need him to make me feel he needs me.. coz lately i dont feel that.. parang okay ittxt nya lang ako just because he needs to.. not because he wants to..:(

im lost. i dont know wat to do. i want it to work out. but i cant always cross my half of the bridge and his just to be with him.. wat happend to meeting half way?.. wat happened to compromise..?:( i need him to make me feel that we still have it.. that he still wants me..:( needs me..:(

-A