why does it have to be this way?.

It's been a rough night.:( I'm hurt on how things worked out between him and my friends.:( why does it have to be this way?.. i love him i do.. but i love my friends too.. Do i really have to choose?..

I will be resting for now.. im really tired, physically and emotionally.. i just hope everything gets better.

-A

Love Overload

Too much cheesyness... Too much Love.. Too much of kesooo.. but i like it soo much!:) It's been obvious lately that my boyfriend has been over cheezy, don't get me wrong but i like this version of him. I just realy hope it wont just fade away that quickly. Starting today, his going to be over busy because his going to start his revisions for thesis. That's fine with me, of course I understand that, he promised me that after that we'll be spending time together. He also said that his mom has been telling him to start working as soon as his finish with his thesis, and he told me that we'll be spending some time muna before he starts working. And he even promised me that he'll visit me when he has time.

I like this kind of moments when he tells me rather shows me that no matter how busy he will be, he'll think of me. And this shows that he really cares. Its the assurance of love. That things may change, we both might get busy but it's telling each other that we really want to be with each other besides that. I watched Hachiko last friday, and there was a scene when the father was asking the guy if he loves her daughter, and of course he said yes and the father told the son that, "Remember that, you love her, that's what you're going to think of during bad times." Truly, sometimes its all about choosing to say for the one you love.

I had made the picture on date week my profile pic for my facebook and yahoo but then my boyfriend got jealous and told me he wants one too. So i made him one.:) It's a good feeling when you're constantly reminded that you're loved and being miss. And i'm actually feeling that right now. All thanks to him, He makes me happy like no other person can..:)

And if it's love overload, i'd still want it that way every once in a while..:)

-A

Date week..:)

This was supposed to be posted last Saturday night but then i got lazy.. so here goes..:)

My boyfriend and I have been planning to go on a movie marathon date after his thesis defense. His thesis defense was scheduled last Wednesday, but then, it got cancelled. So somehow i ggot sad because our movie marathon date would be moved again. Fyi, i have been like a bum lately, my classes are only on Mondays and Wednesdays, so i got so much time on my hands. Friday, June 18, i was chatting with him on yahoo. I realized that i have nothing to do for the weekends, so ill just be stuck up watching dvds, surfing the net, reading the book or sleeping it off. Knowing that he's still doing thesis and that maybe he was busy, i pulled my mind away from our planned movie dates. But that night, i got the guts for the first time as i remember, to ask him out.

"Me: may ggwn ka tomorow?.. :) watch tyo movieeee!!! hahaha :D

Him: sge sge :)

Him: karate kid :) ?

Me: YES! haha.. un din nasa isip koo..:)"

So there!! he said yes..:) haha.. So there, i dont know how, but he really got excited with our date.. He even posted on my wall at facebook. And even after we talked and made our kulitans in ym and got that little argument of who logouts first on yahoo, he texted me his goodnight and iloveyous..:) and i slept that night with a smile on my face.:)

The next day our date day, he texted me goodmorning and reminded me on what time i should leave the house. We met up at around 11:30am at ATC. When we got there, the lines to the ticket booth where really long because of toy story 3. At 11:30am, the 12:45 time slot for toy story 3 was already sold out!! I was sooo glad we we're gonna watch Karate Kid! haha.. We bought our favorite popcorn: WHITE CHEDDAR flavor and watched the movie. The movie was great, funny and sooo cute..:) After the movie, we thought of watching A-team but the lines were still loong so we decided to go home. The car ride was fun even though its a just a short trip from ATC to my house. We kept on laughing and made kulitan. We ordered Mcdo, one of our other date food, and watched the Disney movie marathon at Disney channel namely: Toy story 2, Wall-e, and Ratatouille. Then we slept into each others arms.

Today, he passed his thesis defense and i was like hell yeah!!:) haha.. But then, he still has to finish his revisions by next week. That's fine with me! as long as i know that his almost done, i can have him all to myself.:)

These past few weeks reminded me of the week of our first date. I remembered the time when i told him that my cheeks were hurting because of him. It was because i couldn't help smiling. I was soo happy that he came into my life. And this week, it reminded me of that moment when i find myself smiling of the thought that i have someone like him who loves me. It's a feeling i would like to remember over, and over again. Sometimes i call our love a Bipolar love because there are times that he makes me feel like his caring less, and even the feeling of he doesn't care anymore, but then its times like this when he reminds me of how much he loves me. When he makes up for the unwanted feelings i felt, he makes up for it big time. And i just love the way how he does that. He erases every memory of my doubts and fears and replaces it with memories i would like to keep forever. Our relationship might not be perfect, its like a roller coaster ride in 4D, but its everything i hoped it would be.:) haha..

-A

Kinikilig ako! bakit ba?!

If i have two hearts, i will use the first one to love you,

and the other one to love you more.♥

it's been a while since iv'e posted a happy blog. So let this be one of them.:)

Today, i got a surprise visit from him. Actually, i kinda expected it even yesterday, for he kept asking me where was i, and that what time will i be home. Nonetheless, expecting and him actually coming over is different.

I was printing my chem papers, when the doorbell sounded. No one was answering, so i called ate and told her that "Ate, may taooooo.." After so, the doorbell rang again, I went to check from the terrace who it was. Actually, when the doorbell rang i really had that gut feeling that it was him, but then i kept on thinking that who'd be coming over here at this time. When i looked out from the terrace, i saw his car, and then saw him. I was suppose to call him, but then i ran back inside and acted as if i saw nothing! haha! so when he went up, i smiled and said.. "what are you doing here?..:D" yes! ganyan ka laki ung smile ko..:D haha.. He said, wala lang daw, he came from cavite and delivered some products and just thought of dropping by.

I love surprises. I really do. And this one, this is one of the things that make me love him more. Even though i expected that he was coming over, seeing him actually out there outside my house was something i never expected.:) gulo? haha!! to make it short. I LOVED THE FACT THAT HE CAME. Unplanned. Unexpected. Unforgettable. alamo ung super happy?.. ako un.:) i dont know why, but iv'e never felt this happy for a while now. It's that feeling that even after he left, i got this happy feeling that i can't take off of me. Basta yun na un! Ohh, i remember this feeling, it's like the feeling i felt way back before, when he used to surprise me when he came. I never thought i'd still feel this way again. In short, kinikilig ako! haha.. bakit ba?! haha.. Goodnight everybody!:) ay Goodmorning!:)

Happy to be in love..:)

-A

Attention

"Very little is needed to make a happy life;

it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking"

~ Marcus Aurelius

His home. After almost three weeks of being apart, we've finally seen each other again. He arrived yesterday at exactly 5:38am(as he said). After school, i went home early so that we could be able to spend some time together. And he didn't fail me with this, after he woke up from resting, he came over to my house.

We watched tv, made our kulitans, cuddling, eating our favorite date food = pizza and we fell asleep because he wasn't really feeling well. I guess it was from his trip. I missed him so much that just having him beside me was more than enough. I had fun being him. I always do! I just love spending my time, wasting time with him.

That was yesterday, and today i already miss him. It's just not the same anymore. I don't know why but when we're apart, i have a tendency to go all sad. I feel alone, feel sad, feel detached, and just i feel like i'm drifting away. There are times that he's overly sweet, caring and expressive of his love, but it never fails, that there will come a time that he makes me feel that he's starting to care less and less. Like today, I texted him good morning, he didn't reply. I just thought that maybe maybe his busy with thesis. But then i texted him again, and i told him that he wasn't texting, He replied, he said that he had no load earlier today that's why he wasn't able to reply. So i said okay, just text me when you have load na. And his reply was, he has already load na daw, nagpaload daw kasi siya. Parang ako, so kung hindi pa kita tnxt ndi ko malalaman na may load na siya. And then, i found out that he was at his friends house, making tambay. So okay, i told him to text me when his home already.

Later on, I saw him online on YM, i pm-ed him, and i asked him where he is na. And he told me his home already, uhmm.. what happened to "text me when your home na.|" soo okaaaay!! i pm-ed him once again, that i'll go out for a while, and he said okay. When i got back, he's not online anymore, and he didn't even leave me with a single message telling me what now.

Its hard, falling between the lines of understanding and demanding. It's hard, because i'm not the type of person who demands, even though i want things the other way around. And i'm also not the type of person who's pushy, that ill push myself to him. It's hard BECAUSE I WANT HIS ATTENTION so much!! I WANT IT TOO BAD..:( Even just a little of it, with love and care.

It's just a phase, it's just a phase, that's what i put in my mind. Hoping that everything will be alright. I know it will. I hope it will.:(

-A

This is how much i love you, with arms wide open

Almost Everything

Michael Grubbs 2010

Just lay down with me before you go

It's the wrong thing I know

But I don't know when I will see you again

And it gets so lonely

You'd be be foolish if you stayed here now

Maybe if you leave we can work it out

I know the city only breaks you down

And it gets you lonely

Yeah, it's gonna get lonely

You miss the feeling when you step outside

And then your mind comes all untied

And then you open up your eyes

And you don't feel lonely

And it feels bad now but it's gonna get better

Someday

For the past few days, i've been feeling sad, feeling lost and feeling detached. The incident that happened between us before he left for his vacation kept on playing on my head. i don't know why it does, but maybe its because i really really really know for a fact that he shouldn't have treated me like that. But then again, i know there was a reason why, he was down and thinking so much about something. Of course i understand, but i guess the way he treated me was really wrong. because of that, i really got into thinking about things, about us. If i could still go on with it. I started questioning my love for him. Asking myself, how much i love him? how much i'll love him? and how much i will be willing to go through for him? for us. there where a lot of questions running through my head. i was confused.

So why rock a boat and make waves
And everything's coming okay
why am I confused if you love me

Thought this would be smooth sailing ~Undertow

It was something i never thought would happen to me. I went to mass with my family this evening, and while i was listening to the homily, I realized that giving up won't solve anything. and as far as i know, i'm not that kind of person, i would never ever give up on the person i love. especially when i know that there's still something there. During the homily, the priest lectured about the meaning and importance of the Eucharist. That the Crucifix was there to remind us what God is saying to us

"THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, WITH ARMS WIDE OPEN."

And i started to realize from that simple phrase what love should be.

Love is something we give expecting nothing in return and i wanna love like Him, GOD. The purest love a person can give. Unconditional love. Expecting nothing in return. Loving without any doubt. And love by just believing in the person you choose to love. It won't be easy, but when its about the person you love, it will always be worth the try. It's all about taking that leap of FAITH.

I love him, i still do. I always have, and will always do.:) Whatever happens, happens. I have faith in him and HIM. :)

-A